ex. It is, at once, our greatest pleasure and primordial curse, a necessary animal contract we explore, suppress, exploit, and flee from one century to the next. The predominant source of this struggle rests in our unease with the magnetic pleasures of sex and the fantasy of transcendence from the material—a discordant wedge fashioned between flesh and spirit. Medieval canonical codes defining immoral and perverse sexual acts and thoughts resulted, naturally, in a heightened preoccupation with sex and sexuality in civilization down through the centuries, proliferating a distorted obsession with it in politics, psychiatry, medicine, and jurisprudence throughout Western society to this very day.

Sex didn’t begin in 1963, as Philip Larkin’s poem Annus Mirabilis insinuates. We humans and our early ancestors have been having sex for millions of years through the evolutionary merging of gametes…and the pleasure in all of this arrived long before we built our first religious or societal injunctions around it. But somewhere along the human timeline we began to complicate sex exactly with these things: superstitions, unrealistic religious dogma, and an obsession with medicalizing anything beyond the strict boundaries of enforced convention. This culminated in what might be called the darkest age of sexual dysfunction: the stifling conventions, ordinances, reticence, and crude science of the Victorian order. Once slipping out of its grip, we arrived upon the first relevant point of the sexual revolution’s modern timeline: the reform of the 1920’s, in which a focus on glamour, leisure, women’s suffrage, and the liberal mingling of the sexes were a part.

The post-World War II era of the 1950s ushered in the rise of suburban culture in America. Consumer production flourished, with Bernaysian movers and shakers selling an idealized way of life to men and women. If we look back to this often romanticized time captured in surviving film and print media, we see a very different world from our own. Its close ties between naive consumerism, conformity, and antiquated mores is, at once, quaintly charming and eye opening, and we see how far we’ve come. When people think about returning to traditional life, in fact, they often time travel back to this specific era in their minds, but this is somewhat of a sham. In truth, the beginnings of these values date back to Republican Motherhood in the 18th century,¹ something little known and much less explored as it fades from collective memory. Nonetheless, the post-war rebirth of suburban idealism and the conservatism of the times created a society of distinct adherence to convention, ripe for change and escape from mind control. And so began the great sexual revolution of the 1960s. The spirit of the revolution was well-meaning, and looking back, I can’t help but admire the times. The bra burning, the hedonistic pursuit of open love, the advent of the birth control pill, rebellious rock music, and the popularity of mind-altering drugs ushered in a new era whose time had come. “Beatlemania” gripped the hearts of young teenage baby-boomer girls. The end of that decade saw the Stonewall riots, in which lesbian and gay activists clashed with police in protest over their continued harassment.² America, and Western society overall, underwent a massive ethical revolution during these times, at the heart of it all a war for the soul of sex itself. For sex was no longer a reason to moralize about decency and matrimonial obligation, but fast becoming a medium of expression—a conduit through which the younger generations would claim liberation from the grip of tight conformity.

 

The Emergent Problem

Modernity, it’s quite fair to say, is sexually liberated. The evolving sexual dialectic, the advent of the birth control pill, and the virtual religion of women’s rights has made us the most sexually open, sexually politicized, and sexually “empowered” we’ve ever been. Women have achieved complete social equality with men. The fetters of rigid convention, matrimonial or otherwise, have dissolved. The rights of sexual minorities, like lesbians, gay men, and transsexuals, take up much more of our public discourse and focus than ever before. And yet with the growing political tensions between men and women, gay and straight, and trans vs. “cis,” a question presses insistently: is there a point where this grand experiment of sexual revolution and its infighting evinces a darker side? Have we overlooked something on that count?

I never considered that possibility much when I was younger, growing up in the seventies and eighties. I was raised under Catholicism, a faith that burdens one with guilt over the inane notion of inherited original sin, and when I left the church at the age of sixteen I naturally aspired to be a “sexual deviant.” I say this tongue-in-cheek, but only partially. Bearing witness to many couples trapped in dysfunctional or otherwise dead-end marriages, and surrounded by a milieu locked in stiff, square-headed moralities, I became an open-minded advocate for what one might call extreme sexual freedom. I’m still such an advocate in many ways. I have absolutely no interest in policing sex. Like most readers, I suspect, I am open to accepting nearly all forms of sexual expression, providing they don’t involve the unwilling or create victims of horrible abuse. It costs nothing to join hands and support gay, lesbian, and bisexual intimacies. It’s easy, right, and good to support men and women exploring the bounds of sexual conventions and complacencies. While I can still say this confidently, a tone of caution has crept into my thinking about where this liberality has brought us and where it’s all going over the next few decades.

It is here I will turn to the current times shaping the personalities of younger human beings—the female variety, in particular. An entire article could easily be written (and will be) concerning young males and the challenges they face today, but in this article I will be focusing upon our daughters, their relationships with modernity, and the prickly subject of sex and sexual identity politics. It is, I suspect, no mystery to the readership that how girls are raised and perceived is an ongoing fascination in larger culture, accelerated by progressive social engineering, of which an audacious feminism and its influences are inextricably a part. This modern feminism should concern those of us who raise female children or have influence over them in some way. The future of women and the way the sexes will continue to interrelate in the inertia of this poisonous (if fashionable) movement is important to those within our specific subculture, too, for not all of us are established with our own wives, submissive females, or otherwise luminous helpmates. Further, the quality of available females for men in the future is of increasing concern. Raising well-adjusted, sane, and overtly feminine females, free of the vitriol of the gender war hysteria, should be immensely important to us if we value a future in which the sexes will relate well. From where I stand today, the prospects for those men who search for women, who are actualized in their feminine instincts or are at least open to them, seem to be quickly dwindling.

The part under particular assault in femininity today is the traditional aspect—the one in which submissiveness is thoughtfully taught, idealized, and honed. Clearly, this is all by design. Female youth is clawed and steered, consistently, in confusing directions, but the enduring waypoint, as it turns out, is far afield from submissivity or any traditional model that would encourage them to embrace classical femininity. The agenda we hear and see today is one of feminist-inspired empowerment and consumable solipsism for little girls. They are coddled by modern media, corporate marketing, educational institutions, and surrounding culture. They are old to stand tall, sneer, and emulate masculine power to degrees that are well and above destructive to notions of traditional girlhood. They are encouraged, openly, to deviate from heteronormativity and view men as agents of a vile patriarchy that has enslaved them for centuries—a concept that has been ground into the minds of our youth for several generations now. If you question the validity of such bold claims, consider the outrageously bolder ones published by NBC News, a major news outlet, decrying heterosexuality as not only a grand conspiracy of the patriarchy and detriment to women, but also, quite simply, “not working.”

In this bizarre article, penned by a managing editor at Stanford University with a PhD, no less, we read such pearls of wisdom as, “historically, women have been conditioned to believe that heterosexuality is natural or innate,” or, “absconding from responsibility is the quintessential strategy of the patriarchy; it’s how men stay in control and never lose their power.” Miley Cyrus herself is quoted in the above article, stating, “being someone who takes such pride in individuality and freedom, and being a proud member of the LGBTQ+ community, I’ve been inspired by redefining again what a relationship in this generation looks like.” This is the same Miley Cyrus who paraded across the screen as a child actress in “Hanna Montana,” a progressive children’s sitcom that premiered on the Disney Channel in 2006, influencing its share of young girls who are now, as of the date of this article’s publishing, in their late teens and early twenties. Her powers of persuasion with the young are obvious, and worth thinking about, to say the least.

The above is but one recent example of the indefensible madness of modern feminism, a willful propaganda that angrily excoriates maleness and encourages misandrist culture with its conspiracy fantasies. And the problem seems to just be getting worse. Girl power anthems are ubiquitous, from morning cartoons of childhood to manufactured university protests in young adulthood, to the increasingly warped politics (and politicians) that run our nation states. Supporting it all, the cynical manipulation of an opportunistic corporate America carries on, but now in a different light. Where it once overtly glamorized male chauvinism in the 1950s, it now obsequiously traffics in feminist propaganda, revealing it has no loyalty to any specific world vision, save the capitalist one. Their mercenary crosshairs are now, it turns out, trained on men. Heterosexual men, to be more specific. In our current times, it’s perfectly acceptable for corporations like Gillette to release a virtue-signaling commercial attacking the notion of masculinity itself. After losing eight billion in sales, the corporate giant immediately changed its tune, but wouldn’t offer an apology for attempting to play the progressive card in its advertising.³ While Gillette’s correction is welcome, its initial effort to engage in such brazen advertising propaganda is, without doubt, a sign of the times. But these organizations, as powerful as they are, do not serve as the locus of the madness. That blame lies in the influences of the sexual revolution and the noxious brand of feminism that followed. Cynical activist drives, commercial pandering, and cautious corporate policies, in a bid to gain an economic edge through virtue signaling and “wokeness,” are increasingly female-focused, gay-centric, and gender fluid, putting us in a strange sort of corporatized sociosexual vice of political correctness.

But the results of the revolution that started in the sixties are not solely confined to defeating the largely imaginary enemy of patriarchy and glorifying the female sex as a sacred victim: the drive behind the revolution was also an effort to remove the differential of sex itself and replace it with a weaponized conception of gender ideology, a belief system asserting sex is merely a social construct. The concept of gender, or the modern slant on it today that we’re now saddled with, teaches that every individual has a gender identity in the brain that may not be the same as that person’s biological sex. This reasoning leads to the notion that gender identity is “more real” than the biological reality of someone’s sex, despite the absence of anything remotely scientific in support of this. In a timely display of lucid and plain-spoken confession, political and cultural historian, author, and reformed “gender historian” Christopher Dummitt wrote an article on Quillette, an online magazine, in which he admits his findings while researching social constructionism, especially in the subject of the reality of biological sex, were baseless, albeit catchy.⁴ “I insisted that there was no such thing as sex,” he writes. “There’s nothing so certain as a graduate student armed with precious little life experience and a big idea. And now my big idea is everywhere. It shows up especially in the talking points about trans rights, and policy regarding trans athletes in sports. It is being written into laws that essentially threaten repercussions for anyone who suggests that sex might be a biological reality. Such a statement, for many activists, is tantamount to hate speech.”

In closing his article, Dummitt provides a parting warning about the field of sex vs. gender: “My own flawed reasoning was never called out—and, in fact, only became more ideologically inflected through the process of peer review. Until we have seriously critical and ideologically divergent scholarship on sex and gender—until peer review can be something more than a form of ideological in-group screening—then we ought to be very skeptical indeed about much of what counts as ‘expertise’ on the social construction of sex and gender.”

That confession is all well and good now, but as Dummitt points out, the damage is already done, and adherents of the idea won’t go down easily. The assault on heterosexuality today and anything smacking of traditional norms is clear, present, and at times hyper aggressive. LGBT activism, co-opted by the junk science of the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (Wpath) has infiltrated peer-reviewed research to question the very reality of sex itself,⁵ something that cozily plays into the hands of modern feminist goals attempting to discredit accepted differences between men and women.

The fallout and continued damage from this warped pseudoscience is of particular concern to parents today, or should be, as the focus has turned to politicizing children and their “gender markers.” Today we are clearly manufacturing transgender children, given the viral spread of these concepts in media and online. Young boys and girls with “gender dysphoria” are encouraged to explore hormone therapy at alarmingly early ages. In June 2017, the Williams Institute at the UCLA School of Law estimated about 150,000 teens, from age thirteen to seventeen, identified as “trans.”⁶  In sync with these statistics, there is a concomitant rise of children and teens seeking hormone therapies and reassignment surgeries.⁷

We assume we’re living post-sexual-revolution, but that’s a precarious miscalculation to make. What we’re seeing instead is its ongoing evolution, if not outright mutation, long after it has overstayed its welcome—a dubious second phase, perhaps unintended, set in motion by those who simply wished to free us from the confines of rigid scriptures and strict adherence to the nuclear family regime. The effort to loosen us from those influences had some merit, but from where I stand, the pendulum has swung much too far in the direction of something closely resembling insanity, foolishly attempting to rewire notions of gender roles and denying the very existence of sex itself. In lockstep with feminism, a movement that lurches toward greater psychopathy in attempting to justify its own continued existence, I see this ongoing revolution, cynically commercialized and politicized, as a poison visited upon our girls today by the deeply entrenched extreme political left. It seems to me that as parents or guardians of young girls we must come to recognize these noxious influences and counter them in thoughtful and decisive ways, lest we lose our children to the delusions, misconceptions, propaganda, and willful fabrications of social engineering and its dubious designs.

To recap, I have observed three troubling developments in modern society thus far:

First, Western civilization has normalized sexual hedonism to such a degree that it has acquired a corruptive effect. Across a large sample of countries, the socioeconomic liberation of women is positively correlated with higher availability of sex.⁸ Traditionally, females represent the suppliers in the economics of sex and men constitute the demand. When supply outnumbers demand, female sexual market value goes down. Feminist and social constructionism, based in the field of political science, has pushed the agenda of a fast and lose “sex-positive feminism” for decades since its coinage by Ellen Willis,⁹ wherein girls are encouraged to openly embrace their sexualities, support licentiousness and prostitution, and engage in activist rallies, such as “slut walks.” We have seen its effects, particularly in young adult girls who have become more sexually mercantile than any other generation preceding them. Meanwhile, the rise of strenuous focus on career goals for young females, university tuition costs, and the scourge of homelessness among college students has pressed young females into the quasi-prostitution of “sugaring,” selling sex for financial support and thus increasing female sexual supply without the premise of intimacy. Beyond this, extremely liberal attitudes about sex and an arguably unhealthy focus on materialism and self have led to a rise in narcissism in both sexes. Millennials, for instance, have been described as the “me, me, me generation.”¹⁰ So while sexuality is more liberated than ever before in history, the current attitudes and entitlements of reproductive-age females doesn’t bode well for men seeking more traditional women as mates.

