April 28, 2016

Acceptance

By Nina E.

Photo by Marc Esadrian

Acceptance in submission (and of one’s submission) can be viewed as a work of art that is never finished and whose canvas is the human heart. When thinking of subservient women, this word brings to mind a shimmering oil painting composed of intense, positive attitudes onto which each humbled female’s consciousness casts her own particular hues. Within that shifting, beautiful canvas there is, for instance, the warm glowing shade of simple accomplishment. This is what a devoted female feels when she attempts something hard that she’s been ordered to do and does it fully, without complaint or reservation. There is often the solid and secure awareness that she is exactly where she should be in life, exactly where she belongs. There may be a deep sense of gratitude that, due to lucky coincidence, she met the man that she now serves, this man who so perfectly meets her strongest emotional needs. Then there’s the incredibly powerful sense of emotional security that a woman who needs ownership and control feels when she is truly owned and controlled. There’s also the near-blissful experience of giving generously and unstintingly of herself, no matter how hard it is, knowing that her energy, efforts, and sacrifices help to make her man’s life better. Some women feel a cleansing release from the pressure of having to make all of the decisions in life. It feels so good not to have to steer one’s own course through the world’s dangerous and troubled waters. A woman’s acceptance of her chosen lot in life, to serve a man she worships, even if it’s not absolutely perfect (and what in life is?) is an emotional canvas comprised of many brilliant complimentary colors. Acceptance brings quiet and abiding joy, peace, and relaxation to formerly stressed, unhappy, or insecure women who once wandered lost through their alienated, self-willed lives.

Complete acceptance of whatever her man wishes may bring a humbled female temporary distress at times, but overall her satisfaction, sense of purpose, and happiness with herself will be higher than at any other time in her adult life. One nice thing about acquiescing to the will of the man in your life is that this is not an arcane science, difficult to master. Any woman serving a man in a personal relationship can practice simple acceptance and benefit from it, provided he is also on board with it and not an unwilling participant in her fantasy of submission. She can, happily and securely, work toward perfecting herself under his watchful guidance and control.

There are many women who genuinely want to learn more and better ways to serve and surrender. They reject the idea of secretly fighting their men at every turn while they pretend absolute obedience.

Acceptance is an intentional choice that one must desire with a sincere heart as well as regularly embrace and affirm it if it is to be both genuine and strong. Some women, however, are incapable of the even the simplest levels of self-honesty and desire for personal change that this choice requires.They are far more invested in  (one could even say addicted to) dramatic acting out of petty emotional theater productions that always end with themselves in the right and others in the wrong. Such emotionally ill females are incapable of even the simplest and easiest forms of personal honesty and self-criticism.  And if they imagine themselves to be submissive and giving rather than grossly self-infatuated, they take a very different route when interacting with men they claim they want to serve. Emily is one such woman.

Emily is a drama queen par excellence. Online, she is known by others as a deeply submissive woman who loves her master passionately and who is almost preternaturally obedient. Her blogs are avidly read and praised by inexperienced submissive women and dominant men, who take her subtly boastful claims at face value. She thrives on this attention and on maintaining her sterling reputation, which, like many online reputations, is constructed almost entirely of an impressive house of cards: word-pictures painted for the gullible who want to believe she is for real but will never observe how she actually lives or behaves. She manages her image very well in the kinky social media she interacts with and no one would suspect that this exemplary female who seems to know so much about surrender and obedience is actually a harpy in her personal life, utterly determined to get her own way at all times, no matter what the cost to others, particularly to the man she putatively serves.

While Emily literally lives online as a sterling example of female submission, in her private, offline life, she is one of those women who “manages her own submission.” Her idea of control is what her master is “allowed” to exhibit around her or order her to do; anything else is either ignored or fought tooth and nail, often with a great deal of subtle psychological manipulation. Emily and her older, doting master still live apart, as many couples who initially meet online do until time and fortunes allow for a closer union. She has schemes on the back burner to change that, although, at the moment she is still quite busy with conditioning her master to “truly understand” her sensitive soul.

This relationship is still relatively new and certainly not her first attempt at submission to a man. Sadly, no man has been truly dominant enough to master her, she feels. Her current master, like so many others she has met, seems remarkably dense when it comes to her sensitive feelings and needs and sometimes she must literally shove them in his face before he acknowledges just how wonderful she is and all that she does for him. Emily never fully admits to herself how manipulative she is being. With a devoted, subservient self-image that she never questions, she resorts to what can only be termed “base trickery” to convince her master of her worth to him. All of her emotional ploys are, at core, about controlling her master’s reactions, steering his attitudes in the directions she wishes, and eventually getting him—by emotional reward and punishment—to give her whatever it is she feels her wounded soul needs at that time.

Don’t get me wrong: Emily is not a traditional gold-digger. What she wants is 90% emotional: attention, love, fawning adoration, her master’s exclusive time, and his firm belief that she is the best (and only) woman in the world for him. Although she prefers to believe she doesn’t think in such “vanilla” terms, ultimately, it will be no less than marriage and monogamy that will satisfy Emily. Emily, sadly, pursues these ephemeral goals with a calculated single-mindedness that a potential gold-digger could actually learn a great deal from.

One common stratagem out of many that Emily employs involves inventing a false emotional crisis and then insisting her master must fix it because, after all, he is the one responsible for how she is feeling. This common trick has been used many times by untold numbers of women. A woman who desires something from the average man learns quickly how easily these emotional parries and feints work. Most men, for all of their apparent strength and rationality, quail at the idea that their woman might be feeling deep desperation, hurt, confusion, and despair because of something they did. Good-hearted, honorable, and fair, believing their partners are honestly expressing pain, most men will do anything to make the women in their lives smile again. The average female figures out how to play on this noble tendency pretty early in life. In order to make her deception believable, Emily becomes a sort of method actor. Even though deep inside she knows that the latest crisis she’s invented is all a lie, for a time she manages to convince herself that it is absolutely real, that she is actually feeling this intense distress. Not only is it the worst pain she has ever experienced, but only her man’s acknowledgement of her pain, his heartfelt apology for hurting her so cruelly, and his sincere promise to make it up to her will bring her out of this dark pit of despair that he has, through his blundering and selfishness, sunk her into. Often men wander through life, oblivious to the subtle emotional games women play with them, and attribute their own sadness and lack of peace despite significant personal achievement to some internal failing. Emily’s “master,” unfortunately for him (and, ultimately, for her), is one such man.

