Soon we’ll be publishing an article about a lost cause: an egotistical schemer of a woman who is blind to her own faults and imagines herself to be the most exemplary servant of love who ever lived, when she is actually a pestilence to any man who decides to try showing her what grace in submission is. That article, “How to be a Bad Slave,” should not be confused with this one which, although its descriptions of female behavior may sound bad, is not one-tenth as horrific as the depictions of that paragon of deception described in the title above. If the female in that other article could be described as committing felony after felony, we’d have to say that, in comparison, what follows here are misdemeanors. That is not to say that there are no overlaps between the two articles. Often bad slaves start in bad ways. Sometimes there is an assumption, a miscalculation, an oversight, or a hidden personality flaw described in what follows that becomes the point of origin for something much worse in the relationship later on down the road.
Below are ten of the most common pathways to deceit and self-sabotage women walk when attempting to show submission to men, particularly with the intent to serve as slaves. This list comes from years of empirical experience in dealing with such women from the perspectives of a master who has dealt with various personalities approaching him over the past twenty years and a slave who has served for even longer, watched other females stumble in courting dominant men, and done some stumbling herself from time to time.
A common mistake women who approach dominant men make is to claim to want to deeply serve and submit, when they are actually after something completely different. That “something” could be money or material things. It could be a ploy for marriage and security or something as shallow as prestige. It may be a little inaccurate to classify this behavior as a mistake (except perhaps a mistake of judgement) because this type of female often does this intentionally, though she’ll never admit it. Due to her cynicism, limited experience, and lack of real desire to submit, she cannot imagine that anybody actually serves another person completely out of their own free will and for no other reason than the sheer joy of giving pleasure to someone they adore. She just knows it’s a game—and she wants to play along so she can get some of the goodies she imagines others are getting.
So she comes to a master with some degree of pretense, maybe claiming she wants to contribute to his endeavors, collaborate with him or learn from him, and then, if he accepts the offered bait and they get to know each other, she suddenly claims an intense desire to serve him fully: he’s into that “master” thing (wink-wink) so she can better get her claws into him by pretending to be his type of girl. A dominant man who is quite familiar with how submissive women normally act will sense an incongruence between her behavior and her words. For all her wonderful talk, she may strike him as unusually aggressive or self-focused. He might notice that she’s more interested in hearing herself speak than listening to him. At this stage, if he is experienced, he’ll perform a simple test or two to try to flush her out: simple tests that a true-blue submissive female would pass with flying colors.
What does a man do when he suspects he may have been targeted by a con woman? He may start by asking her questions about what she likes or is willing to accept in submission, but many such females talk a good game and, if he is foolish enough to rely on her words alone, she will seem to score A’s on each verbal test. A more astute man will make her put her money where her mouth is—sometimes literally. He may, for instance, make the outrageous and unheard of demand that she start tithing him a monthly amount of cash. She may then try to fall back to her earlier position of contributing to his work or efforts and getting paid for it, or at least explaining in half a dozen convincing ways why she can’t, shouldn’t (and won’t) pay him, but if he’s got sense, he won’t be believing any of that now. Feeling bitter and frustrated, she may then claim the moral high ground and accuse him of having no ethics—when what is really going on is that the sheep she was hoping to so easily fleece is now deliberately suggesting she be fleeced.
Perhaps, if he senses her secret desire is for monogamy, he’ll insist she meet his other slaves and serve him together with them for an evening. Instead of being the new star of the show, she is treated as what she actually is at this point: a third-rate runner-up for his attention, a risk and potential liability and thus, the lowest girl on the totem pole. A woman who wants to be a genuine slave will not only tolerate this but will thrill to it. She’ll think it perfectly right that she is the lowest person in the harem and accept her position with grace and happiness because of the great privilege she’s been given of serving this wonderful man in person–and, of course, because it’s very hot for people like us to be low. A prima donna who wanted to have this man solely to herself will never settle for being a “humiliating” third or even second. There are a lot of ways to flush these pretenders out, but a man has to be patient, wait long enough to figure out what this girl is about, and then determine if she can actually do (as opposed to voluptuously talk about) anything difficult, any real challenge or sacrifice that thwarts or threatens the secret egotism or agenda she may be concealing.
So what advice is there for the woman in this situation? First of all, if she is genuine and the man she wants to serve is honest, she should just be her natural self, with no artifice, no attempts to impress or overwhelm him, and let him figure her out. He’ll determine her worth on his own if he’s as perceptive and confident as she believes him to be. As for the other types, we’re not exactly excited by the prospect of giving advice to congenital liars, pretty sociopaths, and women who otherwise give a bad name to every genuine slave out there (not to mention the more honest whores) but we will offer this rather obvious tidbit: if you’re hustling, make absolutely certain that the man you’re trying to fleece is dumber than you are. If, alas, you are so egotistical that you think you are smarter than anybody you meet, particularly those who are subtle enough to hide their piercing intelligence from a lazy self-flattering eye, you’ll likely find yourself, sooner rather than later, cluelessly trying to hitch a ride on a scorpion you have falsely perfumed with “Eau de Stupido.” Do not be surprised, in this case, when you do not escape his sting.