Second, the sex revolution has obscured the scientific understanding of sex through gender deconstruction. The revolution of sex in the 1960s brought about a watershed of sexual expressions, freedoms, and ideas—not all of them wholesome. The gender constructionist theorists arose as the worst byproduct of the revolution. They claimed (and still claim, adamantly) that binary of sex was little more than a societal coincidence, if not a conspiracy fantasy of a malignant patriarchy. Many in Western society today have blindly accepted what would have been laughed away just a few generations ago: that gender norms are socially constructed and can be adopted by any individual through choice. This concept found its origins in the radical feminist intellectualism of Simone de Beauvoir in the 1950s, and has been embraced by left-leaning ideologues ever since.¹¹

With deeper entrenchment into the university thought complex, and further penetration into the social and psychological sciences, this extremely flawed, unscientific, and ideologically manufactured idea has gained far too much traction, not only among the general populace, but in such institutions as the American Psychological Association.¹² The garish effort to promote it persists against all reason, amplifying the sexual revolution’s darker side by undermining the scientific foundation of male and female. This is the ultimate extension of feminist goals for the new religion of equality. For if sex is accepted as malleable, human nature will be considered infinitely so, and this will serve as justification for endless attempts to reshape and reprogram us.

Third, a pall of rigid feminist political correctness has been cast over all of society. That feminist ideology is an immense cultural pathogen influencing Western art, entertainment, education, business, and statesmanship is obvious at this point in time to all but the most blinkered by its apologia. Consumer capitalism has been opportunistically co-opted to make feminism slick and attractive, thus spreading its viral influence. Universities serve as finishing schools for young students who started with childhood indoctrination through entertainment programming. An increasing agitation for women’s “empowerment” can easily be seen in politics today—a mirror held to the masses, reflecting what they’ve been indoctrinated to politely applause. The excessive focus on female emancipation from wifely duties and traditional femininity, affirmative action in education and businesses, and the strange obsession with coddling female egos under the presumption that misogynist forces in society strive to oppress women, has resulted in a significantly polarized culture between the sexes that can no longer be dismissed as imaginary. In this divisive rage manufacturing, our daughters are cynically recruited and absorbed by the feminist monolith, infecting them with the hubris, outrage, anger, and defiance of its ceaseless victim narrative. Feminism is not about making females happy about themselves so much as it is about sowing discontent and distrust in them toward males, conditioning girls to be proud, capable exemplars while simultaneously perpetuating their narrative of victimhood. This is, clearly, confusing and damaging our girls. It puts inside them the glowing red-hot ember of rage and unrest, when they could instead be inspired to become calm and beautiful beings of life and love, embracing grace, art, sensuality, aesthetic, and true feminine power: the mystery of the maternal and the ability to follow one’s muse…or to be the muse of another.

While our surrounding culture may glorify the above trends, that is not to say we should accept them into our value systems or allow them to influence our family lives. If we truly believe in and embrace a way of life that puts men back in control of their women and the family, if we believe that the archetype of femininity is not a mere accident of civilization or biology, for that matter, we should reject these influences out of hand and as wholly as possible while still being productive members of the civilizations to which we belong. I’m not advocating a return to old and outdated orthodoxies or golden ages that, upon rigorous examination, never really were. I am taking, I hope, pieces of wisdom from the past and advocating their application to the present, for the notion our ancestors got everything wrong about the sexes is the height of modern vanity, and one that has churned out a reprehensible coterie of thought leaders entrenched in our universities, halls of state, and celebrity subculture. I think there are many things we could learn from studying the traditional ways of the sexes—the world before so-called sex revolutions, smarmy commercial pandering, and the gentle, gradual brainwashing of social networks. Having thought of these things and having seen the carnage in the wake of modern living and its politics, and further still having observed and participated in child rearing that is sane, I have a few suggestions for others on how to raise young girls well, with their mental health most importantly in mind. The outside messages of surrounding popular culture, left unchecked and unfiltered in this age, bring with them energies of confusion and corruption for our youth. Of this I am certain. But it also seems clear that we’re stuck between the proverbial rock and hard place: we cannot retreat back into a romanticized golden age of the fifties, and yet the sex politics of modern life are psychopathic, out of touch, and quite unsustainable. We must rebuild family life by keeping the war of the sexes squarely out of it. We must focus upon our children by truly instilling in them what values we find most laudable, not let society shape them for us. In particular, the development of our girls is of vast importance, as they are the future gatekeepers of sex and the mothers of generations yet to come.

 

The Proposed Solution

Of theoretical remedies to this increasing unease many of us feel, the main one is this: we must, where we can, see male and female return to understanding simple and intuitive concepts of femininity and masculinity. Of girls, specifically, I would suggest seeing them raised to become sweet, polite, and empathic young ladies, not moving through the world with the common sickness of vanity and hubris that inevitably results in a focus on “empowerment,” but with the grace and true humility that has classically marked the female sex. If this can be accomplished, all the while holding on to the good of sexual openness and a true embrace of our modern liberties to live and behave as we wish and not as the state would have us, we will accomplish as near a perfect harmony between the sexes as possible. I believe deeply that if you let human beings be what they are, they will remain so, no social engineering required. In the very least, we must stop at some point and seriously ask ourselves if we should continue to let this cultural landslide maintain its course, or, instead, take back the future of our children and shield them from the noxious influences of the current establishment. The situation is growing ever more dire, it seems to me, and we must take bold actions to correct the course of the feminine, and by association, the masculine, before it’s too late for our own daughters. Below are my suggestions for deflecting the corrupt influences of feminist culture and putting the power back into our hands as parents.

 

Unplug Your Child from the Internet, or She’ll Unplug from You

Today we see a peculiar phenomenon: everyone seems obsessed with portable rectangular slabs of various sizes. They stare into their glowing screens, detached, at least partially, from the reality around them. By now, it’s quite clear that mobile device use is connected to a host of problems, such as stunted/dissociative social behavior, relationship conflict, car accidents, sleep loss, depression, lack of empathy, and an overall knack for missing the obvious in the physical world (like that imminent collision with a lamp post on the street as you check Twitter notifications).

But there’s a much more vital concern about excessive device use today: the healthy physiological and psychological development of children’s brains. The research today concerning the effects of device use on children is still not settled, but there is an emerging sense that the use of these devices isn’t always so good, especially their unmitigated use. Common Sense Media found that 72 percent of teens feel as though they need to immediately respond to notifications from their phone, and that 50 percent of teens feel addicted to their phones. 59 percent of parents felt their teens were addicted to mobile devices. A 2017 study found that higher “new media” consumption led to increased symptoms of depression and suicide. Jonathan Haidt, co-author of The Coddling of the American Mind, correlates the staggering rise of depression in “Generation Z” to the popular use of social media in 2011. Indeed, a study in the journal Pediatrics found a larger increase in depressive symptoms in girls than boys in more recent years, including trends in suicide in the United States. According to the study, cyber bullying may increase more dramatically among girls than boys. The reasoning makes sense: adolescent girls use mobile phones with texting applications more frequently and intensively than adolescent boys. Problematic mobile phone use among young people has been linked to depressed mood, in the very least.¹³ Combined with the indirect social violence that females tend to be so naturally gifted for (spreading rumors, gossip, and whisper campaigns), the effect can be fatal.

I know it’s easy to dismiss concerns about youth as what’s always typical when the older consider the younger. “The problem with kids these days,” goes the timeless lament. But certainly, something new and never seen before is afoot today. How older children and teenagers spend their time today is quite different from how they did decades ago in previous generations. At least, that’s what Jeane M. Twenge in The Atlantic concluded after her 25-year study of differences in the United States between generations. “Around 2012, I noticed abrupt shifts in teen behaviors and emotional states. The gentle slopes of the line graphs became steep mountains and sheer cliffs, and many of the distinctive characteristics of the Millennial generation began to disappear. In all my analyses of generational data—some reaching back to the 1930s—I had never seen anything like it,”she writes. “It’s not an exaggeration to describe iGen as being on the brink of the worst mental-health crisis in decades. Much of this deterioration can be traced to their phones,” Twenge later adds.

I realize that there have been recent studies refuting the ill effects of phone usage, declaring that we’re all just imagining this problem, but they should be held under extreme suspicion. I don’t think that phone technology alone is the only cause, but it is a part of the problem, and it does, as shown above, at least facilitate other negative influences. With everything taken into account, young children and young teens, it seems to me, shouldn’t be allowed to use these devices without strict adult supervision. With their close links to addiction, depression, and suicide cited by scientific studies alone, the mass focus upon phones and tablets, and the Internet culture, overall, is clearly a negative influence. Empirically, the evidence is even more obvious. Simple observation of people around you usually does well enough to point out the problem. It seems to me that, at some point, we really need to come clean and ask ourselves some difficult questions. Do we want our children addicted to these devices and the influences therein? Do we really want to invite the chance of social violence from public shaming and other misuses of publishing power levied upon our young girls? Do we want our own girls engaging in this cruelty, to boot? These devices are not only troublesome, but clearly robbing us of our natural human empathy.¹⁴ Aside from the empathy aspect, what these devices teach and what information is made available through them isn’t always so wonderful. Therein lies another general concern: past the statistics about depression, anti-social behavior, and suicide, there is the matter of the direct conduit formed between smarmy corporate media and your little girl’s brain. Do we want Taylor Swift’s shallow values taking precedent over the ones we’d rather instill as parents? Do we want our girls at a very young age to believe they have “gender dysphoria” because they’ve been learning about it on Youtube channels? Do we want our girls being programmed by feminist propaganda in countless videos and commercials, priming them for the leftist finishing school that is modern western university? Do we want our girls aspiring to be “insta hotties,” just like one of their peers, or do we want them obtaining their inspiration from their natural parents and the examples they set? These are things to contemplate deeply, considering the influence of the Internet.

Call the idea extreme, but having personally seen the effects of these devices on young minds, and the silent steamroller that social media can be in their lives, I believe children should be kept away from the regular use of phones and tablets until their mid-teens, when they have had time to develop their abilities to put the things they see and hear into realistic perspective, and to contrast outside messages against the things they’ve been taught and shown by their parents. Not doing so invites a massive conflict in rearing your children and extreme difficulty in teaching them the values you hold that don’t perfectly match the current accepted norms, that, increasingly, are anything but normal. Removing digital devices from your child’s life removes a massive conduit of troublesome influence, from political brainwashing to feminist-friendly corporate pandering, putting the power of instilling formative values and core world views back into your hands as a parent, where such influences really belong.

It bears mentioning, too, that device use is not a problem relegated only to the child’s end. Parents can be addicted and negligently distracted from interacting effectively with their kids, too, so take the time to unplug yourself and not be such a glaring hypocrite. Children need the attention of their parents, and adult addiction to technology can lead to a subtle, yet damaging, form of psychological neglect.¹⁵

 

Initiate a Full Retreat from Public Education

Keeping phones and other devices from the possession of your children is a big (and needed) step toward controlling the flow of influences and resultant behaviors in the home, but a great degree of the problem lies beyond the home and your capacity to monitor: school and the one-two punch of faculty-peer influence contained therein. Society at large adheres to a host of rigidly progressive dogmas about sex, widely embraced and enforced, along with the usual mission creep of progressive thought control. The contrasts between these modern directives and how we live/what we believe in the Humbled Females community becomes all the more obvious when the two worlds collide, and nowhere does that collision become more potentially apparent than when we send our children off to a public school, rife with leftist ideologues fresh out of university.

Public schools are institutions that enforce common mores, thinking, and values. Children in the surrounding area are dutifully dropped into this massive social blender and orientation processing center, where they mingle with peers and establish themselves as units of a social collective. In this collective, standards and norms are constantly reinforced, with the mandated sentiments children should hold regarding sex and the politics of the sexes chief among them. That collective spell is no trivial matter. Increasingly, public education is operated from and policed by a strong progressive authoritarianism, and one quite at odds with what people in our community who have much more traditional notions about sex roles, female submission, and male dominance have in mind. Teaching our young girls about classic femininity and inspiring them to exude these qualities will not find harmony with the politics of the majority, nor its public educational institutions run mostly by feminist busybodies. Indeed, the majority of workers in the helping professions, of which occupations like teaching and social work are a part, are female¹⁶ and elementary teachers, in particular, are overwhelmingly left-leaning.¹⁷ With such an imbalance between the sexes in these occupations, there is bound to be higher influences of feminist pedagogy, and there is. But it doesn’t end with feminist brainwashing, solely. Consider, also, that transgenderism is being introduced to children in elementary schools, supporting the narrative of “gender fluidity” in the very young.^{18 19}

As parents, guardians, relatives, and influencers, I think we need to take a very close and sober look at the public education establishment, and ask ourselves the following questions: Should children be encouraged to view the world through the feminist lens at early developmental ages, embracing its paranoid, conspiratorial, and misandrist slant on men and the destructive religion of self-aggrandizement it encourages in women and girls? Do you think that training children to use transgendered pronouns and believe in gender fluidity is mentally healthy or even logically tenable? If you answer no to both of these questions, then you have to concede that removing children from the public school system is necessary. By doing so, we nip the problem of childhood conformity to these memetic pathogens at the bud.