Emily alternates her bouts of deep, depressed angst with periods of intense, bubbling joy and seemingly heartfelt flattery. When she’s at the top end of the ever-turning drama wheel, she writes him love letters that puts conventional purple prose to shame. Emily’s master responds to these in a predictable fashion. They make him proud of her and of the fact that he “owns” this incredibly rare prize. Both her accusations of his wrongdoing and his eventual realization and acceptance of what he has done “wrong” exhilarate Emily and make her feel as though she is at the center of his universe, constantly on his mind. So she repeats this easy cycle, over and over again, and after each dramatic crisis her “master” becomes more concerned, more careful, more fawning, cowed, and more amazed at what a marvelous find he has.

While “Emily” is an invented character, a composite sketch based on many women I have known or observed, she is not at all uncommon. Because I was myself once something of an “Emily,” I can easily spot Emily types at work. Many a female cannot genuinely handle giving up control or accepting that a man is her ultimate authority in all things. For them, instead of a relaxing, joyous experience, acceptance of his will is a shameful defeat, or a fearful, nervous state in which they are convinced that they’ll never get what they really need without intense covert manipulation. But, at the same time, submission to a man seems so romantic and special! Just look at the men who are lovingly served by women: these males seem so happy with their girls, so confident and virile! And those slave girls, they seem so deliriously happy all the time! Desire to be something that they really aren’t or cannot be sets up a conflict in the minds and emotions of such proud, willful, and intensely greedy women. They don’t want to give up their emotional power over men, but at the same time some part of them wants the romantic experience of completely submitting to male power—that is, as long as it’s only inconvenient, difficult, or painful in their fantasies. Many, like Emily, settle for the easy compromise of appearance over substance. They deceive themselves—as well as their men. How can they deceive a strong, alert, dominant man? They can’t, of course, so, if they’re smart, they carefully select men they sense will be vulnerable to their wiles: men who, for their own reasons, desire the flattery these women offer and the status of being a master far more than the gratification that comes from the hard work of actually controlling another person.

Luckily, most of the people I am writing for, the people who will visit a site like Humbled Females without becoming outraged, those who embrace its message of male-led relationships being the best for both men and women, are not “Emilys” nor, if they are male, do they want to own “Emilys.” There are many women who genuinely want to learn more and better ways to serve and surrender. They reject the idea of secretly fighting their men at every turn while they pretend absolute obedience. Likewise, many men who are drawn to a site like this are determined to be strong leaders in such relationships and not fall for the common female deceptions that they see their buddies struggling with. Such people, I believe, are in the majority, at least among this site’s population. Still, those of us who are female can probably recognize a little bit of Emily inside ourselves. It’s not because we are bad people, it’s because we are female: it’s a part of our genetic inheritance. But unlike a club foot, deafness, or other physical impairment, emotional tendencies toward deceptiveness can be actively fought and even reversed as long as a woman sincerely desires to change and is capable of rudimentary self-honesty.

Photo by Marc Esadrian

“I feel like a GOOD person when I just accept whatever my master wants. For years, with other partners, I felt like a bitch from hell and hated myself for being that way.” —Nicole

For those of us who want to cleanse the inner “Emily” from our psyches (or at least put her under lock and key), there are a few basic principles of human psychology that, once we are familiar with them, make it easier to understand why acceptance is such an affirming and important choice for a female to make. They explain the basis behind how and why acceptance works, psychologically, to make ourselves and our men happier. Once a female serving a male grasps the psychological dynamics behind the fights for power and drama caused by nonacceptance and experiences the misery and dissatisfaction such struggles bring to all concerned, it becomes a lot easier to integrate genuine acceptance into her life.

For a woman who chooses submission, the inability to accept what the man in her life wants is often based on (1) faulty thinking and (2) unfamiliarity with a basic tenet of human nature. Let’s start with the basic tenet. This principle states simply that “desire is infinite.” No matter what you do, no matter how hard you strive, no matter how much you buy or how much is given to you, you are still going to, as long as you can think and feel, want more. That is normal human nature and it is not as bad as it sounds. Desires are at the base of almost all human achievements. They provide the energy that drives us to achievement, some of which may better the world for ourselves and for those around us. Desire is behind all of the good that we do—as well as the bad.

While I don’t think desire can be completely scrubbed from the life of most people, many can, if they want to, learn over time to step back from the latest thing that they desire and carefully examine the consequences of getting it or of continuing to crave it.

Desire is not greed but it can be easy to confuse the two. Greed is actually desire on steroids. There is a strong quantitative difference between the two emotions and it’s good to be able to distinguish this difference, because desire and greed have to be handled in different ways: what works for one doesn’t work for the other. This article is talking primarily about handling desires or wants, not intense greed. The latter is fueled by other energies such as insecurity and pride, and those things must be addressed first before one can make headway with greed.

Most people live their entire lives leapfrogging from desire to desire. This emotional habit starts very early, in childhood. It goes like this: We’re going along just fine, everything’s OK, but nothing is too special. Then suddenly there is a stimulus: we encounter or experience something fascinating, something new, and we think, “If only I had that object, that feeling, that person, that experience, I would be happy, content, fulfilled forever.” This thing, whatever it is, becomes the top priority on one’s A list. But have you noticed that after someone gets their much-sought-after “Item A,” whatever it happens to be, he or she is back, a few hours, days, or weeks later wanting something else? “Item B” is now the new shiny, the wonderful toy just out of one’s grasp, and one must have it, whereas Item A is now suddenly old hat, in fact, a bit boring. It felt so good to finally get it but now, for some strange reason, “A” no longer satisfies. If you think about your life, you can probably remember times in the past when you told yourself the same thing: “If I could only have this amazing object, person, career, trip to Tibet that I crave, I’d never desire anything else.” But did that really happen? Are you still truly satisfied and happy right now, in the present, simply because you got something you really desired ten years ago? Are you completely content, without a single new desire popping up or competing for your attention? Do you even find that once-amazing “Item A” interesting anymore?

It’s good to remember that desires are infinite and ever-changing: we’ll always have them for one thing or another and they will always seem necessary or even urgent. But when you realize that your current desperately unfulfilled desire is just going to be replaced by something else when it is filled, your craving for the next new thing starts to relax. There’s really no need for rushing or desperation about this, because you’re going to feel this way for the rest of your life: for thing, after thing, after thing, always replacing the current shining objective with something else. So why place such extreme importance on your latest “I must have this?” As soon as you’ve plucked this latest wonderful thing off time’s ever-moving conveyor belt, there will be something else delicious rolling along right toward you. If you think about strong desire in this fashion, as perpetual and cyclic, as an ever-recurring part of being alive and experiencing time, you can see the faulty logic in thinking, “If I only had A, I would be sublimely happy and never want for more.”