The sort of woman just described may learn, eventually, what real life and real people are all about through those two great teachers: time and hard knocks. But, if she is too stubborn to change her attitudes or her ways, these potentially wonderful teachers may make her worse, ever more entrenched in her ugly habits of whoring and greedily using up people to secure what she wants, unable to see those numerous lost opportunities and tragic mistakes along the way. One thing is guaranteed: none of us will be young forever. Sometimes time, and lots of it, can turn a person’s life around: cause her to wake up to the horror of what she has chosen to become and determine to do better. If it doesn’t, if one is too stubborn and convinced of one’s superiority and importance despite how often stupid life decisions result in massive failure, then the only way left is down, and while it may seem like a soft, smooth coast while you’re still at the top, young, healthy, and attractive, in a few decades such people start to scrape and bruise on the rocks: they see the loss of everything they deemed important with nothing of substance to replace their inner emptiness. Don’t be that person.
Assuming that submission to a man will always go the way she imagines rather than his way, even though she knows she is entering into a relationship of service in which the man directs everything. This mistake, unlike the intentional hustle described earlier, is usually not meant with a conscious desire to deceive. Instead, it comes from the often unconscious assumption that “everything in life is always about me and should benefit me.” While a female may be unaware of this assumption, that just makes it easier for it to get in the way of successfully serving a man. A woman who entertains a me-centric fantasy about her master and how he will fulfill her every desire or goal can become deeply disappointed or even depressed when things don’t turn out the way she pictured they would. At worst, that disappointment becomes anger and blame: “He’s doing it all wrong” or “He’s intentionally trying to hurt me!” Expecting submission to be exactly how one has always imagined it or it isn’t “right” is very close to dictating the terms of service—and the person who dictates terms is the master, not the slave. The false expectation that everything is going to be hot, sexy, romantic, smooth, and just like she imagined it to be in her wildest dreams can cause a serving female to become angry and resentful when the one she is submitting to and obeying doesn’t conform to her inner script of perfect service (particularly if he’s not serving up the rewards and ego stroking she “deserves” for serving him). He’s just wrong and evil, too contrary, too unbending, too rigid, too unwilling to change (for her), etc. Never mind that she once agreed in a thrilled tremolo while kneeling before him to do absolutely anything he ordered her to. No matter she once was in awe of his superior wisdom and life knowledge. Solemn vows anchored only by shallow emotional thrills often fly out the window when such a woman feels thwarted, outraged, or disappointed that things are not going exactly as she imagined they would. He’s just not doing dominance the right way (her way), so she must either convince him of his cruel incompetence or move on to a more malleable man willing to get with her program and let her serve him in the manner she knows is true and right.
This attitude is something that is often assumed unconsciously, without the female at first being aware that she is doing it. A careful potential master will draw her out in detail about how she views slavery, what she imagines is the “right” way to be dominated or controlled, and then will verbally compare this to his own methods of domination to see if she is flexible enough to loosen her grip on her fixed ideas and simply follow him with devotion and respect. Is her love for this man strong enough to put aside her fantasies about the life she wants to lead? Can she just live an actual life of slavery under his control, following him to the ends of the earth, if needed? Or is this more of a playful sexual obsession for her, fueled by egotistical fantasies in which the master’s own personal feelings and desires barely matter unless they fit her playscript of how things should be? If it becomes clear that a woman is clinging to views of submission and service that are not quite what her master considers service and submission and if, despite this devotion to an ideal rather than to him, she insists she can still serve him in any way he wants, her master may have to push her a little and see if her resolve is just hot air or an actual desire to change for him. A wise man, no matter how attracted he is to the female before him or what potential he sees in her, will consider carefully the results of such tests and, if they are negative, ask himself if he wants to be served by an inflexible, headstrong servant who will constantly push him to do things her way.
A woman who really desires to serve a particular man can help this process along immensely by going into the relationship with as open a mind as she is capable of assuming and without a lot of preconceived ideas of how things are going to be. Often women can find out what preconceived ideas they have about a promising relationship by taking a close look at their fantasies about the man, both sexual and non-sexual. Yes, sometimes these are a bit extreme, but the details don’t matter as much as the overall patterns of relating that are revealed. Such fantasies tell us how we would ideally like the relationship to go. Sometimes these fantasies have been taught to us by a largely vanilla culture. Even if our cultural sources have been popular BDSM (like Fifty Shades of Grey) they are usually at their core quite conventional and promote the cultural ideals most popular at the time they were made. For instance, at this time the most prominent cultural ideal is feminism, and Fifty Shades, at least in the movie versions, is very careful to make the heroine very feminist and independent. While an independent and bratty feminist works for most casual men (including those posing as masters), a genuine master typically despises that type of self-important and self-obsessed know-it-all. He knows they’re not worth the time wasted in attempting to “break” them or somehow earn their respect.
If a woman discovers she has specific expectations as she is getting to know the man she wishes to serve, she should tell him about these immediately and let him prescribe the cure—if he deems one is needed (if her expectations are in sync with his reality, nothing may need to change). If she really admires this man and is determined to serve him well and he is open to hearing from her, then the best thing she can do is to politely and with respect for his time ask specific questions about his ideals and practices, about how things might be, or about what he believes most strongly about controlling and owning women and then listen very carefully to his answers, following up on anything that she finds difficult to accept rather than making the mistake of egotistically brushing potential conflicts off as something her marvelous personality will cause him to change for her or make an exception for. If she honestly wants to adopt his views about things, as most good servants do, then she needs to practice both remaining open-minded and being very honest (but not demanding) with him about the things that she finds disturbing or not as she expected. Doing both often requires a reduction in egotism and self-centeredness. Most women at this time are not only plagued by these awful characteristics, they are trained and encouraged to adopt them at an early age.