Competently teaching children in a home environment sets a consistent tone in the early years of their lives, reinforcing, also, the authority of the parent over the authority of the public institution, something that is, in and of itself, a vital lesson to teach. There’s a lot to unpack on that subject alone, but it’s suffice to say, I think, that conformity and obedience to institutions and monolithic thinking is not something we should prime our children so readily for. If they are indeed our children, let them be our children, not children of public education, children of their peers, children of the Internet, and all the other precarious virtual asylums of the world. There will come a time in the lives of our young ones when they will be free of our direct influence and authority, but for their formative years—years that are so very vital and precious—our desire as parents should be to teach them what we know to be true against the maelstrom of discordant and fiercely corruptive voices in society. We can teach them not only what to think, according to what we know accords with reality, but also how to think. We lead by example and create an environment where the lessons of life touch them organically. A gyro-scoping globe in a home can inform them about all the names of the land masses and countries in our world. Ink and paper can teach the increasingly lost art of how to write letters and figure numbers manually. But alongside this seamlessly turns the cycles of life in the security and comfort of home—where something indescribable is taught by listening to the rain meditatively in an open door, taking walks in the woods and marveling at the life found there, observing the shift of seasons, or learning the art of baking in between reading. In the home, we may parent the whole child, never subjecting her to the trends of organized thought control and the capricious abuse of childhood bullies and cliques. Put plainly, personalized learning is a tremendously powerful method of education and instruction.

While we may teach English, history, math and science competently enough with enough effort, what can be learned is by no means limited to these subjects alone. In the home, a child has the options to explore what interests them the most and learn about subjects not formally offered in public schools. A child may develop a special fondness for chemistry or some permutation of art or engineering that no public school will ever have the capacity to entertain. It is here where the Internet may be used effectively in a controlled fashion, allowing technology to enrich lessons and provide information that will be needed for higher learning. Lastly, the child is molded in the way we’d prefer, inheriting our beliefs and world views. This allows parent and child a continued bond, and lessens the chaotic disruptions of this bond in their teenage years.

 

Dethroning Daddy’s Little Princess

At Humbled Females, we sometimes talk at length about the entitlements and double standards women in modern society seem to adopt thoughtlessly and that people around them seem to accept with equal thoughtlessness. This conversation isn’t relegated to our community walls, however. At gatherings, parties, and cookouts, men will often gather and discuss the imperial petulance of their wives in a humorous way. Most of us have heard such conversations in progress at least once during a social event. Such men might even admit to being treated like little boys by their mates, of getting “in trouble” or being in the “doghouse” when they run afoul of their wives’ demands. This type of self-deprecating humor is commonly accepted, perhaps, out of the popular if not mistaken belief that this is how it really is for all men. When women overhear this sort of thing, there is often a sense of smug amusement. Social norms can often be startling to realize, especially in contrast to the ways of life we, in this community, tend to lead or at least idealize. But a quiet common horror is often sensed by the men who make jokes of themselves in this way. In private conversation, they are often upset with the double standards, the complaining, and the manipulation of their wives or significant others, and yet fail to see how the constant spoiling and obsequious treatment of their own daughters supports an ongoing legacy of these very problems.

The peculiar phenomenon I’ve observed for some time now is that it is fathers who are often to blame for the petulant behaviors of young girls. The same men who complain about their controlling wives can be seen coddling their daughters and running to attend every one of their needs, no matter how trivial or how snappish the demand. This inevitably becomes a developmental pathway through which the young female relates to males: she sees her doting father as a template for mate material in her later years. Is it any wonder, then, that with so many servile daddies in the world today we have seen a rise in egotistical, controlling, petulant, and manipulative females in the mating arena? Neither their education at university nor their professional accomplishments later in life seem to preclude their arrogantly neotenous dispositions, and the surrounding culture does absolutely nothing to correct them on this path of ugly selfishness. If anything, it encourages it, telling them they don’t even need men. The men who have the misfortune of entering these women’s lives in their twenties and thirties become embroiled in the solipsistic sexual politics of the female sex: they have no choice but to extend the coddling, lest they lose their “princesses” to more servile males. If we want to know the source of female entitlement, we’re certainly well served in looking at the social rot of cultural politics today, but we also don’t often need to look any further than the proud patriarch of the family, who is wrapped around his princess’s little finger.

As a father, it’s important to understand that your little girl is indeed seeing you as an example of an ideal man. You are her first sampling of adult maleness, and it’s crucial young females perceive their fathers and interact with them in ways that are respectful, loving, humble, and psychologically healthy. Seeing to this does not mean a father needs to be cruel or detached. Quite the opposite: little girls need the refuge of the masculine, and fathers are given to providing that refuge, especially for their female children. There is a special bond shared between father and daughter, but that bond can be used in a good or a harmful way. As fathers, the aim is to love but not coddle, to inspire but not spoil, to support but not shelter. Daughters need to know the bright lines of discipline as well as love. They need to know how to respect people, and especially the good in the authority of a man. In so learning, they will naturally respect the authority of the men they one day mate with. Any deviation from this is a step away from the femininity we idealize and a denial of the simple fact that women naturally prefer men they can respect and look up to—that this is part of what it means to be female and feminine. If you damage your daughter’s ability to respect men, you are, in a very tangible way, abusing her by robbing her of better futures and fulfillment in herself as a woman later on in life. So do put away the tiara, please. Let her bump up against the limits you set. Discipline her when she transgresses. Make her a little afraid of displeasing you. Teach her how to respect nature, respect her place in it, and above all, respect others. Teach her how to empathize in this day and age where youth seems to be loosing this ability. Be firm, and show her how to be a better young lady from your valuable perspective as her father. These lessons, deeply embedded, will last for a very long time—long enough to guide her into a much more productive and fulfilling adulthood.

 

On the Prurient Sugar Coating of Modern Teenhood

The very first suggestion made in this article was to unplug your little girl from the influences of the Internet. I do hope you take that suggestion seriously. Maybe you have every intention of doing so, or are at least exploring the idea. Certainly, if such exposure has already begun, rolling it back will require gradual steps and a good plan. But what if you are a little late to the task, and at this stage in your girl’s life she is fast approaching her teen years, or is already in them while having enjoyed a close relationship with mainstream media and the Internet? What if, like many parents this day and age, you just allowed unmitigated Internet consumption pour into your girl’s brain day after day, year after year, with hardly any interruption? You may be, at this point in the game, completely unaware of the influences your girl regularly interfaces with, and all the myriad steps she took to get to that place over the years of her wandering youth. You might not understand how graphically she was exposed to pornography, for instance, and how inevitable her desensitization to prurient material online became. Probing deep into the hedonistic culture of vain and hyper-sexualized woman worship seen in social media, music, books, ads, and movies, your daughter, once innocent, became another statistic of a pernicious mill, where girls learn, all too early, their sensual market value and perceived power. Granted, this process also happens in school, where girls begin to learn the sway they have over boys with their looks, but the neon party of the Internet is something new. It has a way of turning girls exceptionally jaded and mercenary, encouraging them to use their looks and sexuality to appeal to male interest and obtain a great sense of worth and power from this. This is easy to do, if you’re pretty. We see this in comparing the popularity of online divas to brilliant thought leaders and other talented personalities who only manage to earn a fraction of the women’s follower counts.

This isn’t a secret: countless girls are cashing in on their sex appeal online, as it is a very tempting form of currency. It gets them attention, earns them money or clout, and feeds their egos. Their posturing and posing in increasingly suggestive pictures shared on Instagram, for instance, may seem relatively juvenile and ultimately harmless for girls in this day and age, but it’s a mistake to take it so lightly: such places easily serve as gateways to other forms of exhibitionist behavior online. The Internet, as it were, is replete with numerous reservoirs by which a modern form of virtual prostitution thrives, much to the chagrin of traditional pornographers, escort agencies, and strip clubs. Places like “Chaturbate” allow freshly legal teens to casually lay about nude before a live audience and profit from doing so. All that’s needed is a web cam, Internet service, and a room in which to pose. A personal gallery and blog site, “Onlyfans” offers a slick venue by which girls can learn to publish themselves and acquire a sycophantic army of admirers. “iWantClips” and other sites like it allow movies and other media to be uploaded and sold, and even paid calls to be made from interested fans who wish to speak to the objects of their desires. None of these sites are hard to come by. It’s extremely easy to build profiles on these networks and begin partaking in the online sex trade.

But it doesn’t stop at the virtual. A new wave of sex worker has been generated from the glitzy, hyper-sexualized world of the Internet: the modern “sugar baby.” Ashley, 23, an interviewee in Nancy Jo Sales‘s article in Vanity Fair about the “new prostitution economy” goes on to moralize quite casually about the ubiquity of “sugaring” among young females: “Almost all of my friends do some sort of sex work,” she says. “It’s super-common. It’s almost trendy to say you do it—or that you would.” Jenna, 22, adds, “It’s not like you need a pimp anymore. You just need a computer.”

It is trendy and easy. The site “SeekingArrangement” (now shortened to “Seeking,” ever since the chilling effects of Backpage being removed) boasts 10 million members and spans more than 139 countries. There are dozens of slick sites like these that make whoring culturally acceptable and temptingly lucrative, and with the rise of outrageous student debt, more girls are pushed into this lifestyle out of necessity than trend alone.

I could go on for pages describing this affliction, but I’m certain I needn’t go into how toxic and corrupting these influences are in modern culture for young girls. And make no mistake about it, this is a pressing and far-reaching cultural phenomenon, the likes of which we’ve never quite seen before in this grand social experiment of ours. The numerous and accessible forms of prostitution may seem like blessings within the vacuous rhetoric of “sex-positive feminism,” but the reality is they are rendering our girls sexually jaded, narcissistic, and coldly mercenary, if not impossible to properly pair bond with. They learn at very early ages, long before they are allowed to engage in such commerce legally, that spinning false intimacies using their sex appeal is profitable and empowering. Where prostitution was once relegated (perhaps appropriately) to the shadows, now it has gone mainstream, turning our girls into vainglorious sex workers who sneer contemptibly at men and attempt to bilk them for all they’ve got. I contend that any parent who cares about his or her daughter should keep an extremely close eye on this trend in society and the ways it infects young adult minds. It’s in the quiet pools left between the spaces of life, wrought by parental absence and disconnect, where these diseases tend to take root and flourish the most. Girls left unwatched and uncared for will seek out attention online, and it is here the disease begins its course. Nip this problem at the bud by removing your girl’s need to find attention and support from other sources. Keep her close to you. Listen to her. Help her navigate the world compassionately and with good counsel, and keep a sharp eye on any Internet usage you allow her.

 

Better Examples, Better Girls

In this lopsided modern age where the worship of girl power has become so culturally pervasive, little girls (and boys, for that matter) have, increasingly, nothing to model that is counter to its malignant influence. The older generations that contain so much wisdom, experience, and grit from lives lived in another time are quickly going away, leaving in their absence a growing dearth of role models and sources of elder advice. Today, there is nothing to suggest that something more to male-female interactions exists beyond the mandate that a bland and polite sameness exists. After all, gender is nothing more than a social construct, they say. This is stifling to true human nature. As we have been well aware of in this community for some time, and researchers are just now beginning to discover to be the case in places like Scandinavia, allowing men and women to behave naturally results in natural differences in behavior. Where the greatest social equality between male and female has been achieved, we see this clearly demonstrated in that, contrary to popular expectations, men and women do not seek out the same goals, but instead show greater behavioral variance, as is typical according to their sex.²⁰ When complete equality between male and female is achieved, the result is something completely contradictory to what gender reconstructionists assume would happen: males and females gravitate toward gender-typical behavior more. In places where you allow the sexes choice, they naturally assume their male and female roles and interests.

All of this makes something quite clear: many of the differences in male and female gender behaviors are not constructed, but are, instead, genotypical to a large degree. When we allow males to be males and females to be females, sans sociopolitical pressure and media brainwashing, they choose sex-typical behaviors quite naturally. With this in mind, it seems clear to me that we should make certain the choice to be naturally feminine is at least made available to girls. They are, after all, inclined to follow that path of interest to begin with. By further encouraging it, we may steer them toward their natural interests and behaviors. We begin by modeling an ideal male-female dyad in the home through the living example of her parents. Let her see her mother openly submitting to her father, and let them not be subtle about it. This is not to say you must expose the child to explicit sexual scenery, of course, but that she see and understand the core differences between male and female in the home by way of the female parent deferring to the male parent. Respectfully. Lovingly. Let her see the close bond her parents share by enacting male dominance and female submission. Let her see the harmony and order it brings into the home, of how it resolves conflict and eliminates open argument. Let her see her mother being held accountable to her father when she fails or disobeys. Let her see and understand the good flow of things resulting from this order, where she, like her mother, submits to her father’s leadership and loving guidance. This leads to harmony in the home. Masculinity is not injured when dominant, and femininity is not injured when submissive. We cannot say the same when we reverse the roles.