“I was amazed the first time I gave in, really gave in, to my husband during an argument I wanted so bad to win. At first I was crying bitterly, but as I cried I started to feel relief: the tears were washing away my bitterness, my need to win every argument, my need to control the relationship, even control the direction of my own submission. Suddenly I was able to let go of that tremendous burden of feeling like I had to run things—and I felt lighter than air.” —Lauren

The fact that desires are infinite has an important corollary: most of us enjoy, really enjoy, the tension of wanting something. For many, it’s what gives zest to life. We also deeply enjoy the few moments after we achieve what we want: the instant where the tension of needing this thing is released and the short period of relative bliss that follows. But, in general, we don’t enjoy simply having the thing nearly as much—at least not without the added frisson of stress or fear over losing it. Few possessed things require such additional tension, however, and so most people start, sooner or later, to take the good things that they have acquired in their lives for granted. We do this because most of us, to put it bluntly, are tension junkies: we secretly enjoy that hard, tightly wound-up ball of “constant craving,” of deeply wanting something that seems difficult or nearly impossible to get. We also greatly enjoy, even to the point of addiction, the instant high when the tension of neediness is finally released and we achieve what we’ve craved for so long. Although sometimes there is a letdown or disappointment that follows a great achievement, typically, the longer and harder we want something, the more delicious that instant of release. When observing yourself closely during these cycles, the tension-release cycle of desire can feel a lot like being a hamster in a cage, perpetually running on a wheel that goes nowhere. You desire something, you either get it or you don’t, but either way you soon desire something new. It’s an endless (and imprisoning) loop.

What stops most people from observing this is that they have become addicted. They crave desire’s tension and release intensely—although they often think they are craving a particular object rather than an emotional windup and release. From this idle, needling craving comes a great deal of the stressful emotional drama that adults create in their lives. Inside many adult bodies that are speaking so rationally and acting so politely is someone screaming and raging, like a purple-faced toddler rolling about on the floor because mommy or daddy wouldn’t buy her the candy she craved in the grocery store. Like that toddler, many such people will not stop creating scenes until they get what they want. Men’s “scenes” tend to be fairly straightforward: even if their desires are irrational, it is clear what they want. But a woman often cloaks her frustration and rage at not getting what she wants with a subtle, carefully constructed (albeit false) rationale accompanied by an initially acceptable and pleasing demeanor that is based on what she knows about the person she is trying to get something from—and what she thinks she can easily slip by him.

So, what exactly do we do with this bit of human psychology about desires, tension, and release? There are actually a lot of things we can do. For instance, those trying to become aware of their addiction to the tension/release emotional cycle will often ask themselves things like: “Do I really need this thing? Is it absolutely necessary?” While I don’t think desire can be completely scrubbed from the life of most people, many can, if they want to, learn over time to step back from the latest thing that they desire and carefully examine the consequences of getting it or of continuing to crave it. Will achieving this object or goal be useful to me or actively harm me? What about those I love? Does it further hinder any other important life goals? Does it this desire clash with or contradict other, equally strong desires that I have? And if there are clashes, which desire should get the priority?

“I love seeing how content my acceptance makes Him. Sure, it feels great personally to surrender to Him and accept anything from Him. I’m female, after all. But better even than that is watching his satisfaction in what he has molded me into.” —Amy

The ability to examine desires analytically rather than just blindly and intensely seeking to satisfy them is especially important to women whose control over their lives and particularly over which desires they can fulfill is, by the nature of their special relationships, more or less curtailed. The very fact that you not only can have some control over what you feel you want but can consciously reject a desire when it is important to do so, can be very exhilarating. It offers one a much clearer path through life. No longer does living have to be thrown off-kilter or progress halted due to random but exceedingly intense cravings that take over everything. For example, when it comes to a high-cost desire, you may very well find that, whether the currency is money, effort, or emotions, you can get that rush in so many other gratifying but less costly ways: eating an ice-cream cone instead of buying an expensive dinner out, purchasing a new book or a lipstick instead of begging your master for that $500 dress, renting a good movie instead of annoying someone who’s trying to work simply because you are bored, having a relaxing soak in the tub with candles and wine if you are stressed, and so on. There are so many other things in life to try, to explore, or make time for that are fascinating, fun, gratifying, that give you a rush of accomplishment and attainment, and are far less costly in material or emotional terms than a “big ticket” item. The trick is to imagine things you want but tend to put aside because they’re small and easily obtainable and then to gratify yourself with one of them. By satisfying the underlying desire to feel the tension of needing and then its release, we can get our “rush” of fulfillment from something far less costly—and be content for a while.

When in the grip of a strong desire, it can be hard to imagine how to lessen its hold. You want it and nothing else will do. One way to do this is to take a step back and look at all that is good around you, all that you have. Think of how amazingly lucky you are: you have health, food, shelter, possibly love, friendships, a job, intelligence, the leisure time to read an article like this one, and the relatively expensive electronic device needed to access it. The majority of people living in this world lack most of these things, but we, through an accident of birth and circumstance, have lucked out.

Now take another step back and see how your craving for tension and its relief sometimes hurts others around you. Is there any justification for causing someone else pain simply because you want something and you will not rest until you get it? Do you really need to be this selfish, is the thing at stake worth causing others misery? A common case in which this situation crops up, as we saw with Emily, is when a female creates a lot of unnecessary drama around the people she is close to, like inventing problems out of whole cloth so that the man she is supposedly serving will “solve them” for her (and thus, a part of her thinks, serve her). Creating drama is a rather dysfunctional exercise of desire’s tension/relief cycle because “desires” created with the ulterior motive (however hidden that motive may be from its creator) to stir up trouble are not natural or, in most cases, genuine.

“I used to tell myself all the time how great I was at accepting, how “surrendered” I was. I was so proud of being the super-submissive that all the other girls in my circle looked up to. But deep inside I felt like a hypocrite because at home, with my master, I wasn’t so perfect after all.” —Jasmine

Women who engage in regular drama with men they are close to sometimes do so because they are unable to move past the deeply romantic “honeymoon phase” of the relationship, when it eventually nears an end. Some females grow addicted to all the special attention the men in their lives gave them during this time of “court and spark.” When things settle down (as they should, so that the relationship can grow in new and, quite often, much better directions) such women, instead of waiting for this mature and much deeper stage to ripen, are unsettled, unhappy, longing for the excitement and thrills of the earlier romantic courtship phase. They wistfully desire to be new, mysterious, and unknown all over again, so that their every thought and word, however trivial, will be given special consideration. This sort of female, frustrated by no longer being the absolute center of her man’s attention, can invent violent emotional storms in an attempt to take center stage again. These inventions take many forms. They are seldom direct attacks. Often they take the form of  very subtle and seemingly self-denigrating manipulations—but they are still attacks on the man’s authority and ploys to get more attention paid to her. She may, for instance, angrily accuse a boyfriend of seeing other girls or liking other women more than herself, even when there’s absolutely no truth to that accusation. For her (and for him, if he’s not watchful) her intense emotion over this non-issue “makes” it true. Or she might accuse her husband of not loving her enough or caring about the things that are important to her. She may claim that with his demands for service, her master is holding her back from fulfillment, achievement, and personal growth. She may intentionally misunderstand what a man says, spinning it as a sly, ugly attack that he never intended, so that she can play the poor abused victim. She may insinuate that her man is bored with her or claim that he severely underestimates her intelligence, loyalty, or obedience. And, of course, there is the ever-present unspoken accusation, even if she seldom speaks of it directly, that he just doesn’t try hard enough to understand her.