Arguing intensely with someone she claims to want to serve with her whole heart and soul about how things should be. In this case, an overblown ego is telling the arguer, “My advanced and superior ethics about service are the only right ones and any man who wants me serving him has got to understand that I will serve him the right way. (a.k.a. my way) ” But just who is serving who in such a scenario? The emotional math goes like this: he deeply misunderstands how wonderful and intelligent and worldly she is and his ignoring or rejecting her (right) views on matters is a deep insult. But here’s where the math does not add up: if all of the above is true about her than why isn’t she being served by this “obvious inferior” rather than the other way around? Why is she seeking to serve him if he is so clueless, incompetent, or needful of her wise perception and advice? Why, indeed!
A female whose speech and actions clearly show that she is thinking along these lines usually has a large, uncontrolled ego that desires to bask in frequent stroking and copious admiration from the man she looks up to. This is not at all unusual in the average woman today, as modern society strongly encourages females to assert themselves and polish their egos. Such a woman sometimes takes this self-centeredness to extremes, however: she feels that she is right and must be proven right, no matter what the cost to anyone or anything else, including service to her man and facing the simple truth about the situation. Such a woman has the strong potential to become a conventional nag in the future. Even so, it’s amazing how some men will accept this behavior from supposedly submissive females, which often consists of cracking a demoralizing whip of discontent, disappointment, and criticism constantly over their heads. One must wonder at their motives: is a hot piece of ass or the security of being in a relationship really that hard to get?
It’s quite difficult to provide advice to someone who is already completely convinced she knows best, except to suggest she try to open her mind just a little bit, but unfortunately this type is usually already convinced she has the most open mind of anyone she’s ever met and so nothing needs to change with her. Instead, it’s always someone else’s fault: they’re just too stupid to see her wonderful and wise intentions for what they actually are. A skilled master can sometimes work with such a blinded personality by showing the many situations in which she is wrong or mistaken in her assumptions and point out that this is why a smaller, wiser part of herself wanted to serve someone who is her intellectual and moral superior. This sort of demonstration will work if her ego has not built too large a fortress around her real self. Unfortunately, it’s also human nature to stubbornly dig in deeper when presented with facts that contradict our beliefs, otherwise known as the Backfire Effect. I have seen many women who insist they are slaves but who are incapable of opening up even the tiniest chink in the thick armored walls of their protective egos. They won’t open their minds enough to allow the attempts by their masters to contact their real selves (which, if they are lucky, may still be alive somewhere inside this bristling fortress of insecurity) succeed.
Laziness, sloppiness, flakiness and a pattern of excuses for all of the above. “Oh, it’s not important that I do this little thing he told me to do. It’s so minor.” “I don’t have to complete that task, I’m out of time and need to get my nails done.” “I just don’t want to do what he told me to do at this time, so I’ll lie about it and do it later. Since I’m not yet living with him, he’ll never know the difference.” “I’m very busy and stressed right now and I just don’t have the time for what he wants.” These are some of the rationalizations lazy females use to avoid doing the often simple and easy tasks assigned to them by men they claim they want to serve. Laziness is bad, but when combined with inner permission to avoid accountability, it’s highly erosive to any form of authority dynamic. But it can, over time, be corrected by a good master if the female is completely open and honest with him, as she should always be in these types of relationships. She should ask herself: how would she feel if somebody she wanted to serve was always late or frequently stood her up? What if he said they would do something over the weekend but then just mysteriously disappeared for days? What if he claimed he wanted her to live with him, and made extensive plans in that direction, but then out of blue and at the last minute (after she’d given up her current residence) simply told her it couldn’t happen now and never explained why? These scenarios would be the dominant version of laziness, sloppiness, and flakiness. It doesn’t sound very appealing, does it? A dominant man feels no different when a woman constantly lets him down. When she doesn’t do what she is told to do or what she says she will do, however simple and easy it might be, when she doesn’t keep her word, does things shoddily or incompletely, or gets things to him far later than when she promised, if at all, she has drifted into the shiftless abstract of laziness and complacency. If she combines her laziness with dishonesty and lies about the reasons for her incompetence, always having what she imagines is a “good excuse,” she’ll never gain his trust back once he suspects, tests for, and discovers how much she’s been lying to him. Dishonesty that extreme (and unnecessary) destroys this sort of relationship before it even begins.
There are two issues here: one is being an indolent flake who can’t be trusted to do anything she promises and the other is pretending she isn’t that person through lying. The first issue is easy to fix if the lazy female is serving a sane and just man: she just needs to admit what she has been doing wrong, feel genuine remorse for her past behavior, and accept any consequences that fall out from this revelation, whatever they may be. If the man completely cuts her off from him, that is his right, too. In that situation, she should once more express her deep regret at her transgression and then move on. If this sort of response on the man’s part seems unfair, she should try very hard not to provoke the next person she meets with flaky, irresponsible behavior.
