January 24, 2012

Discipline: The Greatest Gift

By Nina E.

I am what can best be described as a consensual slave. I wasn’t abducted, tricked, or brainwashed into it. I consented, once, to become someone’s slave, knowing full well what it would entail, as I was experienced and he took great pains to spell out the details, big and small. Since that moment my life, as I fully expected, has had nothing to do with consent. I am kept by a very strict but admirably fair Master whom I regard as a god. I consciously chose this life for myself because I have needed and craved it since my earliest memories. By “slave” I don’t mean to invoke the usual icons the mainstream and “alt” culture tends to forward when the word is used. My life as a slave is just that: the life of a slave. It is not easy. It is, in fact, replete with pain, struggle, and hard work and, I expect, will always be so. There is no saying “no” to him. There is no pleading to do something later, for whatever reason. When given a command I must drop everything to perform it. I am worked constantly and the products and benefits of my labor are never my own—they are all his. I must abide by a complex code of deeply respectful behavior designed to show my awareness of my status as his property as well as my appreciation and love for his presence in my life. If I slip up in any way, I am disciplined with both the belt and the more terrible lash of his tongue. I am new to being disciplined and I am imperfect in my servitude. When corrected, I often sob from remorse, fear, and pain, but nevertheless, I consider it to be the greatest gift my Master gives me.

Why would someone consciously choose to live in this way? The answer to such a question is complex; there really is no simple (or single) answer. Instead of covering all the possibilities, this writing approaches that question from just one angle: the need that some females have to transform themselves or their lives, to change into something more refined than what they started out as. Such a change, if you choose the life of a consensual slave and desire to become a better one, is greatly facilitated by discipline. Many people, including many who claim to be in such types of relationships, do not include discipline within their lives. Some feel it’s something appropriate only for immature children, not responsible adults. Others think the negativity of painful punishment outweighs any good it might bring about, but those who have studied the effects of discipline in-depth or experienced them first hand usually have a different tale to tell.

A simple analogy from Nature might help to illustrate the beneficial effects of discipline from a transformative point of view. Rocks in the natural world come in all sorts of shapes, colors, sizes, and materials: pumice, shale, sandstone, basalt, mica, and quartz are just a few of the many varieties. Only a few types of rocks have the potential to become polished, beautiful gems if the right treatments are applied. 

Human beings have something similar to a malleable stone inside them: the soul. Souls are far more delicate and complex than simple stone, but they, too, can be shaped, polished, faceted, and even placed in a setting that perfectly offsets their beauty—but, like stones, they will not really glow or shine unless they are of the right raw material.

For example, you can polish basalt all you wish, and it will still remain…a slightly shiny basalt which, while good enough for the bottom of an aquarium, has none of the luminous or translucent qualities we associate with gemstones. Sandstone, while it often has nice patterns that can be brought out by additional cutting and grinding, patterns ideal for flagstones or other building elements, will never glow with its own inner light. When you explore the class of rocks known as minerals, however, and, in particular, gemstones, you find that rocks which often don’t look like much in their raw state have the potential, through cutting, polishing, and correct placement, to become gorgeous works of art.

Human beings have something similar to a malleable stone inside them: the soul. Souls are far more delicate and complex than simple stone, but they, too, can be shaped, polished, faceted, and even placed in a setting that perfectly offsets their beauty—but, like stones, they will not really glow or shine unless they are of the right raw material. Most human souls with this potential are like common beach agates: randomly and haphazardly polished on the shores of life. The results are uneven and unpredictable, even hidden until placed into the right element. For agates, that element is water: they glow when wet and their semi-precious nature is revealed. Their nature becomes even clearer if these agates are then tumbled hard for many days in a lapidary.

To bring out a soul’s greatest beauty often requires far more than random blows from life that teach randomly and unevenly. For a soul fit to be a perfect servant, the finishing process requires two conscious wills: The first and strongest will is that of the “polisher” or Master. This person has a creative vision of what the end product will look like and the ability to recognize good raw material when he sees it. He also has a deep understanding of the processes that bring about the required transformation and an unwavering intention to follow these process through to the end, no matter how painful or difficult that might be. This determination, this steadfastness, is one of the rarest qualities to find in a would-be Master, for many self-proclaimed Masters who would polish the souls of their slaves are not up to the enormity of the task–particularly when things get difficult for the slaves.