The tension caused by a woman’s negative, dishonest indirect, and highly dramatic attacks on a man she is in a relationship with and the relief she (if not him) feels when he capitulates to her whims, accepts her accusations, and gives her what she wants, substitutes for what she sees as a severe loss of the attention and vanity-stroking that she once basked in during the springtime of the relationship. Acting out this perpetual tension-relief cycle only feeds her addiction for more of it. She may become calm and mollified for a while, especially if the man has worked hard to “bring her back.” All is quiet until she starts to feel a lack: he isn’t flattering her enough, listening as closely to everything she says, not following her “advice,” nor communicating with her as frequently as she wants. She broods over this, slowly, getting increasingly worked up as she does so. She conveniently fantasizes that something is terribly wrong—with him—and that it is up to her to bring him back (in line). And then, not too long after that, the next new thing to get extremely upset over pops into her mind. And so the drama wheel turns.

“I don’t know, really. I like to give in and just accept everything my man tells me to be, but sometimes I feel a little wrong about it. Sometimes I worry that if I don’t assert myself, I’ll never be able to survive on my own. But he’s slowly teaching me that accepting his will is not the same as mindlessness or stupidity.” —Melissa

And here’s where another type of faulty thinking comes in. In many cases, a female’s addiction to drama is brought about by her desiring too much from a dominant man, by her wanting much more than “just” a life of loving, devoted service. She wants it all, which often means a dominant man whom she can secretly control. She succumbs to greed, in other words. And what is greed? Desire on steroids, yes. Also a violent hot fire, often accompanied by the choking smoke of envy, which destroys everything in its path. Do wonderful, giving females who simply want to serve, really do this? Absolutely, some do, but not all of us. Some of us choose to struggle directly with our internal demons rather than dramatically project them upon others—and are actually winning the battles, one slow step at a time.

Acceptance is not just an idealized trait that a woman can imagine that she already has simply because she wants it to be so. It requires considerable awareness and patience to genuinely accept whatever your man gives you and not want more.

How do some women work on subduing their desire to cause drama? One really effective way to do this is by practicing acceptance. Acceptance involves, first and foremost, understanding that all females, including her and maybe especially her, are prone to this selfish, dramatic behavior. While it’s a relief to know you aren’t the only one with tendencies to act this way, it’s also rather humiliating to face the fact that you’re only female, with all of the weaknesses of our sex, not some special, superhuman angel immune to all of these tawdry games. A woman who embraces service may hide her propensity for drama from herself better than a woman who is completely unashamed of the way she uses and manipulates men. This can make the disease harder to root out, because we may start out blind to the fact that we feel and act this way: these ugly emotions are just not part of who we believe ourselves to be at heart. However hard it is for a female to admit, it’s only when she can see clearly how she feeds her addiction to the tension-relief cycle by causing others pain, stress, or sorrow that she has a chance of changing this ugly behavior. Once she is aware of that pattern, a woman can begin to learn both to tone down her greed for attention and to direct her need for tension and relief toward an objective that is positive—or at least relatively harmless.

Some women also need to realize that their tendency to make emotional mountains out of molehills causes their men to be constantly put out, unsettled, unhappy, never able to rest or relax. The sad result of constant drama cycles is that instead of a nutritious and bountiful harvest that nourishes both parties of a growing, maturing relationship, there will be nothing left after the fleeting blooms of Spring’s romance fade and fall from the trees. What little emotional fruit tries to grow during the long, hot summer of the maturing relationship will not be able to do so in the drama-heavy but strangely barren environment those females who are unconsciously addicted to attention tend to foster.

Acceptance is not just an idealized trait that a woman can imagine that she already has simply because she wants it to be so. It requires considerable awareness and patience to genuinely accept whatever your man gives you and not want more. In other words, acceptance is developed by slow, hard practice, not simply by telling yourself that because you now understand this concept suddenly everything will magically be different. It almost never is different if, despite the so-called amazing insights, one still does the same old stuff as before, so it’s important for a humbled female to stop repeating to herself that type of lie. There are no intellectual magic wands involved in this process. Understanding is almost always barren and ineffectual without hard experience, without actually going through what one claims from a safe, cozy distance to intellectually understand.

Acceptance is a difficult skill to master, but absolutely essential to a humbled female’s future happiness as a servant to another. Acceptance takes time, effort, and understanding to develop. It doesn’t happen overnight or even over a few months. But it is absolutely crucial that women who serve learn how to accept and be happy with everything they have been given, rather than constantly dissatisfied and whining for something more. The more restricted and controlled a woman’s life, the more she will need to learn, for her own happiness as well as for the continuation of the relationship, to simply accept.

Once a woman truly understands that desire is infinite and never ends—that it never becomes satiated more than a few moments, hours, or days, no matter how often it is fed—she can start to relax around it, start to see that her desires are not as serious and as pressing as she once imagined them to be. She realizes that she’s not going to die or suffer deeply if she doesn’t get exactly what she wants this instant—or even next week. She also cannot, particularly if she’s become aware of her tendency to cause drama, latch onto one single act of her man and imagine it, and only it, demonstrates devotion or care on his part (and a lack of it means he despises her). She may even come to the highly pleasing realization that she is the one who should be expressing devotion and care toward him, rather than demanding he give more and more demonstrations of homage and express ever more need for her.