The world we weave must be beautiful and pleasant. It must demonstrate peace and order, contrasting starkly against the turmoil of the outside world and the social malaise to which many families fall prey. The mother is vital in demonstrating this formative lesson, not only in serving as a healthy example of female submission to a man, but in gently and consistently guiding the daughter toward the arts and energies of the feminine. Teaching her how to dress feminine, how to comport herself with humility and respect toward others, and how to behave properly in the presence of her father is crucial in laying this foundation. Teach her by showing her, daily, the secrets of cooking and baking, of attending to bedding, laundry, sweeping, dusting, and other domestic responsibilities. Chores are, in fact, a very effective way of teaching responsibility. Make these moments special between mother and daughter. Let them be happy, rewarding times, not drab tasks that are tended to on resentful autopilot. Let her see and embrace the ordinary beauty in being wholesomely female, and part of a larger collective in her family.

 

The Importance of Place: Country Living is Best

There is nothing more important in life than where we find ourselves calling home, day after day. If this is true of adults, how much more so it is for the young? Where we live is a big part of how we ascend from childhood; it is integral to the spirit forged inside us as living beings. It seems to me that we are destined to arrive upon this fact while in deep reflection of what spirit we seek to infuse in our children as they grow up. With the current day sexual-political tensions as they tend to be, the parental dyad featuring a functioning (and thriving) heterosexual dominant male/submissive female relationship in Western society seems almost scandalous, even feral. The more tight-knit the community you live in tends to be, the more passively policed your activities become. Celebrated norms replicate themselves from one generation to the next, and the closer you live near large, conventional communities, the closer you are to their influences that dull and wear down the gentle call of nature. The garish neon distractions creep in.

Cities, as conveniently dense and connected as they may be, stand as the worst of these examples. They don’t easily offer an environment in which an appropriate level of isolation and focus can be fostered so as to enable young minds to learn and grow, free of malignant social pressures. The bustle and noise of urban life breeds, inevitably, urban culture. Urban life, celebrated as a large and dynamic repository of modern culture, provides far too many glossy inlets of subversive influence, often of the left-leaning variety, extolling influences we may put under the header of “non-tradditional values.” What we must contend with in such places is the ever-present social contagion of the in-vogue and its dubious messengers, potentially warping our childrens’ value systems through the seemingly benign vehicle of “culture,” as well as the stress and anxiety cities impose. Indeed, research has emerged linking urban living and urban upbringing with neural social stress in humans, showing mood and anxiety disorders are more prevalent in city dwellers.²¹

Suburbia is an improvement over the city, but its dense population and clustered sprawl of housing still structurally enforces the schedule of tight social norms through close proximity. These highly interconnected home communities provide a variety of family cultures and belief systems to which your children will be more intimately exposed. This diversity isn’t necessarily bad, but it may be very difficult to regulate the peers your children encounter, the family models they experience, and the resultant influences that fall upon them. These risks can be mitigated with careful observance of who your children associate with and what effects their new peers bring, but the effort will be intense and ongoing, and compromises in the strictness of your rules may need to be made. It will be difficult to insist on a life free of media and the Internet, for instance, if your child’s surrounding peers are fully integrated with such influences and apply social tension to join in. Those who don’t will likely be ostracized, obviously, and so a happy medium will likely need to be found, striking a balance between the two worlds.

The country offers the most ideal environment in which to raise your child. It provides a natural, peaceful setting, free of the stresses of modern urban life. This helps to make your child calmer, more focused, and lowers his or her risk of having anxiety disorders.²² Under the rocking canopy of trees or in the undulating meadow, amidst the melodies of bird songs and the weather, your child connects to nature, within and without. With your home nestled in a few acres of plush country real estate, there are less intrusions and far less nosy neighbors apt to intrude upon your life simply by glancing out a window. The peace, quiet, and privacy of the deeper country allows for a more lax way of living and a path to unconventional circumstances, far different from the social policing of tight-knit communities.

There are other, less obvious benefits of living in the country as well. Its rugged environment inevitably teaches self-reliance and a work ethic. Resourcefulness also comes to mind: nothing can be taken for granted when living in open, empty country, in which you must rely a little more upon determination and grit to get something done. You’re not conditioned to blithely over-consume and make an unnecessary waste of things.  You become intimately aware of your place in the world, the space you take up, and the clean air you’re breathing. You become “green” long before you’re aware of what the word even means, and quite naturally so. With the turning of the seasons, you are more connected to the earth. Who would not want these lessons passed down to their children?

 

On Maintaining a United Front

The most pernicious flaw in raising a child, aside from outright absence and neglect, surely has to be any undermining subterfuge between parents. When one parent secretly subverts the other’s image, authority, goals, or interests with the child, this leads to extremely damaging interpersonal issues between parents and children, and in even more extreme cases, alienation. In the relationships we idealize on Humbled Females, the chances of this being willfully done over a period of time are extremely low, but that’s not to say subtle cues and gestures can’t be sent unknowingly to children. Even in established dyads presumed to be happy, where both parents are, in their minds, united in fostering positive relationships between themselves and their children, they may still yet engage in behaviors that lead their children to feel they must pick sides and form alliances with one parent over the other. When this happens, the health of the relationship between the child and her parents degrades, and the influence of the parental pair is weakened. Doubt creeps into the child’s mind about her mother and father, and this is extremely erosive to the idea they are or should be legitimate authorities in her eyes. If mom and dad can’t reach consistent consensus, how can I fully trust what they say? That’s certainly not where we want to be as parents.

So what might be an example of transgressing against the rule of keeping a united front? It might come in the form or one parent overriding another. For instance, Julie really wants to have a candy bar from the pantry before dinner, but her father, upon stepping out the door, tells her she can have it afterward for desert. Julie shrugs and agrees. Several minutes later, she finds her mother and asks the same question, hoping to get a different response. The mother, unaware her daughter already asked the same question of her father, gives in and lets her eat a candy bar from the pantry. In this scenario, there was no ill intent from any of the parents toward each other, simply a lack of information that Julie knowingly exploited to her advantage. The lesson learned for Julie is that she can override one parent through the other.

We could imagine something much more intentional, too, like a mother openly questioning the child’s father in front of her, or insinuating there’s something wrong with the way he thinks. This creates an intentional imbalance in the relationship, where the daughter, in this example, is bonding with the mother through the act of resisting the father. As soon as either parent begins this sort of behavior, it’s never good for the child caught in the middle.

What do both examples of parental disharmony teach, overall? The answer seems to be nothing more than lying, manipulation, and mistrust—not good formative lessons to teach a child, wittingly or unwittingly. So what are some ways you can ensure you both of you will remain united under one common mission statement? I’ve listed a few below.

Be on the same page. It can’t be stressed enough that the man and woman must align fully in their respective beliefs, philosophies, and visions, or as fully as humanly possible. As we know within the Humbled Females community, this is much more likely if the couple has bonded through the dominant male/submissive female paradigm and the psychological processes that bring such minds together. But even here there can be exceptions some females attempt to place on that meeting of the minds—little islands of individualism they claim for themselves that prevent complete unity with the male and his goals and visions, among those his ideas about rearing of children. Any unlit corner of her mind—a place where she carves out for herself little spaces in which she disagrees with her man—will likely rear its head over the sensitive nature of child rearing. She may have some residual conventional (even feminist) beliefs and will react strongly to how her daughter is treated and raised by the man in the household, and this will, in time, create resistance in the mother. And no matter how gentle such resistance or defiance may be, it is erosive to the rule of a united front, and needs to be addressed prior to the couple conceiving of a child in the first place. So make double certain you both are on the same page, so to speak, about your visions and expectations where it concerns your relationship logic, and by extension, the logic of raising a child.

Communicate often and effectively. A breakdown in communication correlates intimately with the first point above. In order to align and ally properly, you must be in frequent, effective contact with your mate/wife/husband/master/slave. Two cannot possibly come together through silence or sharing imagined skills in telepathy: There must be a true convergence of mind between the male and female, not only for the sake of the dyad, but for what the male-female dyad is ultimately intended to produce: young. The best parents are those who keep in intimate alignment, and that is only possible through good communication. But communication isn’t just about sharing words; it’s about sharing ideas, experiences, emotions, and coming closer, as a whole, in this process. What is a good wife and husband? What is a good parent? What is “good”? All of communication hinges upon us sharing the medium of words and ideas effectively. And it’s equally about listening. Not just speaking or waiting impatiently for your turn to speak. How we attach meaning to words, and how we resolve these differences between minds, is the key to human understanding and psychological harmony, of knowing the paths to be taken in life together, of having both sets of eyes, together, fixed on the same horizon of the future. Without this alliance closely maintained through good discourse and aligned understanding, it will unravel.

Incorporate male dominance without subverting the mother. The male, according to our beliefs and much of what we can borrow historically from human tradition, is the head of the household—the highest member in the familial dominance hierarchy. It is his purpose to oversee the safety and security of his family and to guide them and protect them with competent leadership. At Humbled Females, we take his role, and the role of his female, to their purest and (arguably) most natural conclusions. But the fact we believe in an overt asymmetry of power between male and female is not to say the maternal role is to be impugned or dismissed. Our beliefs are, in fact, quite the contrary: We support the role of the mother far more critically than modernity’s infatuation with male-female equality can possibly grant. We believe her focus and attention should be largely upon her children, as nature has intended. Let the mother become and be seen as an extension of the father, worthy of her own authority in the household, enacting his will for the betterment and learning of all children within it.

Combat the modern entitlements of youth that fray against parental control. Today, it seems to me that we have a tendency to worship youth a little too much in polite culture. The net effect of this trend is that, often, we place the needs and goals of our children above that of the parents. Most would shrug in agreement with that idea; it’s a widely embraced foregone conclusion, and one most are quite fine with. But the current trend gets something confused. While children are obviously important, the values of parenting have discernibly shifted from the past. Kids have become symbolic of something abstractly sacred as culture has leaned toward eulogizing maternal values. An increasingly litigious, feminist society is largely to blame for this, especially as divorces continue to skyrocket and parents fight bitterly over child custody rights with scores of lawyers and counselors. The so-called experts in the field of psychology over the past several decades are also to blame for this phenomenon: They have put far too much emphasis on feelings and safe spaces, as well as hobbling support for traditional notions of discipline. The result is the “helicopter parent”: A hyper-sheltering breed of begetter who micro-manages his or her children. Collectively, our concern for children has become subserviently solicitous and oddly indulgent. In the midst of this, children have accrued a fair amount of license to make unreasonable demands and hold brazen expectations. But parents don’t need to teach this to their kids in order for these behaviors to take hold: it’s in our culture. It’s learned directly through others, too. All your daughter needs to learn these corrupt attitudes is a close friend who is spoiled, entitled, and manipulative, infecting her with the same thinking over the course of time through observational learning. With enough toxic influence, she may attempt to manipulate her parents by playing favorites, or getting in between them to sow discord. She may, in her own subtle way, attempt taking the helm of how she is parented. As a parent today, you must work carefully in overriding that particular rot of her childhood character. Be mindful of the influences to which she is exposed, especially through social contagion. If you allow these portals of the world to get a foothold, they can (and most likely will) drive a wedge between you as parents, or between you and your child.

 

In Closing

It’s easy to go with the current program around us and assume that with a little encouragement and a lot of luck, our girls will turn out fine. The reality is that our society is creating angry, anxious, entitled, narcissistic, and less empathetic girls who are encouraged to endlessly navel gaze. The zeitgeist of the modern West, clearly, is one of shrill feminist advocacy writ large. And yet despite all the achievements for women since the sixties, our rising mass cult of female empowerment has seen depression and anxiety among women skyrocket right along with it, a product of the paradox of declining female happiness.²³ Wide gains in women’s rights haven’t really made women happier and freer, it turns out, and while some of that reality can be attributed to institutional recalcitrance, it does not explain how some surveyed women living in places with more traditional values (and less equal pay) were happier than employed women in more liberal communities.²⁴ The triad of feminism, the malignant deconstruction of sex, and a culture of hedonistic license has another phenomenon to account for, as well: the many young men in society who are receding from dating and interacting with the female sex altogether. The terms “Men Going Their Own Way” (MGTOW) or “Men’s Rights Activist” were unheard of in the revolutionary times of the 1960s. Today, there is a considerable number of the male population that is clearly put off by the religion of feminism and its obvious war against maleness. Obviously something is amiss in our world today and it’s not relegated, simply, to a few delusional outliers. The contagion has been detected in the organism of society and anti-bodies are finally being produced to combat it.