The second conscious will is that belonging to the soul being polished. It must be the type of will that can patiently endure a long and painful process. The slave’s soul has to have a clear vision of the final result, believe it to be the highest ideal to strive for, and understand the connection between the pain of the process and the glowing end result. This, and her desire to please another, makes her receptive to being polished. She must be perceptive enough to recognize a skilled polisher when she sees one. She must not have the common flaws that cause people to quit a process halfway through or give up when things get a bit rough. Her devotion toward her polisher must be solid and steadfast as this will carry her through those times when even a strong intent and perseverance aren’t enough. The slave also has to understand that, unlike a gemstone, this process is never fully completed and that due to its malleability, her soul would degrade, turn dull, even sink below its original state if the polishing wasn’t kept up constantly. She must be willing to accept that pain on some level as her lot. A part of her, in fact, needs to crave the searing guidance.

In the context of a man refining his woman’s soul to his satisfaction, terms like polishing, faceting, and cutting all refer to discipline: physical and emotional pain that teaches her what she must do, how she must feel, and most important of all, who and what she really is.

For many years I participated in a lukewarm Master-slave relationship that was really a front for a romantic connection among equals. There is nothing wrong with this, but I longed for slavery. My Master at that time was in love with me and he was also philosophically disinclined to use corrective discipline. Like many others in such relationships, he didn’t believe it worked or that it was even necessary with me. He treated me with the utmost respect, we talked things out when I had difficulties, he let me clearly and freely express any emotion I felt toward himself and toward others.

As a result, I became a worse slave, not a better one. I was spoiled, indulged, coddled, and over-protected. I knew I could get my own way through manipulating him with my emotions. There were never any consequences for bad behavior. I ran wild on the Internet and was terribly disrespectful of others. I hid things from him and pretty much did whatever I felt like. I felt no obligation to be honest with him or to try harder to be a better servant, because I believed what he told me: that I was perfect for him just as I was. This coarsening of my personality would have continued until the day I died, had not my Master died first.

Losing him was the hardest thing I’d ever experienced. I realized many things during the loneliness and isolation of the ensuing years. Foremost among those realizations was that I still craved only to be a slave to a man I loved and worshiped.

I don’t feel resentment for any of the pain, no matter how harsh. His whip and belt hurt terribly, but I understand their necessity. Without his firm rule, I wouldn’t be able to change.

I also realized how very much I needed the strong guiding control of a Master that would not put up with my spoiled temper tantrums, my whining over how hard a command was, my attempts to wheedle out of my duties, or my inconsiderate and shrewish treatment of others. I finally realized that if I was going to succeed at improving myself in being a slave in more than name only, then the next time around I would need a special sort of man to shape me: the sort who wanted me to improve for him just as much as I wanted to and who knew how to bring about such improvement. I don’t know how I did it, but I managed to find a person who could create such an environment of change around me.

And sure enough, under his discipline I feel myself changing: I feel the transforming processes upon my soul. I don’t feel resentment for any of the pain, no matter how harsh. His whip and belt hurt terribly, but I understand their necessity. Without his firm rule, I wouldn’t be able to change. I wouldn’t be able to become more loving, more subservient, more obedient to him with each passing day. But with his strong control and guiding discipline, I am becoming exactly what he wants me to become: a functional, useful female capable of sustaining the demands and rigors of total enslavement for a very long time and capable of loving her humble place at his feet.

The pain from discipline accomplishes a number of important goals. First, it improves memory. When a slave is forced to associate a bad behavior with a harsh slap or the strike of a whip, or is told to repeat out loud that she will not do such-and-such as each stroke is laid down, she tends to remember the next time that which she once found hard to focus upon. Secondly, pain reminds a slave, intimately and viscerally, of who and what she really is: his possession that can be used in whatever way he desires, no matter how she may feel about it. This realization, which many “slaves” who are treated more as “equals” likely never experience, makes her deeply grateful for her Master’s resolve and willingness to help her to improve. It also makes her thankful for the small mercies he bestows upon her during punishment. A slave’s soul is refined in this manner: she becomes more purely the property of her Master, she thinks more about his will and desires and less about her own, and she strives much harder to please him and not repeat past mistakes. She becomes beautiful in the eyes of those few who value selflessness above all else. Finally, the pain from discipline brings about a level of intimacy that is not achievable in any other way: it deepens the slave’s already profound dependency upon her Master and heightens her awareness of her humble role as his useful tool and plaything.