Acceptance of servitude starts with acceptance of yourself. Nobody is perfect and certainly nobody is perfect at service. None of us are born to this way of living. Instead, most of us have to unlearn a lot of bad, old habits, such as obstinacy or a desire to manipulate others or even feeling “hurt” by the lack of attention we seem to be receiving from someone. As you live in a real-life situation where you are serving a man, you start to see how complex service really is. Superficially, it all seems so simple: he orders me and I obey. But each order comes within a context. Many orders you won’t mind obeying at all; others will be quite difficult or may seem overwhelming. Working through these difficulties means finding ways to surmount your baser instincts to rebel, resist, or make excuses for yourself and doing what you must without expecting or demanding any rewards in return. This is what genuine servitude is all about—and there are always new challenges. In fact, they never end. That is actually a good thing. Challenges both sustain and strengthen a servant. They “stretch” her by inspiring her to change in positive ways. A woman who becomes good at acceptance doesn’t beat herself over the head with every little failure. She understands that failure is natural and human. Instead, she tries to learn new things from each incident: What wrong ideas did I have that caused this to be so unpleasant? Why did I feel the need to be sarcastic or angry at him? Was doing what he wanted really worth all the fuss and drama that preceded it? How am I going to avoid this reaction in the future?

Losing to her male, conceding ground, admitting she is wrong and he is right: all of this feels so basic and so very right. It’s no wonder that she responds physically and in a most natural way: it’s very hot to be under a man’s dominance. 

Do you know what I mean when I say that while no man is perfect (just as no woman is), the man you are serving may be perfect for you? The average woman, who considers herself equal to her male partner (if not much more), is often acutely aware of his defects. Let’s face it, women notice details, sometimes positive details but often negative ones, and the average female who is dissatisfied with her role in life but doesn’t understand why will often blame the man she is close to for this dissatisfaction: if only he would take out the trash more, not leave his shoes lying about, take her out to a club or movie, or listen to her more carefully, she’d be so happy. Those of us who serve men will also notice that they are not perfect in everything that they do, but instead of blaming our dissatisfaction on them or on their habits, we adjust ourselves instead: we train ourselves not to mind these things so much, we “stop sweating the small stuff.” We often feel so happy and privileged, even, to be serving our men. We know that these little things really don’t matter, because the biggest need in our lives is being met by their control. Getting that deep need met is so soothing and calming that it makes the little imperfections that we notice pretty trivial in comparison.

“Acceptance feels to me like a cool breeze on a hot day in the desert! The desert is my controlling heart and the breeze of acceptance is the only thing that keeps everything within it from withering up and dying.”—Taylor

A wonderful part of acceptance of one’s servitude toward a man is in finding that you’ve become more forgiving of yourself and also of others close to you, particularly him. There are far more important things in your life to think about now than to speculate crazily about whether he’s out to get you. You now have a place, an identity that feels so good and so very solid that you no longer need the dysfunctional games that weaker personalities play to make themselves feel better. You are better, healthier, happier, and that expresses itself by a natural lowering of aggression and drama around others. Happy people are far too busy and involved in improving their and others’ happiness to develop the obsessions and engage in the drama that the perpetually miserable seem to love.

For those who yearn for a male-led relationship and feel that this is the only right way to live, acceptance can be incredibly erotic. Have you ever noticed that after you’ve conceded a major point to your man—apologized to him, accepted harsh discipline, felt humiliated or just been amazed by his wisdom—that you start feeling wet between your legs? Have you noticed that happening after a bitter verbal battle—which you lost? It’s a common reaction for women like us and at first it can seem a little confusing. A woman to whom this happens may wonder if she is eroticizing self-hatred or failure. But after a while she starts to realize she doesn’t get aroused if this sort of thing happens around other people. It’s only triggered by a certain person: the man who controls her. Losing to her male, conceding ground, admitting she is wrong and he is right: all of this feels so basic and so very right. It’s no wonder that she responds physically and in a most natural way: it’s very hot to be under a man’s dominance. Her sexual response has nothing to do with thinking she’s a nobody or stupid or evil; it has everything to do with realizing, once again, why it is she follows this glorious man. He is stronger than her, smarter than her in many ways, and far more aggressive and dominant than her. And that is so wonderfully erotic.

It is several years later and Emily feels great anticipation inside herself as she drives home from a shopping trip. She’s gotten everything she wanted. Although she doesn’t think of it in these terms, she has been training her master non-stop, and he now backs down immediately when she indicates the least bit displeasure or unhappiness over an order or even a request. Emily’s emotions run this relationship quite competently. She now lives with her master, he’s stopped seeing or even contacting other females for service (something he told her at the beginning was a part of his nature and that he’d always do), and a marriage date is set. He’s become cowed, fearful of making her upset, and so eager to please. And yet, getting what she worked so hard for is all strangely dissatisfying. Lost in her vanity and self-interest, Emily decides her master must be to blame for her current feelings of restlessness and being let down and she has come up with a delicious way to get him to regret his non-dominant ways that she once worked so hard to foster in him. She’s going to reveal to him that she’s been seeing another dominant man to get her needs to serve met, the needs that he so callously ignores. (This isn’t exactly true, but she’ll find someone quickly online if she has to prove it to him.) She’ll point out to him what a pussy he’s been, how he lets her walk all over him, and how his weakness disappoints and confuses her. She knows that when he repents and decides to take over the reins of control again in order to give her what she wants she’ll rebel even more crazily and violently than before until he is back in his place. Emily is thinking: “He’s hurt me so bad by being such a wimp of a man!” Although she won’t admit it to herself, she is feeling: “Oh god, what a fun way to ‘get him’ this is going to be!”

Emily drives into their garage and unlocks the door to the house. She calls, “Master? Master! Where are you?” She’s annoyed that he’s not responding: the game-playing jerk is ignoring her! She wanders from room to room. Finally she enters his “man cave” (the one room in their shared abode she doesn’t impose her personal tastes in décor on) and sees her master, lying crumpled on the carpet, his face blue, his chest still. Emily suddenly realizes, as her world starts to plummet around her, that the time for drama games is long gone. It’s the beginning of Emily’s rude awakening, of realizing how differently (and how much better) she could have treated him, how deeply she’s going to miss him, how hard it will be to live without his calm, positive soul always supporting her when she was scared or discouraged, how absolutely horribly she’s betrayed this good, honorable man, and, especially, how she’ll never be able to express to him how much she loved him and depended on him. A door in Emily’s life has slammed shut and she’ll live with her regret until the end of her days.

It may not seem like this to you right now, but in truth, time is incredibly short. There comes a time for everyone when years will seem to have passed by in an instant. It is the hope of this article that those of you reading this are already happy and accepting in submission to your men, or, if not, are able to find your way to a better, more fulfilling way of living before you experience, as poor Emily did, that it is far too late.


July 20, 2013

The Foundation of Male Dominance

Marc Esadrian

Photo by Marc Esadrian

At Humbled Females, we often speak a great deal about authentic submissiveness in women and how to best channel and hone it. This is necessary, as female submission is a subject of tremendous breadth and scope. Much more can and will be written of it, but in this article, I’m going to do something that deviates from the trend of our publications, thus far: I’m going to address men.