Our goals, as men who keep humbled females or as women who live as such (or aspire to), should be to gently and thoughtfully infuse a different type of anti-body into society, one that is softer and more passive. And that is the reawakening of true femininity in young girls. Under that heading are a series of female qualities we extol as virtuous: grace, true humility, empathetic intelligence, sincere respect, domesticity, submissivity, and the many crafts and disciplines of beauty. Raising our daughters with these qualities in mind will not only make them healthier and happier. The virtue they hold will spread as they touch others and ascend into the great tapestry to help create new families, keeping the flickering light of an older, wiser way of life alive until it regains some part of its former luminescence in a saner future age.

 

1.Linda K. Kerber, “The Republican Mother: Women and the Enlightenment – An American Perspective,” in Toward an Intellectual History of Women: Essays by Linda K. Kerber (Chapel Hill: University of North Carolina Press, 1997), p. 43.

2. https://www.britannica.com/event/Stonewall-riots

3. https://onenewsnow.com/business/2019/08/02/gillette-cut-by-8b-loss-after-toxic-masculinity-ad

4. https://quillette.com/2019/09/17/i-basically-just-made-it-up-confessions-of-a-social-constructionist/

5. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-019-1420-y

6. https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/research/transgender-issues/new-estimates-show-that-150000-youth-ages-13-to-17-identify-as-transgender-in-the-us/

7. https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamasurgery/fullarticle/2673384 | https://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-09-20/childhood-demand-for-biological-sex-change-surges-to-record/10240480 | https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/trans-teens-ottawa-cheo-demand-1.5026034

8. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224545.2010.481686

9. https://1980swebography.weebly.com/sex-positive-feminism-a-very-short-introduction-and-resources.html

10. https://time.com/247/millennials-the-me-me-me-generation/

11. https://www.marxists.org/reference/subject/ethics/de-beauvoir/1976/interview.htm

12. https://www.apa.org/pi/lgbt/resources/policy/gender-identity-report.pdf

13. Augner C, Hacker GW Associations between problematic mobile phone use and psychological parameters in young adults. Int J Public Health. 2012;57(2):437–441pmid:21290162

14. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/what-me-care/

15. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/317639.php

16. https://www.bls.gov/cps/cpsaat11.htm

17. http://verdantlabs.com/politics_of_professions/index.html

18. https://www.kappanonline.org/mangin-transgender-gender-identity-school-policies-gender-expansive/

19. https://thefederalist.com/2019/04/05/parent-objections-public-school-teaches-6-year-olds-transgender-ravens-gender-fluidity/

20. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/323197652_The_Gender-Equality_Paradox_in_Science_Technology_Engineering_and_Mathematics_Education

See also: https://www.nationalreview.com/2018/03/scandinavian-gender-equality-myth-us-more-female-managers/

 

21. https://www.nature.com/articles/nature10190

22. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19624573

23. http://ftp.iza.org/dp4200.pdf

24. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs00148-009-0257-4 | See: http://ftp.iza.org/dp1202.pdf

“Love is not a feeling of happiness. Love is a willingness to sacrifice.”
 —Michael Novak

And yet sacrifice, all by itself, can bring such joy….

But let’s be frank. Most women approach and begin slavery with sex, romance, and pleasure on the mind. They’ve had erotic fantasies of a rather unusual sort for many years, they’ve read specialty novels or seen certain movies that strongly affected them. Or maybe they knew someone who whipped his girlfriend for fun and thought that was the hottest thing they’d ever heard of. Maybe they experienced intense longing to be tied up and used or felt something deep within them twinge when they saw online personal ads from masters seeking slaves. It’s very common to find references to dominance and submission in social media these days, and, even if it is only a joke or a meme, it can still be deeply arousing if it strikes a deep chord in a female or awakens a longing. The horse that brings a woman to the doorway of slavery is mostly composed of an intense desire for taboo sex and dark, exhilarating romance. Before she crosses that portal into slavery, however, the slave must dismount and stable that powerful, driven creature, the drives and longings that brought her to this point. While intense sex has its place in these sorts of relationships, a new slave can’t always bring every raging personal desire and favorite private fantasy across the threshold and into her master’s abode with her. The fact is, these desires often will not fit: they are too big, too aggressive, too rough to be led into a place of calm, quiet, controlled beauty. Instead, a new slave quickly discovers that everything, including the sex, will, from now on, be done His Way. That’s not to say that there isn’t a lot of intense, erotic, dark sex in a female slave’s future, but that included with it will be many other things she may not have anticipated but that are equally important to her master: hard work, profound and instant obedience, learning to control her impulses, ego and self-love, emotional self-sacrifice, and much more.

As a slave learns about these new facets of her life under a man’s rule, she often grows to really appreciate these many aspects of discipline: the bars of the cage that hold her hostage. They become at least as important, if not more so, than torrid sexual episodes because living with this discipline makes her master very happy with her. Happiness over her master’s contentment entwined with and fueled by the knowledge of how she contributes to this is the primary source of joy in submission to a man, and, although it’s not exactly a secret or unanticipated, the mechanics of it are not always well understood.

While many of us know that deep, abiding love is often selfless and thinks primarily of the beloved, the willingness to sacrifice, that is, to preserve or promote the well-being, happiness, and expansion of another at one’s own expense, will often, paradoxically, bring to a person unsought, powerful feelings of joy and contentment. When someone gives up pursuits like increasing personal happiness at all costs, ego expansion or defense, possessing or controlling another, or obsessively chasing urges toward personal aggrandizement, they may notice, strangely enough, something much better creeping into the gaping void that leaving oneself behind creates. This “something better” is one of the secret joys of submission because it is often an unexpected and paradoxical byproduct of genuinely serving someone entirely out of a desire for his welfare and happiness. A lot of us, including myself, entered slavery thinking it was not going to be a particularly joyous state. My joy wasn’t exactly the point, His was. You can imagine my surprise when I discovered that there was still plentiful joy in my life amid all the punishments, hardships, correction, and steep learning curves.

These joys are secret only in the sense that they are unexpected: they aren’t what most people anticipate when contemplating the rigors of a life of selfless service. Many who carefully and realistically consider slavery to a man as a vocation also anticipate pain, fear, being scolded or corrected harshly, disappointing one’s master, and much worse. A realistic slave who has figured out that this isn’t entirely about her fulfilling a romantic fantasy expects self-sacrifice and ego reduction to hurt. Yes, these things do hurt a little (OK, sometimes even a lot), but if a subservient woman is able to embrace the difficult parts of her role fully and do her very best to be the type of servant the man whom she serves wants her to be, she may find her emptied cup starting, little by little, to fill with a heady, life-giving elixir of intense joy. Joy in witnessing his happiness, safety and contentment. Joy in bringing a smile to his lips. Joy in knowing those things she finds hard, boring, or unpleasant better his life and please him. Joy in acquiring all kinds of new and possibly unusual skills; in perfecting social graces far beyond where the ordinary female typically stops; in acquiring a discernment, an attention to detail, and a fine sense of timing that perfectly accompany a style of living that, maybe for the first time, is being led consciously, aware and alert.

And then there is the joy of seeing one’s own obese ego reduced to a trim, feminine size. Often it takes crashing repeatedly against the hard wall of a strong man’s will for a female who is still too full of herself to realize how very little she knows, how little of that is truly useful or praiseworthy, and how much she still has to learn. One of the greatest joys in serving a man is the realization of how very much he has to teach you about virtually everything in life. A slave finds a new peace in just letting things be, letting him take over everything (including all those petty details she may be used to nagging others about), not worrying what happens to her next, where she will eventually end up, or how she will get there. She now has a strong, trusted guide in life and the opportunity to just relax and let him lead. This relaxation is one of the deeper joys a woman transitioning into a slave experiences, particularly if she’s been unusually tense and insecure before. She comes to realize that as long as she is what he wants her to be and does what he says, nothing else matters—and everything is well with her world.

Such experiences of sublime joy don’t always come immediately to a female slave. It may take years before the first glimmerings start to appear. Joys of the sort described above are not things you can structure or plan. Nor can they be conjured into existence from an act of extreme will—or extreme cleverness. Experiences like this almost seem living: they have their own whims, timetables and requirements; they alight in your hand only when they sense it is safe to do so. These joys come if the slave is sincere and tries her best, but only in their own time. There is something magical about them.

There are also things (mental or emotional baggage, wrong attitudes based on false assumptions, inappropriate desires, misunderstandings, hidden needs, poor self-assessment, being unreliable, an addiction to drama or some other destructive game, etc.) that retard a female servant’s ability to experience or even become aware of such joys. If you are interested in knowing more about these things, try reading some of the other articles on the Humbled Females site. Many of them discuss these stumbling blocks in detail. To sum up all such articles in a sentence: consider that genuine joy, based in love, dedication and sacrifice, cannot grow in a dim, swampy, jealous, insecure, confused, lazy, demanding, unselfknowing but, nevertheless, very inwardly-focused “This Should Be All About Me” environment. Not only must a potential slave be highly motivated to change such aspects of herself but her master, too, has to be competent and knowledgeable enough to bring about such change, should he decide she is worth the time and trouble.

Below are some detailed descriptions of experiences and attitudes that make myself and other slaves I know of deeply happy, happier than we have ever been before. You may find a number of these experiences highly familiar: they are the cornerstones on which dedicated, loving, consensual slavery is built, brick by careful brick.

 

“Honesty…is such a lonely word. Everyone is so…untrue.”—Billy Joel

Telling the truth is probably the most essential and valuable quality people bring to any sort of personal relationship. Without a commitment to straightforwardness, the lies, omissions, and easy skirting around the facts tend to multiply between a couple until neither one knows what the other really thinks or even who they actually are. Each is living in an uneasy world of unreality in regards to the other, until one of them breaks the false truce, finds out something the other was hiding form them, and, in outrage, confronts their partner with their lack of “transparency.” Spying and snooping is much easier to do in these digital times where almost everybody is narcissistically obsessed with having their every thought, action, and feeling fully recorded somewhere. Because stalking, peeping, and prying on those close to us is so easy, it happens quite frequently, often with disillusioning results. It may well be that at the time Billy Joel wrote that song, it felt like “everyone was so untrue,” but the everyday, even every-hour practices in these times of direct deception or its converse, finding out what’s being kept from you, makes Joel’s era look simple, clean, and very straightforward by comparison. And yet honesty, telling the truth simply and clearly (and without weaponizing it), is essential for happy, peaceful, rewarding, long-lasting relationships.

Can you remember the time when you told your first lie? Can you remember what it felt like? I can’t remember my first one, my memory is not that good, but I do remember around the age of 4 or 5 telling my Catholic mother, when she saw that my younger sisters and I had (yes, this was my bright idea) glued our hands together with Elmer’s glue, that we were “praying.” I didn’t grasp at all why she didn’t buy that most reasonable explanation. Our first lies are pretty amateurish and often related to simple hopes or fears: we lie to get a cookie or we lie, as in my case, to avoid being scolded or punished. If we are raised well (or raised at all—a lot of parents these days are only there for children in the body, their minds and emotions are elsewhere), then we were taught there are consequences for lying. Later, when we became capable of reason, someone bothered to explain to us, if we were lucky, how the consequences of lying could be far worse than just “getting caught.” Then, as we grew older and experimented with forming our own relationships, we started to experience, once again, the various consequences of lying. Again, if we’re lucky and not congenital liars, we start to learn a little bit from the hard consequences of our young-adult lies, even if they are never found out.

Further on in life, in our most important relationships and friendships, we discover in full the decaying, debilitating effect that lying has on those important people we love or care most about…and on ourselves. Becoming another’s slave is the most important and responsible relationship role we’ll ever assume. If we drag the filthy habit of deception (whether through direct deceit or lying by omission) onto this far more sacred ground, the consequences of those lies, when eventually uncovered, might destroy us. It’s pretty hard to live with oneself if you’ve been constantly lying to the man you swore absolute fidelity, honesty, and obedience to.

I have learned from some hard experiences that honesty, particularly with one’s master, is always for the best, even if it has shocking initial results. Coming clean about everything is a part of loyal service to him. A woman is not a slave if she is not honest with her master. Instead, she’s more his enemy. I did my first master no favors by one time making him agonize for weeks that something really terrible had happened to me. I had a secret I just couldn’t tell him, and I couldn’t tell him for months–although I did tell him I had a horrible secret that I was miserable about. This worried and scared him a lot more than it did me. Should the result of your telling the truth be terrible, and he tells you that you’re finished as a slave to him, keep aware that you did the right thing in owning up to your transgression. Things work in mysterious ways and it’s quite possible that in the future you will have many reasons to be happy that you did admit the truth. There’s always hope as long as you are alive even if you have no idea where that hope might come from. Most of us, when we look back on our lives, see many places where, despite our fears for the future, we’ve received unexpected assistance when things were darkest and even second or third chances when we expected none. So, if you have lied, do not give up hope. Gird your loins, steel yourself, and just let it out: tell him. You’ll feel so much better if you do that.