  1. unfree says:

    I really loved this article. Great analogies!

  2. glory says:

    I don’t need punishment to be “good” or to serve Him well, and I don’t want to be so dependent on Him that I can’t think for myself. As human beings we need to develop self-discipline. If it needs to always come from outside, there is a need for self-improvement. I would rather change because I trust the person I love to teach me a better way, not that He has the stick and He will hurt me if I don’t.

  3. Julia says:

    @glory:

    Good points glory but as women why can’t we build self-discipline AND appreciate the belt? Sometimes we will mess up no matter how much self-discipline we have. Sometimes we need to learn by having pain put a finer point on things. I hate the belt but I appreciate it at the same time.

  4. Nina E. says:

    Hi Glory,

    I’m not saying that all of my devotion and need is only externally based or motivated by “the stick.” Nor do I think it should be. For such things to be genuine, not to mention consensual, they must come from inside just as much as they are reinforced from outside.

    But why is it, do you think, that someone who already has a very strong inner devotion and motivation to obey and who has a proven track record of doing so without discipline consciously chose a situation where she is strongly disciplined and frequently punished? For a change of pace? On a whim? Because she is masochistic? (I am actually the furthest thing from a masochist there is.) Perhaps it could be because this individual is so dedicated and so self-disciplined already that she is capable of remaining in very difficult situations, situations that would send many others screaming for the hills. Perhaps it is because she knows that disciplining her pleases and satisfies her master and his pleasure matters far more to her than her own temporary discomfort or humiliation. Perhaps (as I suggest in the article) she chose this situation because she recognized inside the tremendous worth to her of doing so. She’s evolved to a certain point with her slavery, but now she needs more: to become more deeply enslaved, more perfectly obedient. Finally, perhaps such a person chooses this life because it comes part-and-parcel with a man she simply cannot say no to: he is so exceptional of a master in all ways that she knows that this discipline, as hard as it is, is good and necessary, as everything else that flows from him is good and necessary.

    Over the years I have felt (and, I believe exhibited) extreme devotion and obedience to the two men I have had the honor to serve. But you know what? In the first situation, it just wasn’t enough. I wasn’t pushed hard enough. There were too many loopholes, too many easy outs. And because of all that ease and comfort and no punishment ever (he believed I was so obedient that I never needed it–a very common belief among master-slave couples who do not want to go the discipline route), I never really felt my slavery. I never felt truly owned. Instead, I felt a deeply romantic connection to my first master which I was able to convince myself (although this was a lie) was true enslavement. I consciously chose, when his death ended my service to him, to NEVER go there again with another man, to die unowned if I had to rather than to settle for another “soft slavery” or living a life that is a lie. Since that is what most masters offer, I was alone for many years and believed I might very well die alone. But then I met my current master whose every word echoed of truth. He got it. Fully. He understand what owning slaves really meant. He understood this even more than I did. And, realizing how rare such a person is, I begged him for consideration and did my very best to be found worthy of serving him. He has accepted me and in deep gratitude I continue to do my very best to to be worthy of his control. He is so incredibly special to me; I am willing to do anything for him, including walk into hell for him. And sometimes, figuratively speaking, that is exactly what I do.