That’s right. If you’re a male and happen to think of yourself as “dominant” (or wish to be) and you’re reading this, my message in this article is directed to you. I’m also addressing males who don’t necessarily think of themselves as dominant, but find themselves wandering the digital halls of this site, regardless. My friends, it seems to me that something has to change in the way many of us relate to and interact with the female sex. Many of us men seem to be found wanting where it comes to projecting the depth, power, and confidence that marks an authentically dominant male. So very many men, in fact, seem so very weak and pliable when tested. It’s possible you might not be the type of person I’m speaking of in this body of text, and if so, I suspect you’ll still have little to no difficulty recalling any number of occasions in which you’ve seen other men make fools of themselves in their bids to acquire members of the female sex or keep them under their control.

To all the male readers, seasoned or green, I simply ask this: are you in control of your desires or do your desires have a tendency to ride roughshod over you, instead? A simple question, it seems, but below the surface, it points toward something a little more complex. On the genomic level, we are never free of desire, of course, for to be free of it would mean we’d be dead. But what I’m getting at, particularly, is the ability to still your thoughts and modify your urges, to channel them and hone them as a complimentary mirror to what we desire in the female sex. Put more plainly, for a woman to surrender to a man’s dominance, there must first be an understanding of dominance in the man. There must be an understanding and successful application of control, not only of her, but of himself. I’m bringing all this up because, frankly, I see a lot of men doing some pretty silly stuff under the assumed mantle of dominance, a mantle which is often little more than a cheaply painted veneer, a prop to give the appearance of mastery, but not much more than that, once one cuts gently below the surface to reveal the tender flesh of inadequacy.

I know my words may sound a bit judgmental and event arrogant, but I don’t mean them to be. I write this because I care about how men are presenting themselves to women and carrying themselves around women, in general. I have been watching you, as a whole, for some time now, and the grade I give more than half of the assuming, self-assured “dominant” male population is a decided F. Many are failing—miserably, I might add—at projecting dominance and control, but the image problem is not where the problem for many men stops: it is the symptom of an underlying problem, and that problem, overall, is a fundamental lack of understanding about what dominance really is and how to have grace (through internal permission) in wielding it. Further still, it is a larger ignorance of the politics of desire and the power that flows from it…or does not. A blindside to the intelligence and subtlety of the female sex often tends to be present, too. If a man is to truly have power over a woman, he must route out all these failings and weaknesses. Only then can he begin to have any real power over the opposite sex.

On the nature of desire and control

In seeking authority over a female, it is imperative to have a good understanding of what dominance is…and what it is clearly not. Dominance, put succinctly, is a power or modifying influence one has over others. If one does not have influence over another, one does not have power and thus, one does not retain an authentic state of dominion over that person. Without influence, without the ability to inspire movement and devotion in another, one cannot lead. Any influence lent to another for the sake of sensual effect is just that: an effect. Your authority and your control cannot be reliably built upon the shifting sands of a sensual illusion or the delicate embroidery of common romantic mores stitched in wilder thread; it must be something of much more substance. Good leadership—good dominance—never proceeds from artifice, naivety, or dull awareness, nor does it find itself lowered to the state of appeasement to get what it wants. Dominance is never destitute, deprived, or indignant, needing to resentfully stoop to sell itself. It does not have to apologize for its presence and ask for customers, so to speak.

On that note, I’d ask you to consider, if you will, the following lines from interested male parties below. I’ve cut and pasted these words from actual emails sent to my girls by self-described “dominant men.” Can you find the flaws?

“I haven’t heard from you for a while and now I see you have changed your status to seeking a master. You will have to decide yourself if you think there is any point in speaking with me, but I am available for you.”

“I would love to own a beautiful female such as yourself. I see that you mention you want someone that has owned a slave before and I haven’t, but I think I can convince you that I am the perfect owner for you. Why don’t you respond so we can discuss this? Give me a chance, at least.”

“I hope your day is good and I certainly am willing to be a friend and possibly a teacher or mentor to you, if you’d want. I know you have posted looking for one. Are you interested in me or not?”

“Sorry to see you are no longer under consideration. I don’t think he deserved you, anyway. You deserve much better. I hope you’ll consider me as your master. I would jump at the opportunity to have you under my wing.”

Men: do you recognize yourselves anywhere in the above quotes? If you don’t, congratulations. If so, you undoubtedly have some personal work to do. That is, if your future intentions skirt anywhere toward asserting the reality of power and not a comedy sketch of Briffault’s Law.

To those who might be scratching their heads, do any of the above quotes strike you as a bit weak? Pathetic, even? It’s obvious the men above are prostrating before the object of their desires. They flatter and suck up, sometimes condescendingly so, but at the inevitable expense of their own image. The woman reading such messages or hearing such things said to her realizes that what alights before her is but a pale and desperate shade of the firedrake she truly wants. If she has a submissive nature within her, a noble nature that holds no contempt for men or smug superiority to them, she may feel a mild to strong revulsion at being approached so fawningly. She may not understand why these men, communicating the way they do to her, make her feel less than inspired, but she does, instinctively, feel a need to avoid the contradictions they seem to convey in words alone.

When he stumbles over himself for the interest of a woman, he puts himself figuratively (and sometimes literally) beneath her. Contrary, perhaps, to what surrounding culture tends to tell us, it’s not attractive to most women when they see men doing this.

Women, simply by being women, by having the fleshly allurements that come with their sex, inherit a pernicious charm that plays with the free will of men. When a man is sensually weak, he can easily be controlled. When he stumbles over himself for the interest of a woman, he puts himself beneath her. Contrary, perhaps, to what surrounding culture tends to tell us, it’s not attractive to most women when they see men doing this. Those women who do manage to find weakness in men desirable would use your desire to control you while you only assume a facade of control. Some women may find the man led around by his male-part endearing for a season, but they will tire, eventually, and the amusement will lead to inevitable contempt. For this reason, you must be vigilant and use self restraint when appraising those who you would hunt or those who find their way to you. Do not jump too quickly toward a pretty face and facade, lest you pierce a ring through your own nose.

Rein in your impulses a bit. A wise man, a man who would be master, leans easily toward comfortable politeness and graciousness in his dealings with women, but is watchful of his dignity all the same and does not lick up the pleasing lures of flesh unthinkingly or in ways that lower him. With a certain imperviousness, sharp insight, and good judgement, the master truly masters those he would have, and above all, takes care to not find himself mastered by them. Again, words make things sound so simple, but anyone with a dash of experience in bringing the female mind truly to heel will understand the gravity of the task.