The second issue, lying about what she has done, is far more difficult to fix. Lying to someone she claims to serve is a strong betrayal of everything this submissive woman was hoping to build and it’s natural that some men will not want to continue to dominate her once she admits this to them. But it’s still much better to admit it than to continue lying to him, because eventually she will be found out—and the fallout may even be worse then. When she comes clean with something she can still exit honorably at least, knowing she finally did the right thing, even if it was too late, even if it feels like she’s being punished by him. The best thing to do is just accept what happened, understand why it happened, resolve not to make that mistake again with the next man, and move on. But this is easier said than done. The long, hard road toward fixing this error lies in a deep, honest examination of oneself and one’s motives and doing the hard work of real personal improvement that builds character and effectively changes the undertow of defective thinking. This isn’t something that can happen over a matter of minutes or even a couple of days.
Intentional Lying. Whoops! She has an STD and he told her he never accepts service with someone who has STDs. We’ll, it’s just a minor STD. It doesn’t kill you. No need to mention it or help prevent him from getting it too. Actually, that would be good, because then she’d have company! Or maybe she’s claimed a lot more for herself than is actually true: claimed to be a talented and accomplished artist or an established writer with a book contract, claimed she’s very wealthy, or that she’s a very experienced submissive who, of course, deeply understands slavery, etc.. Whatever it is, this lie (or lies, if she is compulsive in that area) completely destroys everything she claims to want to build with a dominant man as his trusted, reliable servant. We’re describing some bad things in this article, but lying to her master takes the cake as the worst error a potential servant can make. A great many faults can be forgiven, even faults of extreme ego, but lying is something that is very hard to recover from—whether the female is found out or not. Even a moderately intelligent master will regard the liar who claimed she wanted to serve him just as one would an asp: something dangerous and potentially deadly one should avoid contact with at all costs. With a very intelligent master, she’ll never recover, and given how subtle genuinely intelligent people tend to be, she may never realize that he knew all along she’d lied to him about various things and just let her continue with it, because it interested or benefited him in some way to do so. When a liar doesn’t know she is found out, she tends to get lazy and sloppy with her lies.
One useful strategy to employ when you notice or highly suspect somebody is lying to you is to feign ignorance about what they are doing. That way, you can watch them covertly and they, not having been put on their guard against you, will continue to lie in ways that are more easily discerned as lies. Knowing how someone lies and what they lie about is useful information when dealing with an enemy that is close to you: and a female who is purposefully and willfully lying to you is most definitely your enemy, however fond of her you may be. Be on high alert once you suspect strongly that you are being lied to. A female may lie once, about something very important or frightening to her, and then never again. Or she may lie so constantly and habitually that her first response to any question you ask is always a direct lie, or a question that confounds the conversation and covers her tracks. It’s important to know what it is you are dealing with here, so do not immediately give the game away, as much as you may want to let her know you’ve caught her. Wait and watch. If it’s a one-time thing, you can talk to her later about it (after you’ve determined she’s not consistently lying), determine the reasons for it, and then apply any corrective measure you deem necessary. The end game, ultimately, must be to expose the lying and salvage what you can from the liar. Putting off this hard work only compounds the security of the liar and her habit of lying, along with the extended insult of you appearing unobservant and naive in her eyes, so don’t take up the game of play a sucker to catch a sucker too long. Life is short and time spending it in positivity is crucial.
And word of caution: sometimes seeing and believing isn’t always right. What appears to be a lie at first blush may turn out to be the truth after all, so be methodical and objective in gauging her honesty. Gather the information necessary to convince yourself beyond the shadow of a doubt that she’s manipulating truth, otherwise you may raise unnecessary conflict.
Compulsive, extensive lying tends to have deep, snarled roots in mental dysfunction. It wreaks so much havoc in the lives of others that life is better off alone than with a chronic liar. Luckily, most of us do not have to face this hard choice. We just move on to someone more suited for us, once we determine the person we are with cannot be trusted…with anything.
We have no advice for compulsive liars except for advice they probably won’t take, but here it goes: if you should ever get a glimmering that this this a problem for you (typically other people will tell you over and over again to stop lying to them—that’s how you know, so start listening to them rather than denying it), immediately go get the best professional help you can. You need a psychologist who is an expert in dealing with liars, or you will just lie to him or her and nothing will be fixed. Not so strangely, compulsive liars often do not know that this is their tragic flaw, for the person they lie to the most is themselves and they tend to assume others are just like them: telling them lies out of self-interest.
Entering a relationship of service with the intent to manipulate the man you serve into becoming the form of male you prefer. There are many women, some young and inexperienced with life, some a little older—most of whom have already run through half a dozen half-baked “masters”—who have this fixed idea in their heads about what the ideal master has to do to be worthy of them. They have an intense desire to change men into their ideal instead of opening themselves to to a man’s style of mastery and dominance, absorbing his spirit as their own. This is most often done by women who are both deeply willful and insecure at the same time. While similar to the females discussed above in item 2, this woman is more concerned with shaping the man she is involved with rather than scripting the relationship. She is Pygmalion and he her raw chunk of marble male waiting to be carved into the perfect master, for her. Such a woman wants to be controlled, but only in the ways in which she dictates or considers right. When she comes across a compliant man who needs to please her (sadly, this isn’t exactly unusual these days), she has the potential to use this desire to subtly shape him into her ideal. And should this effort succeed, she’ll likely find herself strangely dissatisfied with her creation and increasingly frustrated that he doesn’t assert himself more at unexpected times, rather than only in the circumstances she has “programmed” him to respond like a master in.