    I began to notice as I watched my first master die so many years ago that pain of any sort, emotional or physical, can be purifying, can bring out the very best in a person. Over those long years as he died, I saw myself changing, becoming less of the spoiled, self-indulgent, childish female I once was during our happier years and more of a responsible, grown-up individual who was able to forget her own needs and feelings at times and concern herself solely with those of the man to whom she had devoted her life. I liked that change in myself, but it came at such a horrible cost. After losing him, I suffered differently. I suffered the loss of all that wonderful control, the loss of all my confidence, the loss of my pillar of strength. I wandered in the void emptiness that life had become for years, completely alone, half-insane with grief and remorse. But in the long run that painful crazy time also helped me to grow, helped me to become stronger, more resolved, more patient, as I waited for the tide of grief to subside enough for me to take up life again. It is no wonder that I was open to and, in fact, saw perfect sense in being disciplined. For one thing, being chastised regularly would help to keep me humble and grounded, and not feeling falsely and proudly like I was god’s gift to my dominant man or otherwise amazingly perfect. I am constantly aware of my flaws these days and I like that, because it is only by being aware of them that I can change them. Enduring such suffering for someone else whom I adored would make my adoration all the more stronger. And the pain would teach me things I could not learn in any other way. My inner devotion and commitment to my current master are what drive me to accept and even embrace the external discipline. I believe I do need the discipline, not because I am naturally disobedient, but because I’ve seen so clearly over the years how pain betters people, and how it is making an already pretty decent slave far better. In my life, paradoxically, the best way I have found to develop even more self-discipline is through being disciplined by an outside force I cannot control–a force like life, or fate, or my master.

  5. redbottomgirl83 says:

    “He also has a deep understanding of the processes that bring about the required transformation and an unwavering intention to follow these process through to the end, no matter how painful or difficult that might be”

    I normally don’t start out a response by quoting things right away, but I felt this sentence really is a key to how a Dom should start thinking & how a Master type should certainly already be there in mind-set. Yes, Masters should have fore-sight if nothing else (although hopefully there will be more to it than just this).

    I also really admired & loved the geology references, ah, brings me back to my Geo 101 days really, believe it or not Geo was the one science that made more sense to me than other sciences, there is some math involved but thankfully not like chemistry (I never passed chem), sad to say I dropped that class, it wasn’t required for my major or minor anyway, this was a time I was having a hard time choosing what I wanted to do in college, before I somehow “mysteriously” decided English was where I needed to head on toward or wanted to go that direction is more likely (inevitably a law class made me realize how really dry & boring it was, and I needed more stimulation which to me, was often found in literature & film mediums).

    Anyway, but those are really some great examples, and I also enjoyed the line of the sub should recognize the “polisher”…even though if I was working solely on the rock reference,the rock wouldn’t actually be aware of the polisher ;) but if a sub/ or slave is in fact self-actualized then yes, she should take note of the best polisher for her (not so much than he is the ‘best’ polisher out there).

    I agree that I find I don’t “crave” punishment, not as a masochist would crave it. I fantasize about it,but since I make distinctions between my fantasies & real life, some things are best left ‘in the head’. But, if I were punished, as I once mentioned with getting into a chemical as a child & being punished for it (it was hurtful yes, but I NEVER did what I did ever again, so I guess it really did get the point across). I do realize the value in punishment if nothing else, but I do think the good sub or slave should see punishment as last resort only, not acting bratty or doing something destructive just to receive a punishment if a sub or slave were so seasoned to punishment to want it all the time.

    I’m sure there’s more I could say on this topic, though I can’t think of much else at the moment.

  6. jennytoy says:

    I believe punishment holds the same value for women as it does for children. I’m not saying that we are completely incapable and should be treated like children all the time, however there are times when that is the best way for a man to get through. Where children are punished to prepare them for life and society, we are punished to prepare us to be better slaves/wives.

  7. Summerstorm says:

    i long to be lightly whipped as i am feeling too free and am not enjoying the feeling of being too free.

  8. a1isha74 says:

    “And sure enough, under his discipline I feel myself changing: I feel the transforming processes upon my soul. I don’t feel resentment for any of the pain, no matter how harsh. His whip and belt hurt terribly, but I understand their necessity. Without his firm rule, I wouldn’t be able to change. I wouldn’t be able to become more loving, more subservient, more obedient to him with each passing day. But with his strong control and guiding discipline, I am becoming exactly what he wants me to become: a functional, useful female capable of sustaining the demands and rigors of total enslavement for a very long time and capable of loving her humble place at his feet.”

    After a vigorous beating last night, I can totally relate to this statement. It was what I needed to refocus on what matters and what is important and to not lose sight of what my role as a female is in our relationship. I am at my best when I am kept under foot. I hope he never lightens my load.