Much like Diogenes with his lantern in search of an honest man, a woman wanders in her search for a man of the right quality, often a man who would be her mentor. But how much a mentor can a man be if he is like the proverbial emperor with no clothes, given to chasing his desires so much that they lower him like a simple beast? It marks a great heart and mind when one possesses patience, never spurred by foolish haste over beauty or a blinding lust for it, and thus never making an ass of himself. If you would be master of a woman, you must take care to master your own impulses, or they’ll surely be used against you in some way by her natural wiles, which, even among the best of women, wait secretly to be roused from their slumber. In the very least, you’ll be judged as unsuitable, should her heart be pure in the desire to serve and her mind clear on what marks true dominance in the male. So much for being an agreeable lapdog always seeking her approval. Challenge her mind and simultaneously comfort it with your clear sense of direction. This is not to say you must be a contrarian, a bully, a player, or a braggart, but it is to say that being comfortable in your own skin, having a well-seated confidence, and a well-balanced head is not only attractive, but pivotal in the realm of influence. Of utmost importance is the necessity that you must break the pattern of weakness and naivety seen so frequently among men in these modern times.

Curtailing antipathy and vulgarity

Negative energy is unattractive and alienating. There are men who, having wealth or good looks (or ideally, both), still fail miserably in retaining female interest for long due to an incessant ugliness within their souls. They take too much pleasure in their greeds, hatreds, and prejudices, seeing virtually everything as a crime or conspiracy to meet with strife or agitation. Those who see nothing but the bad in life and who thrill at argument and division provoke little more than aversion and are quickly marked as fools; there is nothing powerful about them. Past the stinging bite of their words, they are only remembered as pitiful, disagreeable, or deranged. We mustn’t walk constantly in darkness, lest we be branded town cynics. Just as there is a moon, so too is there a sun. Be sure to see the good in things along with the bad. Take care to compliment others of their virtues with sincerity. Be supportive of what deserves support, not silent until the time comes, again, for complaint. Be a light that attracts, but not falsely so, and certainly be more a force of harmony than chaos. Being a problem-solver, letting your resources flow, having answers with a kinder face…these things make tremendous difference in the realm of opening and lasting influence.

Take care to speak thoughtfully and well. Let there be a poetry to your words that beguile and a wisdom within them that inspires. This cannot be said enough when speaking of enticing the female mind, for the female searches not so much for wit but wisdom in a male and knows this is often marked by his words as much as his actions. Not all of us are perfect writers or speakers, but we should avoid soiling our speech with vulgarities, in the very least. Paying heed to speaking well speaks, in turn, of good breeding and refinement. Only a dullard writes off this subtle charm as inconsequential.

Don’t play the part of the constant jester. Women love to laugh, indeed, but let your humor be a pleasing discovery that finds its moment, rather than what marks your personhood in social circles, lest you be thought more an entertaining fool than wise. Keep your actions in check with mindfulness and know when a little bit of levity or foolishness is appropriate. Timing, as they say, is everything in life. We certainly mustn’t take ourselves too seriously, but it is generally good practice to be known more for wisdom than endless laughs.

Be a force of reason that is never too quick to harshly judge. This will mark you as thoughtful and gracious rather than a belligerent and cynical egotist. It is the worldly charm of the wise to be tempered in their aggressions, not gobbling up every bait they find to argue and find fault in others. In short, confident and calm dominance is attractive. Belligerent domineering by reflex is not. Making a regular show of your aggression or cynicism is always in bad taste and policy.

The male aesthetic

Care for your body. Women have desire for the male form in its ideal health and so it behooves you to tend to your health and appearance. Good grooming not only makes one more pleasant, but marks the man who is in control of his person. A man who is slovenly or grossly obese outwardly displays his inability to manage his own person. How can he be expected, then, to manage others? In being dominant men, the first foundations of the lives we build reside solely in ourselves. From that bedrock all else may be built upon soundly, including the servants we keep in women.

Nurture art within yourself. Neglect, disorder, disarray, and disease: these are the flies that encircle the carrion of inept men. Such men are incapable of mastering others, for they cannot master themselves. Be aware of your appearance and what it says about you. It is the first clue one can give in the day-to-day world about what resides beneath the skin. It is impossible to know the depths of a man who is a stranger, but we can easily judge him based upon his outward appearance, can’t we? Just as we may judge the discernment of a house’s owner by the its outward impression, so too may you be judged on the outside. Women are subtle observers; they are savvy about outward appearance, for they, by nature, are servants to the visual. Keep abreast of style and fashion within your culture, not to nurture vainglory or a brittle narcissism, but to be marked as one who is awake to taste and refinement and the care of these things. Ignorance is often artless; the learned are often artful. If we understand how the soul is revitalized and inspired through art, should we not, then, seek to embody art in ourselves?

On responsibility, capability, and dignity

Above all things, a man must retain a good reputation. It is half the key to being desirable in your circle. You will be loved if you nurture a repute for responsibility, taste, discernment, wisdom, and courtesy. Veer from the affectations of these things; their substances can only be procured through experience, reflection, and forethought. The female is highly social; her tentacles for rumor and gossip often run farther and deeper today than ever before, given her modern freedoms. It’s fitting, then, to guard your reputation with your life and better to be thought of as a respectable mystery than someone commonly regarded for known faults. For this reason, it is imperative you deal only with those who would guard your honor with equal interest. Watch carefully how women you would let into your circle behave with the personal secrets they have gleaned from others. Steer clear of drama queens, manipulators, and the entire lot of the mentally damaged, no matter what affectations of submission they project or beauty they possess. Sharing energy with such parasites is an endless loop of madness and insult, draining your sense of good will and smearing your image by association.

Don’t recede into self-debilitating laziness. A man who has dreams and acts to pursue them is a man in motion on some level. Waters that are not flowing soon give rise to a swamp caught up in its own dead inertia. From this swamp, a multitude of disease follows: paralyzation, doubt, apathy, ignorance, depression, and addiction.  A man who is resourceful and ambitious, a man who is inclined to action for his well-being and the well-being of those around him is a man who is attractive to a woman, for he is charged with a positive energy that her passive energy will naturally wish to mate with. A man with vision and the boldness to pursue his dreams is exciting and inspiring to women. He is a wellspring of influence, pleasure, and hope. His leadership is grounding, his character uplifting, and his dominance securing. Firm in these good qualities, his dominion is assured.