This sort of woman is trapped in a pit of her own making: she’s unwilling to relax, stop trying to control everything, and just follow the man’s lead but she’s deeply dissatisfied by the agreeable, helpful, obedient creature she has turned this man into. She’s often too scared to approach or stay with a strong male, because her inner control freak won’t allow it, and so she pretends to herself to be deeply concerned with her own safety and well-being around anyone strong enough to truly dominate her. That way she can have her weak man posing as dominant and stay subtly in charge.
Such females need to get honest with themselves and give up the illusions of their submission. They can either become female dominants or get into a profession, like sales, where their particular combination of aggression, insecurity, and need to be in control at all times can be a bonus. But some of them feel they have to explore and conquer every world out there that seems the least bit attractive or intriguing, and so when they arrive on our shores, they naturally convince themselves that maybe submission to a man is the key to the joy and happiness they’ve been looking for all their lives—despite the fact their understanding of femininity and submission is deeply flawed. Our advice to such a woman is “Know Thyself.” Figure out what you really want in life, what makes you deeply passionate, and if it happens to be submission, go for it with all of your heart, soul, and sincerity. Once you know the man you wish to serve and have learned to trust in him, do not hold back. Pour yourself into the mold, leaving nothing spared. Do not insist upon retaining a sliver of control, for this will corrupt you in time, as your submission will be imperfect. Your future master may let you retain some of your power in the world, if it benefits him and doesn’t corrupt you, but he might also insist that you leave everything familiar behind and simply follow him. That’s what slavery is all about: stepping off that steep cliff, abandoning everything for the man you crave to serve with all of your heart.
Serving from a position of deep selfishness rather than selflessness or wanting to serve out of a desire to please/improve yourself, not to please him and improve his life. Often the woman who does this is in complete denial of her selfish, grasping nature. She is one of the best slaves that ever lived, and her master is there primarily to help her fulfill her potential so she can become the woman of her dreams. Never mind all those crashed, burned-out relationships that litter the freeway of her past life. She just happened to meet 5…10…20…or 30 men who were absolutely horrible and who treated her terribly! It was never her fault! They were all evil or stupid or wrong in some way, according to her. Maybe this track record means she has a problem with perception, but she really doesn’t want to believe this because she knows for a fact that she is a Good Girl—saintly even. The men of her past were all just insensitive dullards incapable of understanding and appreciating her pure motives and the beauty of her soul. This time, with her new master, she knows things will be different. The man who hears such a woman’s sob stories about terrible failed relationships and doesn’t grasp that she, herself, is the only thing all these “terrible” men had in common probably deserves everything he’s likely to get from her: to put it politely, a massively dysfunctional “learning experience.” It’s flattering to think of oneself as the single good man in a woman’s life that’s been darkened by miserable disappointments, but realize this might be a trap of male ego. Admittedly, it feels really good to think you are the only decent male amidst a batch of misfits or cretins, but beware: it can sometimes take a man duped by a female’s beauty and sob stories years to extricate himself from the slimy tentacles her needy, co-dependent, and extremely self-centered personality.
Men should learn to recognize this type from miles away so that they can avoid them at a very early stage. “Miles away” is a metaphor for the first few conversations: you can often tell from these what she is really like inside. Men often learn about this type from being burned by women with the same personality flaws: when they met yet another female who talks a lot like the one who wasted two or more years of their time, effort, and commitment, they will tend to watch her very carefully, if they decide to proceed at all.
Women who are selfish very often do not realize how selfish they are. They are wrapped up in a pipe dream, partially encouraged by the female centrism of the modern age, of what good, self-sacrificing, pure, helpful angels they are. They do not realize the depths of their selfishness and how self-interest extends into almost everything they think and do. It’s this illusion of her innate female goodness and an unwillingness to let it go that leads a deeply selfish woman to steamroller over others as she lives her supposedly caring and giving life. Sometimes such women are so broken mentally and emotionally that they refuse to see the horrible damage their masquerading causes everyone they come in close contact with. A woman with a bad case of this disease won’t even be reading this paragraph, as she’s utterly convinced that nothing in the above descriptions apply in the least to her (she’s probably not on a site like this anyway). She just knows that she never hurts other people, that she never lets anyone down, that she doesn’t think only of her own pleasure, for she has such a beautiful, caring mind and soul. She is this wonderful angel who cares so deeply when animals (or sometimes humans, particularly those far away from her) are harmed –but treats the people around her, those regularly in her life, quite differently.
Often such women want to serve someone due to their fantasies of being such perfect, loving, selfless angels. It’s important for a man to observe how a woman who describes herself in this way acts in real life around the people closest to her, particularly those who depend upon her. Is she is constantly disappointing them, letting them down, promising wonderful things (because it makes her feel good to do so) but never following through (because she doesn’t want to be bothered, and her needs always come first)? Does she forget her promises, break her commitments, including those to her family in order spend time with you? (As flattering as this may be, it is a warning sign that you may be next to be neglected when she becomes familiar with you.) Finally, does she express her aggression passively? Does she beg for a desire to serve selflessly and then, when given an opportunity, whine worriedly in a stressed-out tone over most commands she is given, pretending that what you want her to do will hurt others as well as herself, and she’s just wisely looking out (something you can’t do, apparently) for everybody’s welfare? The latter sort of woman tends to have a huge pleasant fantasy in her head about what service and obedience feels like and an actual master who demands real service from his slaves, service that benefits him, is not serving up the easy and soft romantic program she expects.