  9. Me says:

    IS discipline “the greatest gift”, or is it submission and willful total follow through in good spirits and joyful service??

    I, for one will take the latter!

  10. Dea says:

    During a pivotal point in my life, I brought great disappointment to my Daddy at the very onset of our commitment. I was an emotional wreck and allowed a former master, who had hurt me deeply by breaking all trust I ever had in him, to talk in my ear. From that day on, outside of going to work, Daddy’s keeps me very strictly confined and finds that I thrive under those conditions coming ever deeper into my submission and devotion for Him. At first, I felt I was being punished but I have long since realized, and now relish, that I am kept so strictly.

    While my Daddy knew that I was not completely at fault for my actions He had come in and settled the situation and settled my heart and soul bringing my focus completely to Him. However, I am still tortured in my own mind and heart that I hurt Him so deeply that day I live with that knife in my heart even though He has forgiven me. I would welcome a beating for what I had done because I would endure the agony of the physical pain and recover from that. But to go through each day reliving that disappointment and anger in His voice, on that one night, haunts me. That is what keeps me completely on track with my submission and complete devotion to Him. The bruises will heal relatively quickly, but a broken heart can last an eternity.

  11. MarcEsadrian says:

    @Me

    The author is speaking in terms of her perception, of what he gives her, of what, in her view, constitutes the greatest gift within her submission.

  12. slaveaspiration says:

    Great article. Like you, I had a relationship that while it felt wonderful at the time and filled many needs, it was not a true Master/slave relationship. Like you, he also died and has left me in a state of deep reflection of who I am and what I really need. Like you, I know that is to be a slave to a wonderful Master. I hope one day to find Him, as you have. To be molded by Him and taught how to be a perfect slave, for Him. The whole concept of actual punishment scares me a bit. In my heart, I’m a good girl and deeply desire to be obedient. To find a Master whose discipline is the greatest gift speaks volumes to his skill, knowledge and mastery. You are a very lucky girl to have such a Master. I wish you all the best.

  13. ushaben says:

    @ninap: You have described my life, perfectly!

  14. Kargan3033 says:

    damn ninap this is a damn fine article and the way you described the formation of a gemstone from raw unshaped materiel by the *Gem Maker* really strikes a cord with me and I thank you for sharing what would be considered to be privet thoughts/feelings about yourself not only with me but with all who read this article.

    I’m sure you are a True Joy to your master, not perfect mind you but a source of pleasure for him because you are so in touch with True Self.

    I hope you will continue to write such fine articles because they are not only helpful for me as I remake myself but they are also helpful to the newly awakened masters and slaves. :-)

  15. jamie1140 says:

    @unfree: As I have just found this community of which I feel a connection to, I would welcome anyone who wants to be a friend to the newbie.. Can say for sure that I have always had Alpha male behavior, seeking my slave that needs and craves caring and control from her Master. Though she must be the right one! I have discipline and will expect the same from my woman…
    Jimmy

  16. TPEros says:

    Someone once pointed out to a noted motivational speaker that motivational talks and inspiration never last. Eventually men will revert to what they were before they found motivation from an outside source. After considering the point for a moment Zigler said that “neither do showers, but it doesn’t mean I’m not for them.”

    Consistent and regular discipline is about much more than the belt as the writer pointed out in her article. It is taking the time to review her behavior and identify each act of willfulness and selfishness so that she learns his ownership is an absolute that will not waver or fade in time. Unlike punishment, which should be truly feared, discipline is a physical and emotional tap on the slave’s soul. I don’t miss that for the discipline to be effective will require the girl to suffer and hurt in large part. I do not diminish the sacrifice she makes that allows her to sacrifice more in time.

    In my experience women begin with a vague sense of the need to submit and for strength. Unlike men who can almost always vividly describe an act or way to use a girl in some detail a future slave almost always begins with only a feeling that this is what she needs. The man who sees the value in owning a slave as his property will push that inclination towards her deeper and complete dependence upon him for everything. That need, in my view, should not only be encouraged it should be actively sought. When my business required me to travel out of town for more than a day I would put her in her cage and have a girl come over to let her out and walk her a few times each day. She knew that asking if I had remembered to find someone to walk her would mean correction. While her cage did allow her to stretch out to a degree, it was still not something she wanted in way, shape, or form.