Do not allow women to walk on you. No lasting happiness can come from humoring the natural tendency for females to manipulate men or cause doubt in them. Enjoy the charms and pleasures of the female sex, but do not become a slave to them. Females will naturally respect males who are intelligent, difficult to corrupt, and carry with them the light of a noble spirit, but they will give little respect to those who kneel and scrape for them. Should a female show interest in the male sycophant, it will be only with the intent to use him. Therefore it is crucial to avoid women who take pleasure in subtly dominating and emasculating men: nothing lastingly good comes from this. It’s not enough to ask such women what truly lies in their hearts for you if you are already subject to them, for a sly opportunism often resides in their persons, and it will play truth like a fiddle. It’s wise, then, to make a sober and detached study of the female and the many ways in which she rises to the occasion of the male’s weakness of need, if only so she may yoke it. Do not compromise who and what you are for sexual access; it may give you short-term pleasure but will not give you long-term happiness. Win manipulative games of the female sex by not playing their games in the first place. Move on to women who exude honesty, humility, and a good manners. Avoid the narcissistic divas, radiating nothing but their own self-worship. Find contempt for the mercantile, who cynically exchange the pleasures of their sex for money. Reject the beautiful manipulator at the first sign of methodical dishonesty. Avoid the unhappy, the dysfunctional, the constantly needy, and the unlucky, as they will weigh you down and infect you with their problems.

Avoid cowardice. Shying away from conflict or challenge, living in shadow, being passive, always manipulating to get what you want, or never showing the courage of your convictions…this is the path of the coward and it is unbecoming and unattractive in a man. Men are the warriors of the species. Females rely upon us to venture into the dark and strike at the heart of encroaching danger, to have a fierce spirit and live in some fellowship with it. This speaks to our responsibility, overall, as the stronger sex. Shirking the call to arms only marks you as shirking your masculine nature. It’s good to be calming and serene, but also fierce when need be, for the protection of what belongs to you.

Respecting masculinity

Reject the contempt of men in society, for it is contempt of you. To that end, avoid being an stooge of modern feminism and the air of sterile androgyny that often accompanies it. Don’t be convinced that male strength is a lie or that what you feel comes natural as a male is merely a social construct. There are those who would have you believe the world between men and women is only right when stood upon its head, that women should take on the roles of men and men of women, or that there is no “real” difference between male and female. Don’t be part of the appeasing, permissive silence that surrounds generally anti-male attitudes and never go along to get along with such attitudes. Men today must be vibrant, strong, and healthy, but we can’t look to gynocentricity to bring us to these things. Resist what, in your heart, feels twisted and poisoned in modern thought about the male sex. Just as your body is a temple, so much more is your mind and spirit. Guard it with dignity and honor. Don’t let it be smeared with the social diseases of the day.

Beware of custom played against you. The past and the present are not the same place, though sometimes we may wish them to be. Following the ways of men in a bygone age to procure honor may only stifle you now, given how the surrounding rules have changed so much. Relinquish nostalgic ideas and customs that blinker men into invisible servility to women and beware those women who would still insist upon such things under the false mantle of “equality.” This is not to suggest polite convention should be thrown out. By all means, open doors for women and cover the bill for a night out, should you be so inclined. Be kind to women and girls in society. Make your mate a happy housewife if you are able. Being a gentleman is never out of fashion, but being a woman’s personal ass certainly should be. It’s wise to beware of the cunning in women’s freedom today, which, on one hand, speaks the wish to be equal in all things, but on the other, takes advantage of romantic convention to invoke double-standard. Do not be the fool who is parted from your money, time, or hard work due to a woman’s blinding narcissism, gross moral relativity, or exploitative dishonesty.

Appreciate the masculine and give it honor. Not being at war with your own sex, take appreciation in maleness and of the male form, which is another way of saying take appreciation in yourself. Learn, again, to love yourself and reject the condescending attitudes about maleness that society viciously inflicts. Each man is a distant brother; treat him as such until there is no reason to afford him this kindness. Don’t step upon him to gain favor with women; doing so elevates you at the expense of your own sex. Avoiding ignorance, egomania, a bitter heart, envy, or anger in your soul: this is the path to inner peace and outward grace, the path to making peace with yourself and being a more desirable man.

On maintaining structure

Know what you want. Before you can begin to properly rule a woman, you must know what you envision for your life. What do you see planned for you life a year from now? Five years? Ten years? How does she fit into this design? Knowing your vision well helps you choose the best female for your designs. If you desire marriage and a family, for instance, you will naturally begin to shape your world accordingly in preparation for this, and you will seek out a mate worthy of the investment. Route out conflicts in your visions, sticking to them, rather than opportunistically drifting where the wind blows you. Make a concerted effort to make all the small, incremental changes necessary to build your future world, placing an ideal female within it, whatever the design of that world may be.

The shape and design of your world must accommodate your authority well and cultivate submission in your woman. A man must have within him the ability to organize his life in a way that allows the two respective energies between male and female to flow into good confluence. Not slovenly or crude in his habits, he is healthy in mind and body and his house is in order. What he possesses has a place and a purpose and is maintained in good keeping. This will naturally extend to caring for a woman who would be his flesh property.

But flesh alone is not only what is kept. The mind itself is the greater possession, and as such, must be brought to heel within sound confines built of clear rules and expectations. This speaks to a man’s ability to clearly communicate what he wants and enforce what he desires through the discipline of structure, a foundation of rules and ideas that are clearly expressed. Under the firmament of rules and clear consequences for transgressions, a woman will all the more easily come to know her place and feel secureness in it. Without structure in place, without an overarching framework of understanding between clarity and authority, a confusing abstractness slowly pervades, giving rise to a silent chaos and discontent. If you are to be a dominant male, and even more so a master, you must have a plan, a general understanding of where you wish to take your life in this regard, and consequently, hers. Charged with the authority you know is yours to have and command, you must lead.

Ending note

The advice given here is only a rough guide. Certainly, all that could be written on the subject is beyond the scope of a single article, but I truly hope that what was provided above has served well in some capacity to men who may just be starting to come into their own with dominance, or men who may find themselves unable to “seal the deal” with those lovely women who have true blue aspirations to submit. The search, especially today, certainly isn’t easy. The modern female is bombarded constantly with messages that she is above submitting to a man—that doing so is the way of the past. A glance in the eyes of many young ladies today reveals that haughty meme of the cool diva they have learned so well. There is so much vainglory, contempt, and deception in many women, even in those with the audacity to call themselves “submissive.” After everything I’ve written above, it must be kept in mind, also, that as a man of standards and of convictions, as a man of integrity and authenticity, the search for an authentically submissive female or a female with potential to be submissive in the contemporary age will be a trial. There are no shortcuts on this path. Women with the makings of humbled females are out there, indeed, but they are somewhat rare birds. Keep this in mind. Keep in mind, also, that beyond the study of philosophy and stratagem, another important part of finding your good girl is good old fashioned patience. Your wait may very well be shortened, however, by adopting and taking to heart the things mentioned above.