Keep in mind that a woman who loves to serve genuinely and unselfishly seldom describes herself in these glowing selfless goddess terms. If anything, she will take great pains to warn you about her personal flaws, downplay her good points, and hold, in general, a relatively low self-opinion because she is highly mindful and self-critical. Some self-described masters claim these purer types, these simple-hearted, altruistic, loving women are “boring.” Something in them craves the more “exciting” highly aggressive or hysterical, constantly-throwing-obstacles-in-one’s-path, head case. This preference is usually a clear indication that being a dominant rather than a master, a man without complete control over a woman would be more rewarding for this sort of person. A man who wants to truly master a female loves the compliant, obedient, self-effacing types, as they are so cooperative in their enslavement, so giving of themselves, and actually enjoy submission. They strive to make things easy for their masters and hate causing conflict. It is intensely erotic, for someone who loves controlling others, to dominate someone so willing and cooperative with her own subjugation.
Underestimating Him. Most often it’s his intelligence. Women who are mentally just slightly above average, maybe on the 60th percentile, are far less likely to perceive that someone else is immensely more intelligent than they are. For one thing, very smart people, if they’re emotionally mature, often don’t hammer their extreme intelligence down the throats of others, even if they can. They know they’re smart and feel no need to constantly advertise that fact. They save their brilliance for when it is really needed or where it will do the most good. A slightly smarter than average girl will tend to believe an intelligent male is on the same level or slightly less intelligent than herself. She will, particularly if she is young and inexperienced, lecture him wisely on the ways of the world, boast directly or indirectly about her intellectual prowess, and, because she cannot understand or grasp the multiple levels of an intelligent man’s responses and because, while aware of that, he’s sensitive and polite over her lack of mental horsepower, she’ll start to think of him as quite dense. Because a sixty-percenter has seen that she is smarter than some people (or perhaps others have, for various reasons of their own, let her believe this), she assumes these experiences indicate that she is extraordinarily brilliant—smarter than almost everyone alive and certainly smarter than just about everyone she meets.
A woman will also often underestimate the man’s overall moral superiority over her. (And yes, I did say his moral superiority!) Many women have the ability to ruthlessly lie to men, steal or use all of their resources, flake out on them and let them down constantly, act completely irresponsibly, defy the men they claim to obey, rage at them when they don’t get their way, nag them incessantly, threaten to abandon the relationships they took sacred vows to maintain, insist men totally accept all their lies, and after all that, think of themselves as angelic, harmless victims.
So how does a women who is a self-satisfied poster-child for mental and emotional Dunning-Kruger effect learn that this is what she is so that she can honestly address her false, egotistical, self-aggrandizing beliefs? Asking someone with this condition to diagnose themselves or to accept the diagnosis of an objective observer is bound to fail, because her need to believe she is good at everything is often based in abysmally deep insecurity and low-self-esteem. Normally, a woman with low self-esteem can make a great servant. In fact, I would go so far as to say they make the best servants for various psychological reasons that could be the subject of an entirely separate article (and probably already was—see “Doormat!,” for instance), but they only do so if they are aware of their low self-esteem and willingly, even warmly, accept it as part of who they are, practices which encourage growth and require real moral fiber. The typical intellectual diva or selfless moral angel will never admit that all of her hot air comes from a deep insecurity inside her. For whatever reason, she’s decided, often on a deeply unconscious level, that the best way to proceed with life and get what she wants out of it is to don a very strong, extroverted, false face over the person she really is, because she imagines it is one that most people will love and adore. A woman with this problem who manages to let some fresh air of reality inside may realize she has a problem she needs to deal with and get help with her insecurity. Such obviously false and flashy personalities are like the tiny running car that is the base of the gigantic balloon that everybody sees floating down the street during a parade…and applauds. Without that hidden little car tethered to the huge balloon, directing it and pulling it along, that big, fat plastic bag of hot air would just float away helplessly in the sky. The insecurity is the driver, the controller of a gigantic ego and it’s that insecurity the female needs to look down from her elevated heights and recognize, not only as a part of herself, but the most important part: the part she needs to address if she’s to be of any real use or worth to anybody, particularly a very dominant man.