    Being caged for every waking moment and only allowed out when the friend could find the time to do me the favor quickly lost any cache that a vague excitement at the fantasy of being kept caged might have once given her. In a similar way being kept naked unless specifically told to dress meant that sometimes she was the only naked person in the room and so very obviously not at all like other women. Absolute dependence and focus is a form of beauty that surpasses all others. It is not at all easy.

    Discipline is all about the journey. I have not found or lived long enough to find she has given enough or I have taken enough from her. The author’s expression of not only her acceptance for his discipline, but her belief it is good for her and in her best interest is simply one more example that her owner understands how to mold and train a girl so that she assists him with her own enslavement. I totally respect the view of the girl who made an argument in these comments that she would rather her submission come out of her rather than being demanded with the threat and reality of physical correction. Recognizing that she wants to serve and please might as easily be only the beginning of a journey similar to the one the author describes.

    I know that I am only an authority on how I approach a relationship that is defined as one between an owner and something owned. On what I know to be true I am an expert. On what is true for others I am only able to offer heart-felt kibitzing and hope my good intentions will be enough to justify my intrusion.

  17. Tempolton says:

    * SMILES*

  18. Tempolton says:

    You can not imagin the frustration of understanding the princaples and reasons for the transformation and the process of growth…. and having a so that is obviously made for the life….. who won’t accept what/ who she is. Or who I am.

  19. HisHoneyBadger says:

    Do I simply lack the maturity I need to be a fully surrendered and obedient woman? My mind and heart are there, I could swear it, but why have I never found one, single, solitary comment or blog post online about pure, physical exhaustion that makes unquestioning obedience nearly impossible at times?
    Is there not one slave out there who can admit that the load is sometimes too much to bear? If not, how could that be? If yes, how do you deal with it?
    I’m 54-years-old and in great health. But by the time Master gets home at night, I am sometimes about to scream that I can’t do one more thing today!!! (No, I have never screamed this.) Sometimes I want to cry when he tells me my body will be used after dinner. There is nothing in life I enjoy more than pleasing him sexually, but sometimes the exhaustion by that time of night is overwhelming. I obey him, though. I truly do. Getting up at 5:00 AM and serving him until bedtime feels as if it is running me into the ground most days.

  20. Anina says:

    Hi HisHoneyBadger,

    I wouldn’t conclude, based on what you said, that you lack maturity. Sounds like you’re trying really hard. I think the demands placed on women vary greatly from relationship to relationship, and maybe your Master has particularly high expectations. But you could post this on one of the forums, maybe under “Ask a Female”? Your post will be easier to notice there and you may get a lot more responses.

  21. HisHoneyBadger says:

    @Anina: Thanks so much. Will do.

  22. ushaben says:

    @TPEros: Although for me ‘freedom’ is the most profane of ‘F’words, it is not purely my Owner’s training and conditioning that have brought me to think this way. Early on, He likened someone like me as being an undeveloped photographic negative and He as the developing bath. When these two come together, the latent, unseen image on the negative gradually comes into clear view, it is ‘developed’, which is what He did for me. Until then, although by then i knew of my nature, i had only a vague idea of in which direction this could be developed, and my natural character traits exploited to this end. Having said that, i am very proud to be able to say that whatever i am now is my Owner’s creation. i am certain that without Him, i would have squandered my life selfishly and aimlessly, as i had done before, rather than devote myself to something useful, to someone other than myself, like serving Him. This has, however, allowed me to live the life for which i was fitted and which i find fulfilling and exciting.

  23. rita-A says:

    Nina E., your article may be dated, but it is timeless for this newbie to Humbled.

    This: “Unlike punishment, which should be truly feared, discipline is a physical and emotional tap on the slave’s soul. I don’t miss that for the discipline to be effective will require the girl to suffer and hurt in large part. I do not diminish the sacrifice she makes that allows her to sacrifice more in time.”

    I focus on all of it as discipline, not punishment. It cleanses away of old layers that no longer serve, a visceral and powerful experience that brings freshness. It requires spiritual commitment to overcome your own will and receive him completely. Keeps submission from becoming an automatic Stepford Wife protocol.

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