 

“And they lived happily ever after.”
—Innumerable fairy tales

Unending mutual respect and love, if not worship, that doesn’t fade with familiarity or time is the expressed and expected ideal of many contemporary modern people who fall in love. We expect when we enter a romantic relationship that this heady, intense high of meeting someone extremely attractive and compatible (but at the same time, a mysterious unknown) will last forever and that the relationship will consist of permanent, mutual adoration. No matter how many times we’ve fallen in love before, we seem to never expect that the newness will eventually wear off. And we certainly do not consider, let alone anticipate, that something even better could take its place. Hence, the average individual gets bored or angry or restless with their current partner and craves to move on… to someone new who is extremely attractive and compatible (but, at the same time, a mysterious unknown). I guess it’s to be expected that many females entering into slavery (and sometimes even their masters) believe in this happy-ending myth, as well. The potential slave, in particular, often expects either that (a) her master will adore her forever because she’s just so awesome or (b) he will adore her forever because she adores him and he will be so grateful for this that he will fall madly in love with her…even if she’s not so awesome.

These expectations about the future, while they might turn out to be at least partially true, are not are not the ideal assumptions to bring into a relationship of servitude and subservience to another’s will. The women who seem happiest and most content as slaves (and, more importantly, the ones whose masters are content with them) are, paradoxically, those who entered slavery with no conditions set, no requirements that had to be met, had no idea, even, where their next meal would come from. They required nothing from the men they served, especially not promises of permanence or pledges of romantic love. They simply wanted the chance to serve, however long or short that service might be, and trusted that he would do what was right for him, whether or not it promised any sort of security or other goodies for them. And they absolutely relished feeling this way. They didn’t want an “I’ll take care of you no matter what” romantic insurance clause. The last thing they needed was a marriage to legally seal their rights, making them capable of extracting money from him if things didn’t work out. But if he did choose to marry her for his own reasons, a sincere slave would never abuse that status to get her own way or screw him financially if she didn’t.

These females, the ones who live never knowing what their fate will be from one day to the next, are some of the happiest women that I know. They know that what is of most importance is their love for and service to their masters, both of which they tend to carefully and keep burning brightly like a small but essential campfire on a very cold Northern slope. They are too busy happily serving to worry about what might happen to them. Such females truly realize their subservient, unimportant state and even revel in it, because they craved, some for all their lives, to be treated this way. As perverse as this might sound to someone more conventionally minded, this lack of caring about one’s self and one’s destiny and the relishing of one’s unimportance are the sources of the deepest contentment a genuine slave can experience. As long as her master is happy, provided for, content, and satisfied, she is at peace and bubbling underneath with joy. She loves the fact that her needs do not matter, that everything he desires takes precedence, and that the inner reality of her life is precariously balanced in his hand. She fully accepts the fact that her master might discard her when he has no more use or desire for her. This core fact makes it absolutely clear to her that she is actually living a life of slavery, not involved in some shallow roleplay in what is really a very vanilla coupling. If one is really a slave, this is how you live “happily ever after.”

 

“Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” 
—Lao Tzu

Simplification, minimalism, downsizing, not desiring more: the fact that these ideas are popping up a lot more often in Western culture at this time suggests the general population is finally wising up to what experienced consensual slaves know instinctively: that less is definitely more. It’s a wonderful feeling when what pleases you most in life is to have less around you, not more. Less objects. Less food. Less movies, apps and other stimuli. Less clothes. Less friends. Less events. Less “big ideas.” Less accomplishments. And definitely less clutter. A slave begins to love the way that the shedding off of all this heavy, heavy…stuff, be it material or immaterial, simplifies and clarifies her life. Her world becomes reduced to the essential: just enough and no more. Slowly, a learning slave begins to apply this concept of “less is more” to her master and the time he spends with her. She feels happy and grateful for what he does, she doesn’t obsess on what he doesn’t do. She longs to be with him always, but at the same time she quickly forgets or ignores the time he doesn’t spend with her.

“The best things in life are not things.” 
—Art Buchward

At the core of the desire for more and more of everything, material and immaterial, is, I suspect, a fear of loss, an intense insecurity. An extreme example: starving people who do not know where their next meal is coming from and who are, due to their own crazed need, suspicious that others are going to try steal their current meal, might attack food when they finally get it, wolf it down fast, almost violently, like a dog does, so that nobody else can try to take it away. This is a base survival instinct kicking in, but those who are well-nourished can also be insecure and exhibit similar behavior. Bad parenting can cause insecurity-driven greed to rise to the forefront in some children and attach itself to some pretty strange things. Insecure people tend to collect things when trying to assuage their insecurity. Their tons of possessions, overflowing their houses and stuffing their basements may look like piles of beaten up trash that a really lazy family refuses to take out, but to the insecure hoarder they represent treasures, security: what if I lose everything on the top level of my house to thieves or a hurricane? Well, I’ve still got all this fine old familiar stuff in the basement that can take its place! Security is what they crave the most and most fear losing. But when you constantly fear losing security do you ever really have it?

Some people choose to collect accolades and praise, the choicest of which they feel compelled to repeat to others to prove (really to themselves) how great or legitimate they are. Or they may collect intellectual or professional accomplishments, as that is encouraged in most societies and earns them the respect they’re always craving from others. Those following an alt-path might become experts or “personalities” in obscure social media outlets or in online gaming. The insecure may collect fads, popular ideas or movements, attitudes, political stances, fashions, and practices they think make them cooler, more awesome, or a “real” person (whatever that is). But how often are these tastes and styles simply the polar opposites of those the insecure person’s parents would have chosen? And, if so, exactly how individualistic is that?

There is no end to what the insecure collect: it doesn’t have to be things. It can be friends, pets or others who praise or seem to adore them. Or they might collect life stories: a coherent narrative that makes all those random accidents, chance encounters, ups and downs, and, to be frank, total screw-ups, seem like consciously placed elements in a complex and beautifully tiled life story that they are intentionally fashioning.

Letting go of possessions of all kinds means not only that you are capable of being content with whatever you are given by your master but it also signifies that you have the inner flexibility needed to be a slave. No matter what a serving woman thinks while in a frenzy of acquisition or when experiencing a craving, there really isn’t anything (besides him) that she “must have” or she will suffer horribly. The dismantling of the addiction to things, be they physical, mental, or emotional, involves following one’s master’s lead, taking gratefully whatever is given, and accepting, peacefully and happily, when something you request is refused or something that once was yours is taken away. Feel these diminishments as what they actually are: some pretty horrendous, heavy burdens finally being shed from your back: these heavy, heavy, heavy things and imaginary needs for things that you do not have to drag around with you anymore. You eventually understand that what you are given by your man, whatever it is, is very special, a sacred gift not to be taken for granted. Be it objects or be it daily experiences, it is your food, your sustenance, and digesting or using this sustenance to the best of your advantage without demanding more—or even demanding less (also a form of greed, as it counters what He wills)—is what good slaves do. We accept that His will for us is all that we need. Removing these unpleasant and unnecessary physical and psychic possessions from a life can take a very long time and may not be a perfectly attainable goal. But you may find over time that you come to relish giving things up, relinquishing and diminishing parts of what you formerly thought of as your “true self,” in order to please your master. The clarity and lightness of less mental and physical baggage starts to help you think more lucidly and focus more intently on your man’s goals for you.

 

“Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.” —Zig Ziglar

Ah, Gratitude. It can fill a slave to the brim with joy and contentment. We’ve all felt gratitude in our lives at one time or another. We feel it more often in youth, when things are so new and fresh and when so many people around us are trying to help us succeed in life simply because we are charmingly young, innocent, and vulnerable. But as we mature and as we start feeling more confident and in control of our own destinies, not only do moments of gratitude become less frequent but our minds start to play self-congratulatory tricks. We start to perceive all good things as the natural outcome of our own efforts, talents, or planning whereas all bad outcomes are never our fault: they are either caused by others or by random accidents of fate. This “adult” way of thinking makes gratitude, an emotion that once came so easily to us in childhood, fade from consciousness, in some cases never returning. To be grateful, truly grateful, one first has to become acutely aware of the outside world, of other beings in it, and of the myriad interconnections and influences that pass between ourselves and our environment. One also has to be able to see that these “others” out there all around one are actually different lives, much like oneself, and not merely extensions of one’s own ego.  This leads to the realization that one is actually just a very small piece of something enormous and deeply intertwined with it. Finally it helps if one has acquired, usually through experiencing hard times or bad luck, a practical, visceral knowledge of how very, very bad things can actually get. This rather intense level of awareness can open the door to a more honest acknowledgement of the effects your environment, including the other people all around, have on you, rather than ascribing all the things you label as “good” as due to your own marvelous qualities. While this realization is good for everybody, in slavery in particular, genuine gratitude is essential. It becomes a real possibility when the slave starts to realize, over time and usually with some astonishment, how much her master has changed her for the better.

The gratitude of a slave grows with time as she sees, again and again, how wise her master is and how his honest observations of her, as painful as they may be at times, always turn out to be correct and very helpful. Consider this: you’re with a man who is actually training you as a slave. Initially, you find his scolding shocking, his harsh words really hard to take, the way he ignores you at times as cruel and unnecessary, and the stinging crop to be deeply unpleasant, mortifying, and unfair. But over time, as you start to change and do things right, as you also start to think the way he wants you to think and become more of what he wants you to be, as you see his wisdom in disciplining and guiding you in this manner and how it slowly leads toward more pleasing service to him, you notice how very well all this works to make both his and your lives run more smoothly and peacefully. You are improving as a slave, and slowly, the adverse consequences of your former lack of attention, slip-ups, and heavy self-focus lessen. As a result, you exhibit these unattractive traits less often, which is more pleasing to him.

Stripping away the false ego can be a hard and painful process. It’s fearful to look at what might be underneath all those myriad layers of self-pride. A skilled master can take his female on this journey of honest and sometimes painful discovery but only if she obediently follows behind him and doesn’t constantly drag her feet, get distracted, or look back toward the way she once was longingly and nostalgically. She may need to learn some basic “Life 101” lessons: such as that flattery and ego-stroking are not always signs of genuine regard, that possession of a multitude of facts is not a sign of wisdom or enlightenment, particularly when one utilizes them only to impress others, and that two words of approval from her master are worth a thousand eloquent speeches of praise from anyone else. When a lot of the unpleasant underbrush of the bloated ego and false personality has been cleared away, the gratefulness starts to flow into the empty, cleared space—as long as the female hasn’t managed to delude herself that she did all of this hard work herself. If all goes well with her training, she will eventually start feeling immensely happy and deeply grateful that she’s met this wonderful man, who has, singlehandedly and despite her initial resistance, made some real, lasting, and very positive changes in her. When she contrasts her new self with how she used to be, she sees clearly that these vast improvements to her personality and changes in attitude were not of her own making and would never have happened if this man had not been interested enough to make her his slave. When a slave begins to recognize these things, she starts to feel the early pricklings of deep appreciation for her master and all he has done for her. Depending upon her upbringing, this may be the first time in her life she’s ever felt this way toward someone. She will also start to feel awe at the abilities of a man who can create such a profound transformation in her. Without his hard work she’d be on a very different life trajectory—and, due to her narcissism, likely traveling it blindly.

Not every slave has to go through this difficult and painful ego-stripping process with a master, but most people born in this age and time need at least a basic course in how to really think and care about somebody other than themselves. There comes a point in this course of education where we embrace the discipline as both necessary and welcome, rather than rejecting it as wrong or unfair. We stop resisting our master’s will in subtle ways, we don’t try to secretly control our environment, including the way we are trained, we stop trying to teach him “wisdom” about ourselves or the world in general. We abstain from all of this folly because we’ve finally learned the value of a reduced ego and we can now honestly admit we’ve never been very good at reducing it on our own.

It’s common knowledge that you cannot fill a pitcher with fresh, cool water and expect it to be drinkable if it’s already half full with something noxious: say motor oil or vinegar. The fresh, life-giving water will mix with the foul substance and make a diluted but terrible-tasting or even deadly cocktail. Instead, the pitcher must be emptied fully (and perhaps thoroughly scrubbed) before it is suitable to receive a fresh, delicious, liquid without contaminating it with its previous contents. When the ego wars are over: when a slave who is being thoroughly and properly trained stops fighting her master, stops clinging to what she used to be, stops trying to slip around his changes, and fully embraces his way of living, you could say she is emptied of the mental and emotional contents she brought to slavery. She is emptied of things she once thought absolutely essential to her sense of self and is ready to be filled with fresh, new, invigorating spirits.

Our minds can be likened to vessels or pitchers, that, since childhood, have been uncontrollably collecting impressions, experiences, ideas, attitudes, and tastes from whatever environment we were rather randomly spat out into. We had few choices about this, and what ones we had, we usually made incorrectly because it seemed more fun to take the “easy road” we saw others around us taking: becoming cool and self-important, accruing possessions and fetishizing them, collecting people who feed our egos, agree with us, or make us, by comparison, feel superior. A slave who backs away from all that Me-ness and My-ness, who can honestly admit that being around someone superior who can teach her helps her far more than the fawning of acolytes or the isolated emptiness of a snidely superior attitude toward others; a slave who begins to recognize that her possessions, her knowledge, her ideas, her attitudes, all that content she’s been filling her personal pitcher with, are in the large scheme of things not that impressive and in the personal realm not really her at all…well, that woman begins to feel an immense amount of debt toward the individual who is bringing her attitudes, thoughts, and emotions back to this basic, cleaned out, emptied, and pristine state.