Perhaps a small way in which a woman with this defect in her nature can start addressing it would be to try to observe, before she says something she wants to say (or, at very least, right after she says it) whether what was communicated was meant to help someone else, convey useful information, express a positive emotion, or…make herself look good, build her personal reputation with another person or group, impress somebody, prove to someone how smart or morally superior she is, defend her ego in some way, show off how much she knows or has done, or promote her greatness in some other way. For the moment, just observe: say what you want to say or write what you want to write: do not edit it into a more self-flattering and modest version of the original. Instead, try to determine, as honestly as you can, where the statements came from. What motivated you to communicate this? Did you feel this person would not respect you if you didn’t toot your own horn loudly? Were you afraid a group would ignore you if you didn’t have the best war story to tell? Why did you feel it imperative to lie, gloss over, or “imaginatively enhance” a certain part of your life rather than telling the simple truth about what happened or who you really are? As a starting point, this sort of self-questioning is more than enough. The answers, if they are honest ones, will be painful, so a woman should not overindulge in this as it’s possible to develop a hypocritical masochistic taste for this sort of self-revelation and to start doing it in public (i.e. showing off again, just in a way that’s a little less perceptible to others). It’s perfectly fine to continue on as normal for most of the time, but a woman who knows she’s like this should set aside a little time, once a day maybe or once a week, to look closely at what she is saying or doing. Overindulgence in self-observation, for any person, often leads to mental paralysis (based on the false idea that one can’t do anything without doing something awful) or harmful thoughts, so consider this exercise a case where one pill might help but a hundred will likely cause serious harm. Gradually, she may find herself improving her observational skills and self-objectivity, enough to quietly begin to reform her thinking and resulting behavior. Of course, having honest, if harsh, feedback from one’s master could speed this process along, if the female were genuinely sincere and remorseful for the bloated egotist she has been.
The desire to examine oneself, while it may be ordered from outside, is also something that has to come from within. Honest self-examination can be so painful that a woman really has to see a strong benefit to doing it to stay the course. Some people get fed up with nothing ever working right for them, with their relationships always failing, with friends becoming alienated, with someone they treated badly dying before they could say they were sorry and at some point they get a glimmering that the common denominator in all those failures isn’t this great variety of other “mean” people out there—it is themselves, and themselves only. Other times, a female may have to suffer seriously painful setbacks and losses in life, and, after numerous periods of grief and denial, come to realize that the reasons for some of the things that “randomly happened” to her were clearly caused by herself, particularly by her attitudes. Other times, the realization may be instantaneous: out of the blue a woman may catch herself in a really egotistical moment, really see the ugly things she is doing and saying, experience her less-than-pure motivations with crystal clarity, and start to hate what she has become. Howsoever it comes, without a strong desire to learn and then to change, a habitual egotist is not going to make much headway with such an exercise. Her mind will always find convenient, plausible excuses for each statement and each behavior.
Taking him for granted. This usually doesn’t occur until after the relationship has established itself and the female has grown comfortable in her role. Even if she’s managed to avoid all of the mistakes described above, it is very easy, particularly if the man she serves is fair, just, and affectionate with her, to start taking his good nature for granted. She may start to assume that anything she asks for she can eventually get, if she asks enough times or in enough different ways. She may even begin to assume that her desires will never be turned down. She may start to view a kind man as a facilitator of her personal growth, pleasure, and experiences—a vending machine popping out attention, gifts, advice, or other goodies every time she pushes the “whine–I’m unhappy, master!” button. She may start to forget, after a while, how awful or unfulfilling her other relationships have been. She may even, if she becomes too proud and complacent, assume that men like him are everywhere and that she can find another just like him without a lot of trouble. When complacency sets in, the typical female relaxes too much and she stops caring. She stops doing her chores as meticulously as she once did and begins to slack off with other responsibilities, like not bringing home his favorite fruits or changing the bed sheets long past when they should have been changed. She may forget to address the man she serves in a respectful tone, forget to follow the household rules, or just become so contented and full of well-being from all the careful attention the man has given her than she forgets she is there to serve him.
We see lots of these lazy, self-satisfied “slaves” hanging out on public message boards, where they spend huge amounts of time each day boasting about what great servants they are to their men while, at the same time, giving others condescending and often snarky advice, or attacking them. You can’t help but notice the disease when you see these vicious kitties boast-posting in every single group or thread that mentions masters or slaves, or engaging in their second-favorite pastime: viciously attacking others, particularly dominant men who don’t immediately suck up to them and females who strike them as more servile than they are. They spend so much time doing these things that you tend to wonder what their houses look like. Keeping a home clean and beautiful, shopping for and preparing good, healthy home-cooked meals, taking care of children, running errands, and working hard in other ways to make one’s master’s life pleasant takes a great deal of time. Good servants have time, only rarely, to post extensively online. They certainly don’t live online or live for the adulation of cliques and attack gangs.
Complacency is something that a woman serving a man should immediately report if she sees it growing in herself, as, generally speaking, it’s only something the man can fix. Punishment works well in this area, particularly if she hasn’t had to be punished in a while. The shock of it, if the punishment is affecting enough, will often bring her to her senses and make her wonder what in the world she was doing. Unfortunately, so many dominant men who start out with good intentions become absentee landlords toward their females. I suspect this is particularly true of the aimless and unpleasant cliques of women we see online who claim to be slaves. There’s likely a big leap of reality between their lives lived behind a keyboard and their actual lives.
