August 14, 2020

Humbled Females: new forum reply to Hello World

New reply from Nina E.

<p>Welcome to Humbled Females, Dom2099. You've gotten a wide variety of very good advice, and I can't really add much to it without repeating what's already been said.</p>
<p>I think you got to the heart of it when you said, "I want to be a dominant man…" You did not say "I am a frustrated man who's always been dominant and never had to a chance to exercise this."  Dominance is a personality trait. Kind of like humor or thoughtfulness or extroversion. Sometimes it can be acquired if a person isn't born with it (I acquired a sense of humor, but I was a slow learner–too serious by far–so it took decades)  but I think that can be a steep hill to climb. Why? Because the person is trying to be something they are not naturally.  <br /><br />I am not an extrovert and I know I will never be such. I could try my hardest try to become more that way, but it would be an uphill battle all the way and when or if I ever got there, I am 99% certain I would hate the person I had become and mourn for the person I once genuinely was.  Is dominance such a strong trait that it can run against a person's nature in this way?  I don't know for sure. But it's something to think about. Would you miss being you if you changed?<br /><br />Assuming you really want to reach this destination, something that might speed you along the way are drugs. But you've got to be careful and do your research. Don't do anything that a medical professional tells you is dangerous for your specific condition. I'm talking about testosterone supplements, possibly even steroids, or something less toxic but has the effect of steroids (muscle building). As a female, I don't know what these substances are called, which are safe or work well, but probably some of the men here could fill in these blanks. If you're low testosterone, I'm pretty sure a doctor would prescribe that for you. These substances increase maleness, confidence, aggression, and self-assurance. They can also increase anger, give you a short fuse, even make you impossible live with, so you have to go careful and slow, and find a dose that you can manage, that works for you without driving you crazy or causing you to drive others crazy. And, by all means, work out if you can do so safely. Lift weights. This will increase your confidence in your body, and that may translate to self-confidence, confidence in your own decisions, increase <em>your sense of the rightness of you</em>. That's a lot of what dominance is: an unswerving knowledge (that is substantiated, not empty or hollow) that it all comes down to you and it all comes from you, that you know you are right and make great decisions…. so naturally, others, especially females in your circle with their weaker, more easily swayed personalities, confused emotional states, smaller bodies, and natural desires to follow someone they regard as great and worshipful, should obey you.</p>
<p>I have never, ever in my life, had a sense of the rightness of me. That seems outrageous for me to even consider, lol. But I admire this feeling in dominant men. I'm just happy that I've always known what I wanted, and that was to be used by, molded by, and be pleasing and helpful to someone greater than me. If feeling your sense of the rightness of you sounds strange or abhorrent, please think about it  more. See if you can come to terms with that. Hopefully, you will like the way it sounds, but if it doesn't, well, I think about this they way I think about myself and extroversion: I don't think anybody should force themselves into a form that makes them miserable.</p>

Original Post by Dom2099

Hello World

<p>Hello all.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I am struggling and in need of guidance. I want to be a dominant man, but I'm afraid that I possess too many submissive traits. My father was an every-other-weekend dad. He is very nice guy, but defiantly not dominant over anything. I was always the shy kid who never said much and when I did, I tried to make it funny so people would laugh. I never had a girlfriend because I could not get up the nerve to talk to any girls outside of school-related situations. Looking back, I'm fairly sure that some girls were interested in me, but I was so self-loathing that I could never see the signs or refused to believe that any girl could want me. I was raised by my mother until about 5 when she married a new man. He was basically a bully. He would push me to 'not be a pussy', but he would never really attempt to help me be anything different. When I hit puberty, I gained a lot of weight and it stayed. I was ashamed of my body and never got any encouragement from any males in my life. I think that a bit of the issue is that I have never really had any strong male figures in my life to look up to or to go to with problems. Both sides of my family are matriarchies.</p>
<p>When I was around 25 and still living at home, I decided I wanted to make a change so I agreed to meet a girl my cousin knew. She was very attractive, funny, seemed to know what she wanted and actually seemed interested in me. Fast forward to now and we have been together 10 years and married for 5.</p>
<p>We are to the point that we need to change our dynamic. I am working from home and she is currently going back to school. I have become too complacent in letting her 'steer the ship' and make the decisions. It feels like I moved out of my mom's house and into hers and I fell right back into being OK with a woman in-charge. I want to step up and be a dominant husband and she wants so desperately to be submissive and taken in-hand. I have the desire, but I am not sure about the confidence and skills. I lack confidence and too easily falter when questioned. I have trouble expressing exactly what I want out of a Domestic Discipline life-style. We have tried and failed several times over the years and it always came down to me not following through. I have been reading though many of the posts and articles on this site and I am really liking the spot somewhere between a submissive slave and a 50's style marriage where 'Daddy-knows-best'. I want to lead, but I seem to not be able to convince myself I am a leader.</p>
<p>Any advice or pseudo mentoring would be very appreciated.</p>

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