Slowly, the cleansed vessel starts to fill with the joys of simple gratitude. She feels deep relief that she finally has a place in the world where she can be her real self without having to boast, lecture, posture, teach, or argue and where she can enjoy a life that has been tremendously reduced in complexity, no longer having to make  tough decisions and bear (often terrible) responsibility for them. She feels joy along with a little trepidation that she can be her real self for the first time in years, rather than that phony false persona she felt she had to face the world with. She experiences happiness at how simple and easy her life has become, no longer fraught with unnecessary drama and stress. And she finds joy at watching that raw, crude ugly self she brought to her master’s table start to melt away as the original part of her, her real self, emerges. All of these experiences can (and have) made many a lucky woman cry out of relief and intense, abiding gratitude for the man who has wrought such changes in them.

 

“Everyone has been made for some particular work, and the desire for that work has been put in every heart.”
—Rumi

Work of all sorts, work that you used to find tedious and annoying, work that is simple and not prestigious becomes fun when it is done for the man you serve. Simple, repetitive, boring, annoying activities, things we’d never do for ourselves, become genuinely interesting. It’s the doing it for him that gives the activity, whatever it is, its magic. You feel good and know you’re making the life of the one who is most important to you better. Contentment in hard, constant work, not impatiently trying to get it done as quickly as possible in order to return to more “important things,” enjoying these moments of simple labor, and anticipating his inner pleasure and comfort from your service, even if he never says a word about it, feels wonderful. But you know what feels even better, at least for a slave? It’s when he relaxes and trusts you enough to take your service for granted, just assumes the house will be clean and neat, that things left out will be picked up, that a good dinner will be on the table, the garbage taken out, and the shopping and other tedious chores done, all without his constant supervision, encouragement, scolding, praise, advice, or company being required to keep the slave at her work and motivated.

“Work is love made visible.” 
— Kahlil Gibran

There is a great feeling you get when you do a job well, quietly, and all on your own, without having to advertise it to the world. It’s your secret: only you and your master know what you have done. And there is joy in the actual labor, the physical moments (or non-physical, if it’s that sort of task), focusing just on the job that needs doing, paying close attention to the small details, not missing things or cutting corners, getting it done and done right. A hard-working slave contributes primarily to the betterment of her master’s life and secondarily to the betterment of herself. In the practice of honest labor, new, healthy habits are acquired and older, dysfunctional habits start to drop off.

Work, while it can seem annoying while performing the task, has so many side benefits. It grounds and centers you, helps you be in the moment rather than lost in your fantasies, teaches you attention to detail, moves you outside of the constant pursuit of pleasure that everyone seems to dive into once they quit working for the day, and helps keep you physically healthy, mentally sane, and happy because you’re connected, closely, to the real, living broader-than-broadband world, not lost in the fantasies, passions, and ridiculous foibles of those narrow, twisty, dark virtual tunnels it is so easy to get lost in. I tend to come out of a long bout of social media contact feeling soiled, unclean, unhappy or at least dissatisfied—if not outright disgusted. I come away from dusting, ironing, vacuuming, or dishwashing feeling happy (I contributed to His welfare), enjoying the change in the physical surroundings, content, more alert and “present” because I’ve been moving my body around and pumping blood to my brain, far more aware of my environment and less foggy-minded. What’s not to like about any of that?

The best joy from working, for a slave, at least, comes from her knowledge that these acts please her master and improve his life. It’s the simple joy of giving, or, as I see it, giving back to someone who has given me so very much.

 

“Enjoy the Silence…”
—Depeche Mode

“…your own, that is”
 —article author

There’s growing and then there’s Growing Up. Actually, the growing up comes first. Growing up, for grown-ups, involves really learning new things, not just pretending to learn them or pretending to like to learn. It involves abandoning stale, old, unconstructive habits of thinking, acting and feeling that you simply keep around because they are familiar or comfortable. Such habits might involve intense narcissism, the tendency to throw temper tantrums or reproachful guilt trips when one doesn’t get one’s way, using tears, invented injury, or other dramas to further one’s cause, and other attempts to manipulate from the bottom.

Growing, on the other hand, cannot commence in a female until the “Growing Up Once You’re Grown Up” phase is well along and made some significant progress. A selfish, childish, petty personality cannot learn anything new; she just forcibly reshapes anything new that she encounters to fit into her own safe, comfortable belief system and preconceptions. If you are barricaded off from everything new, including impacts from your master, you cannot really learn anything, no matter how much you tell yourself that you are learning. Growing up is a complex process, and the first step begins by battling down the ego and realizing that no matter how big, how important, how smart, even how slave-like you think you are, you haven’t even taken the first tentative steps on the road to slavery until you get a tight rein on those wild horses of immense self-regard and willfulness. The real work of transforming oneself can’t begin until you do. But to rein in one’s ego is very hard. One has to be willing to see it clearly, in all its ugliness, and that can be quite painful. Most people don’t even begin to try this. Instead, they manage to convince themselves that they’ve already done all this hard work: it’s well in their past and they got the Selfless T-shirt. Such a “slave” is usually lost. But let’s say one does manage to get a handle on the incredibly difficult task of reining in one’s wild horses. What comes next?

Well, for one thing, the joys of growing. These joys are immense and immensely important compared to what one gave up.

Learning (actual learning, like you did as a child) is tremendous fun, once you realize that you don’t have to be the brightest kid on the block and always have the right answer or even contribute some witty (to you, perhaps) riposte. In fact, it is only through recognizing all that you don’t know that you can begin to learn. A slave can finally relax when she stops caring so much about what she knows or doesn’t know in comparison to others and stops worrying so much about how she appears to them or whether she can impress them. She reaches a position of peace where she just quietly and humbly pursues, to the best of her abilities, the goals she has been given to achieve. In most enslavements, whether it’s stated explicitly or not, these goals involve learning to really see yourself and what’s around you without egotism clouding one’s vision. Only then, when she sees who and what her master really is, can the slave start to feel, understand, anticipate, and serve his tastes and pleasures, rather than trying to egotistically impose her own ideas of what these should be upon him.

Asking questions and then thoughtfully and carefully listening to the answers, thinking about what you are hearing, and then asking further, follow up questions about things that interest you in what he says, taking a deep interest in what one’s Master  communicates (rather than constantly planning how to show him all it is that you know) is immensely fun, relaxing, and the way in which you learn new things. What stops us, what closes our minds is often deep insecurity which, in turn, leads to egregious displays of “But just look at how much *I* know—isn’t it impressive?” Once that egotistical “full pitcher” has been emptied, however, a slave can start experience the deep joys of learning new and unexpected things from her master. Or, to put it metaphorically, she will rejoice in being filled with a sparkling elixir of far higher quality that that foul self-regarding swill she brought with her into his presence.

 

“Unself yourself…
until you see your self as a speck of dust 
you cannot possibly reach that place; 
self could never breathe that air,
 so wend your way there without self.
” —Hakin Sanai

When you are completely focused on another: learning his ways, his thoughts, his desires, his attitudes, and everything else about him, you stop thinking about yourself so much. Your focus is on your wonderful, amazing master, his goals, his interests, his desires—not on what you want, your history, your brilliance, your experience, your…whatever. As you focus more and more on pleasing him and only pleasing him, you start to forget yourself. To a female who has built a shrine to her own self in her head, a heavy wall of ego around her heart, or both, forgetting her great and glorious self is usually the last thing she imagines as pleasant or desirable, unless she superficially decides it’s another mark of status she must achieve: “All the other good slaves do this ego-reduction thing so I must do it too, or I might be seen as wanting in comparison…and we certainly can’t have that!” (There’s something a bit paradoxical about that line of thought…)

Forgetting oneself, losing one’s self in another, is a slow gradual experience, something that just happens when and if the serving female’s attention becomes more and more and more and MORE focused on her master. It feels very good not to be constantly thinking about oneself, to even forget for a time that “you” exist, because you’re thinking about benefiting him all the time or you are so deeply engrossed in the tasks he has assigned to you or the valuable thoughts he is imparting to you. But how does this state of mind come about?

Initially, submissive women who wish to serve dominant men become attracted to a particular man because something about him shines brilliantly, stands out strongly against all of the ordinary around him, and this deeply intrigues them. This fascination leads to them wanting to know more about him. They may secretly stalk him online, follow him about from place to place so that they can read what he’s written, or, if he is local to them, try to go to places where he hangs out. They may even start interacting with him slightly, in public venues, virtual or real, as their inner obsession with him grows. This interaction, initiated by the smitten female, is absolutely essential. The ones who squat on their “My pussy is golden, so come begging…boy” tuffets will never hear from such a man. He tends to be so encircled by women who are intensely fascinated by him and a lot less full of themselves than Little Miss Muffet that he can scarcely see her. These interested women don’t sit on stale, boring, self-absorbed thrones; they contact him first, in some way. They show interest. That, in turn, indicates to the male that perhaps this female can be trained to realize that in dominance and submission, it’s not “all about them.” The rare woman who can do this, who can make the first approach toward a man who interests her, has at least the potential to lose herself in another. She can at least grasp in theoretical terms the concept that Someone Else matters more than great, wonderful, golden-pussy me.

The experience of serving an aware, experienced, genuinely dominant man and obeying this man’s conscious direction and orders starts to teach a female to be less self-centered. Even the most submissive of women have a tendency to focus on themselves and egotistically navel-gaze. Women are taught in so many ways that only The Self matters, that “me” and “my” and “mine” are the only important pronouns. Undoing that cultural damage, even if you are deeply submissive and have the assistance of an expert Male Coach, can take time, because a lot of this self-absorption is unconscious and not even recognized by the female as a problem. It’s just the way she is. But it isn’t the way she first started out, nor is it the way she should remain, if she wants to serve a man fully.

A wise male will coach and train his female to start losing that intense focus on herself and her needs so that she can start to serve him more. Slowly, the time she spends thinking about his pleasure and not just her own increases, and her own personal desires start to lose their urgency. There seems to be no end to how far this can progress, at least not that I’ve noticed, but it happens silently inside, without needing special props like unusual terminology, costumes, or rituals. As one’s focus changes to only thinking about what is best for the man one serves, a girl takes a certain pleasure in the fact that she is forgetting to feed her ego. She starts to think things like, “Hey, I never told him my great story about how I did this wonderful accomplishment at my job! Oh well, it’s old news now and I know what I do is incredibly boring to him, so I’ll skip it.” Or three months later, she remembers, “Oh yeah, I wanted to ask him if I could (start this blog) (buy this cute dress) (post a hot photo of myself online) (make him my favorite dish from my past even though I know he doesn’t like creole cooking) (ask him for that intriguing item I wanted) … and so on…. But I forgot! Oh well, the moment has passed, so I’ll be quiet about this one.” The things we think we want or need so badly start to fade into the background. In their place, we are overjoyed when he buys new clothes for himself, gets a special tool he wants, posts some marvelous stuff online, or achieves some important goal in his career. We celebrate those moments and downplay our own successes, as compared to his, because we know in our bones they are just not that important. We’re just doing what we were ordered to do so why make a big deal out of it?

And that is how the self-forgetting goes. I don’t know where it ends, as I am certainly not there yet. Perhaps it never ends. You can’t destroy your ego entirely—it’s needed to handle the practical, boring stuff and to help sincere females put on that false face we have to put on toward people and situations that are not understanding of or sympathetic toward what we really are—but perhaps you can slowly start to change that ego, bit by little bit. At first, when you come fresh to a master, you are full of your old life: full of experiences you want to “share” with him, knowledge you want to impart to him or impress him with, a desire to show him in every way he’s chosen a “quality” slave. Eventually, women who serve genuinely dominant males start to learn that none of this self-promotion is necessary, and, in fact, a lot of it is boorishly self-centered. A short factual list of your skills and abilities is all he needs in order to utilize them in the way that he wishes.

Most men would prefer their slaves quickly get over how impressed they are with themselves so that they can start participating fully in their master’s projects and goals. But learning to put your self on a shelf, so to speak, takes time, it doesn’t happen immediately or just because you’ve read or heard something like this and think you understand it. One has to actually experience the slow shedding of parts of your self-regard, giving up certain ego-boosts you once took for granted or were addicted to, and this is not always easy or pleasant—but it may not be as bad as you think, because you’re doing this in the presence of your God on Earth: the glorious man you worship. When you start to realize you’ve forgotten to request, for months at a time, things you used to think were absolutely essential to your functioning, well-being, health, beauty, or other you-centered projects, you are starting to forget yourself. It feels so good to do this! Shedding one’s self-interest opens the door to achieving another difficult task: remembering him: really seeing him, really listening to him, responding to what he says rather than running automatically on your own verbal script, really understanding, because you’re observing what he likes rather than imposing your likes upon him, and so on. Being able to see your master clearly, as the only important person in the room, brings further joy. You may also feel shame for past behavior: for how you tried to impose your will, your ways of doing things, your possessions, your favorite foods, books, movies, TV shows, your beauty and style, your class, your pretensions to grandeur, your this, your that on him because you secretly believed all these things connected with you are golden or certainly better than anything he might desire or suggest. But you’ve learned better now and can finally start to put that old bloated ego to a quiet, dusty rest, only bringing it down off its dark closet shelf when it’s absolutely necessary in dealing with some part of the world that is not Him.