Only able to serve if she is given attention or other things she craves. Some would-be servants operate on the unspoken and often unexamined marketplace principle that they can only fully serve a man if he is giving them something in return—something besides dominance, control, structure, and meaning, that is. The favored currency is often attention, but other compensation is also accepted. If given regular, repetitive duties to perform, they do not do them unless ordered to each and every time they are scheduled to do them. A woman who cares about her master’s comfort, wishes, and pleasure just quietly does her assigned tasks, whatever these might be, when she is supposed to do them so that she doesn’t inconvenience him. She doesn’t require constant shots of the attention drug: reminders, exhortations, scoldings, punishments, long talks about her behavior (all things which, even while negative on the surface, feed some women’s insatiable need for constant attention). She waits patiently until her master desires to give her some attention. The attention that comes her way, when it does come, is usually positive because she’s been functioning as a servant should: quietly performing her duties and awaiting the pleasure of her master’s company when and how he desires to give it. Females new to service often think of it as a sort of job or career in which they must be “paid,” usually with special attention from their masters but also with physical comforts, gifts, or even money. They make the common beginner’s mistake of turning a relationship that is supposed to be about unselfish service that demands nothing in return into a crass mercantile transaction and become increasingly disobedient if they don’t get their regular fix of whatever it is they are after. Although she may not demand money, such a woman is a common form of prostitute: the attention whore. And, for attention whores, being paid in their preferred coin is far more important than your needs, no matter how much they talk about devotion. A very good way to test the potential of a possible servant is to explain to her what selfless service entails, and, if she agrees this is what she wants, to see how well she can function without constant regular attention from you: without reminders about her duties, without constant supportive texts, emails, or phone calls. Cutting someone off cold-turkey is very harsh and confusing: even the best of slaves come up with questions that need clarification or worries/issues they need to discuss with their masters, so keeping oneself available is a good idea for a man with a new or potential slave. But if you find she needs or expects a lot more time and attention, even in the early stages, and she is strident or lays blame when she doesn’t get it immediately, this should tell you something.
A woman who won’t do the simplest things without first getting her expected shot of “attention-heroin” from her master is the farthest thing from a submissive females there is, no matter how saintly she regards herself. She’s a crass negotiator, making it clear to you that she will only do this thing if she gets that thing in exchange. She may try to mask this resentful disobedience in plausible excuses like, “I just forgot,” or in performing the service shoddily and partially, leaving lots undone to demonstrate how little she cares about your desires for good work from her. While forgetting an order once or twice is common during the learning stage, if it is regular, it’s a sign there is a problem. She doesn’t care enough to do what it takes to remember to perform the task or remember how to do it right. Note that such a female never forgets when you promise to take her out for dinner or for drinks or buy her clothing or take her on a vacation (and will remind you constantly of this if you forget!) Strangely, she also never forgets when it’s time to get an expensive, self-indulgent beauty treatment or when her favorite TV show is on or that she wants to have pizza for dinner. But somehow her memory isn’t capable of recalling that you told her to rake up all the leaves in the yard, not just some of them, or that you have told her six times never to put certain delicate items in the wash. Sometimes forgetting is a physical/mental issue that you and she must find ways to work with and improve, ways such as by writing things down or using other mnemonic techniques. But more often, it’s just a sign that she couldn’t care less about your goals, objectives, or needs without hers being considered, and so gives the tasks assigned her only partial attention and focus.
If a woman becomes aware of the mercenary prostitute she’s become, she can start to change. The hardest part for females who exude these flaws is becoming aware of their true natures in the first place. Even if the man is strong enough to insist she see the truth about herself and the grasping nature of her service, she will, if she’s deeply committed to the transactional “I must get as good as I give” attitude, either dismiss her master’s dissatisfaction in her head as nonsense, think he is unfairly attacking her, or completely admit to her fault in the moment, but then forget a few minutes after the conversation that this issue was even brought up. There isn’t much that can be done with a female in such an extreme stage of denial. A man might want to let her go off and experience the harshness and disappointments life brings to those who regularly deny reality. Even then, if she calls crawling back to you, years later, repentant, she will no longer be the enchanting creature you once wanted to own (“Yet neer the self-same men shall meet; the years shall make us other men.”–Robert Graves). The world will likely have done other things to her personality: coarsened it, made her more capable of other forms of deception, and embittered her. The only hope for such a female is that, no matter how hard it is, she must realize at the time she is with a master how unsubmissive she is. Then, she must have an intense and sincere desire (not motivated by a craving for more reciprocation) to change, and then, more important than anything else, actually follow through on her plan to change. A sane, smart man can help her a little by discussing this ugly thing inside her and strategizing on ways to defeat it, but because it is a part of her, only she can do the hard work of changing. Many such women, if they get some encouragement to change from their masters, will incorrectly regard them as the instigators of the change: the master will somehow wave his magical wand to fix his slave and she won’t have to make any effort of her own. Assuming that attitude is huge mistake on the woman’s part and will likely result in failure to change if she refuses to take the responsibility that is solely hers.
Women: Are you fired up over this article? We admit that we didn’t hold anything back or soften our words to make them more palatable. We hope you can eventually put your shock and upset aside and read again with an open mind, because if you can get past the harsh words, we strongly believe there’s plenty to learn above. This list represents many years of experience with dealing with many wayward women who claim interest in submission but fall horribly short of the mark when tested. Marc, as a master with more than twenty years of experience in domination, has seen just about every trick under the sun, from honest mistakes of ignorance to deep-set personality disorders. Nina, who has served two masters over the course of her life, has watched from the other side of the dynamic as women have approached the men she serves, only to crash and burn. She’s lived long enough to have seen the patterns of deception and manipulation in women who fail at serving. It’s our sincere hope that men who are prospective masters, dominants, or husbands consider these ten monumental errors carefully and watch out for them when training their females. We hope females honestly seeking submission read these points carefully, too. Doing so may save years of trial, error, pain and conflict in attempting to truly submit with all the best of intentions, despite some hidden enemies of the psyche lying within.