 

“Relaxation means releasing all concern and tension and letting the natural order of life flow through one’s being.”
 —Donald Curtis

Perhaps the biggest secret joy about being a slave is you find out, despite the stress of training and punishment, despite deprivation, pain, and hard work, despite not always being able to please one’s master perfectly or control one’s egotistical desires, that one is relaxed. More relaxed than you’ve ever been in your entire adult life. Why is s this so? There are a lot of possible reasons. Perhaps all of the following play some role in this happy outcome. You finally know who you are. You finally know your role and your place in life’s tapestry. You’re doing what you’ve felt you’ve been meant to do all of your life. Your life is much simpler, less fraught with difficult decisions. You don’t have to worry about proving yourself, showing off, impressing others. All you have to do is obey your master’s orders with an open mind and heart, and you will be accepted. Your master likes and approves of the fine slave you are becoming.

A great burden of stress falls from one’s shoulders when a woman’s life is reduced and clarified into a few very simple basics and she realizes how deeply compatible she is with the way in which these cleaner, smaller aspects of her self are expressed. After a while, when a slave has undergone some training, and her obedience and constant awareness of the Him in her life is second nature, there can arise a tension-free humor and ease in relating to one’s master. This can grow between you because you finally know your place, never step outside of it, and completely relax within the bars of the cage he has built around you. You are no longer scrambling for higher ranking or regard from others, in fact, you don’t give a hoot about what others think of you anymore because you know you are right where you should be, and the one Person in the world who matters to you approves. Peace floods through your system because you know your place in the universe. This is all deeply relaxing, and, as you may have come to know, relaxation is one subtle shade away from joy.

Like many I have encountered here on Humbled Females, my first foray with D/s was through what we call the BDSM community. I had harbored submissive inclinations from an early age, but kept them to myself due, mostly, to confusion and shame. As a young adult in the earlier years of the Internet, I inevitably found online versions of the BDSM world: I was thrilled and relieved that there were others I thought to be like myself! I finally had words like “submissive” and “masochistic” to label personal qualities that had been so confusing to me as I navigated my early days. I had the word “dominant” to describe the type of man to whom I was attracted. I was at last encountering men who wanted to treat me in the very ways I had desired and fantasized about for years.

The online world quickly led to in-person connections. I became part of the local BDSM community group, which was still unique and relatively rare at that time in the 1990’s. I experienced my first enslavement at the age of 26 to a master much older than myself. Though my first master was also part of the local BDSM culture, we were never part of its “scene.” He was a traditional man who didn’t seek out the limelight or the social spotlight, save for an occasional outing on a weekend to change things up. Mostly, he kept me in his apartment for sex, beatings, and domestic service, and I was quite happy to serve him this way.

The relationship ended when he decided to resume a relationship with a former slave, closer to his own age and background, which resulted in their marriage. I was cast aside. And, I was lost on my own. Going from slave to not-slave is an experience I wouldn’t wish on any girl, ever. To fill the void left by my former master, I clung to what I had left: online and local BDSM. I didn’t understand all the reasons for it at the time, but being without a man and being adrift in the BDSM community started a prolonged period of alienation and decline that eventually led to my abandoning D/s altogether: I hid inside a vanilla marriage for years starting in the early 2000’s. Having formerly belonged to a very traditional and dominant man, it was quite disheartening to encounter and try to have authentic relationships with the often shallow, disingenuous people I found in the BDSM world.

But during that intermediary time when I still clung to hollow BDSM, the men with whom I attempted relationships fell into two categories: complete fakes or anything-goes fetishists. Some used the surface aspects of BDSM to gain attention and popularity within the community, feigning dominance in the public and virtual eye, using all the right words, and having all the cheap leather trappings from the local adult gift store to polish their facades. But behind closed doors they were a complete sham. After one particularly bad relationship, I stopped seeking a “master” and thought I should look for a more traditional relationship. But in these relationships, I encountered those who were only interested in bedroom antics, and realized understanding of and enthusiasm for real dominance was pretty anemic. The boyfriend who decided to surprise me by wearing pink satin panties was one of the very last nails in the coffin. Enough said about that.

The angst of those years was exacerbated by the dysfunction of the local BDSM community. They catered to the shallow relationships that were driving me away from D/s. And their supposed focus on “education” was a thin disguise for a lack of vision and fixating on sexual fetishes. Another personal turning point was attending a meeting that culminated in a man being encased and sealed in various forms of plastic. I remember vividly thinking during all of this that I had very little in common with the people around me. I wanted to be consumed and controlled by a man in all the primal and unrelenting ways men have used women since the dawn of time. And I knew that had nothing to do with the man being vacuum sealed in front of me, or the one who had a fetish for corsets, or yet another who had a specific, compartmentalized thing for paddling women’s bottoms with particular implements. 

Throughout the course of my searching in that latter wave of the bedroom-only relationships, I finally met an older, slightly traditional man who liked light D/s. At first, it was decent. He treated me kindly, and it all felt good enough at the time, given the ordeals I had experienced. And so I stepped away from D/s altogether. I slammed the door shut on my past and hid inside an otherwise vanilla relationship and marriage for nearly 14 years. It’s of no surprise to me now that it didn’t work. I spent years in my marriage feeling my submission clawing at my insides, wanting that deep feeling of subjugation to a man. The dysfunction within myself and the relationship only increased as time passed. And when I finally could not take it any longer, my desire was certainly not to find my way back into the BDSM community: I still felt the distance from them that had driven me away from all this. Instead, my urge was to find an authentically dominant man—a man who really had a taste for subjugating a woman and who didn’t see it as a collection of fetish acts.

At the time I exited the BDSM world, social media had not yet taken off (much less among D/s practitioners), so when I was introduced to large online BDSM communities, I naively assumed the doors of understanding had just flung open to me. I was thrilled to find others I thought were like myself. But within a short while, reality set in and it all started coming back to me: the shallowness of BDSM, the lack of real vision and genuine desire, the disingenuous people, the petty politics, and the popularity games. Even worse, I encountered some of the worst by-products of the Internet in the BDSM world: rampant cult-of-personality types, egotistical submissives, supposedly “unsubmissive slaves,” etc. All of them claimed to practice serious D/s, but that was a claim easily questioned by anyone observant and thoughtful. It wasn’t long before the disagreements and attacks ensued. My list of blocked people on one network goes back to my first week on the site. I eventually huddled in a small corner there with a handful of trusted friends. And one day, one of those friends suggested I look into Humbled Females.

Humbled Females quickly drew me in because it is so distinctly and unrepentantly focused on the raw motives and truths of male dominance and female submission, as impolite as they may be to modern sensibilities. In comparison, I quickly found the authenticity lacking in all other places I’d searched before. And, as I spend more time here, I see an ongoing mixed reaction from newcomers. Some seem to quickly have that same sense of homecoming I felt when discovering Humbled Females, whereas others are visibly shocked and sometimes estranged by the approach here that is so different from what they have absorbed in the venues of popular D/s culture.

Divergence from Mainstream D/s

As a female, I recognize submissiveness as a set of inborn psychological, sexual, and social reactions to dominant men. Male dominance and female submission seem to be primal, ancient responses between the sexes. In short, I know I was born this way. While many in BDSM live with the mindset that dominance and submission are “roles” that people step into, one sobering life-event away from falling to the wayside, being submissive is simply how I relate to men. I am not their equal, nor do I desire to try. To be female is to be submissive and best suited to be tethered to a man in life. It took some time. But I eventually understood that my compulsions on this front have far more to do with socially outdated, archaic relations between the sexes than with the “kink community.” Given my instinct to live under a man in all ways possible, I was never going to mesh with the fervently egalitarian and fetish-based approach of the BDSM world. Though I am thankful for the toehold that BDSM was, having brought me to where I am, the parting of ways was inevitable.

At Humbled Females, I have found a refuge filled with the simple truth: men are dominant and females are submissive. The community simply does not entertain anything otherwise. And this directional departure from the anything-goes mindset of BDSM was exactly where my own path diverged. I found others who shared my strong concerns about how contemporary social engineering has gutted heterosexual relationships and D/s culture in general. And where I never felt that being submissive was by choice, I found a community that does not ascribe to the concept of egalitarianism or the fantasy concept of authority transfer. The power asymmetry between males and females that is so natural to me is simply accepted and not maligned to appease politically correct thinking. The spirit of Humbled Females maps almost identically to my first compulsions toward males from a very young age.

On the Goodness of Men

As a female who loves men, the negative and conspiratorial lens of feminism that mainstream D/s applies to the heterosexual male is counter-intuitive. Free of the distorted social views, here we talk about the goodness of traditional, heterosexual relationships and are able to move forward with that as a cornerstone. There is not an exhaustive effort put into whitewashing all discussions to be able to encompass everyone and, therefore, be relevant to no one, and it has been with relief that I found a community that rebukes contemporary feminism and the blind eye it turns to the defamation of men. For as long as I may live, as a heterosexual submissive female, I will never understand why other women in D/s allow the poison of feminism to go unchecked as it undercuts the authority of the very men we all supposedly serve and adore. Instead, Humbled Females lauds the traits and accomplishments of men. And in doing so, my desire to be tethered to a man exists positively, absent of shame, as the concept of a “man” is a virtuous, if not naturalistically authoritative one.

Male authority in the larger world and over women, in particular, is viewed as beneficial and innate. We acknowledge that such power exists due to its time-tested merits and persists due to the stability and improvement it brings to those it touches. As I have seen expressed by other females on a similar path, when left to rely upon my own capacities in life, either I forged brittle facades of faked competence or I spiraled into dark emotional places void of hope. With a biology that affords Him more mental clarity and foresight, my Master has guided me so seamlessly past various delusions and crises to where it is only in looking back, after the reaching the other shore, that I realize how expertly He maneuvered me through the emotional and social disarray. Through experiencing the tangible, identifiable ways in which He has uplifted me, I can now view the larger male predilections to control and form females into what they desire as preferable and inevitable. Because He is a man, imbued with the capacity to better those around Him and generate goodness into the world, I want to exist as a reflection of His will. He molds my body, my behaviors, my very thoughts. And these transformations have passed happily on my end as I’ve seen myself evolve into a different creature, one sculpted by a virtuous man. Everything about this feels right to me, even if I’m told by surrounding society that it’s wrong to think and feel this way. And mainstream D/s falls decidedly short on this point as it refuses to acknowledge any correlation between the very sex of a man and His capacities to improve the world around him.

Female Education and Re-Education

Females in conscious, male-led relationships are given the redirection they need to discourage the egotistical and controlling behaviors they are permitted in other environments. Over the course of time, I’ve come to feel that the Humbled Females approach to modern females might be the harshest reality for new girls to accept when entering the community. The permissions and entitlement feminism has imported into D/s culture has generally turned women into monsters in need of taming, much like elsewhere in society. It is not presumed on this website that females exist in a perfect state of humility or that we can even maintain such a condition by our own perseverance. However, it is assumed that we will strive to improve, follow the men who inspire us, absorb with an open heart the lessons that deepen submission and make it an overtone to our lives. “Humbled” is an idyllic goal, the perfect state I know I will never reach as a flawed creature. Nevertheless, it is the objective and submission is the path. In many ways, this educational environment on Humbled Females seems a larger version of what I have sought in my own life: to be molded and to allow myself to be molded into something better for a man. I still remember the true excitement I felt when first reading the forums here to find other girls actively working to become more submissive and thus better servants for their men. And through the heartfelt discussions and positive examples here on Humbled Females, I have learned and hopefully developed into something better than what I was before.

This environment fills the void that I felt in other communities. It is more meaningful to seek a comprehensive submission that extends past bedroom walls and leisure pursuits to extend into the very fabric of our thoughts, relationships, and daily lives. And while nearly all females I’ve encountered in overt D/s recognize the superiority and goodness of their particular (or potential) man, it is a different level of acquiescence that allows us to extend this towards men in the aggregate and to behave in ways that display respect towards them and personal humility even in the disembodied world of the Internet. Unlike mainstream D/s venues where “submissive” rarely extends past specific, compartmentalized aspects of their lives, I saw quickly that females here are encouraged to recognize the distortions social engineering has encouraged in us as a group. Here, we are pressed to interact and represent ourselves in ways that show politeness, grace, deference, and a willingness to be taught across a full spectrum of environments and interactions. All of this stands in striking contrast to the argumentative and defensive D/s environments outside of Humbled Females.

More Amish than Fetish (and real life is not a fetish event)

With the heartfelt efforts at Humbled Females to give space to the natural, healthy attributes of men and women, it is now of little surprise to me that it’s comprised of others who live as openly and authentically as society allows. Here I do not see dominance and submission compartmentalized in safe corners of people’s lives. Nor is consideration given to the pomp and ceremony that surrounds BDSM culture. My longstanding perception of myself is that my ideal life has more in common with outdated, patriarchal, closed religious communities than with canned “kink” events. Certainly, not everyone here is on my exact part of the spectrum. Regardless, I feel we share such a primal approach to heterosexual relations that is so archaic as to be subversive by contemporary standards. And while modern social pressures may never allow for the full and open expression of many of the ongoing practices in our lives, we exist as overtly as possible, likely always seeming slightly odd to an astute outsider.

Master keeps me under a state of control that speaks to levels of emotional, sexual, and social authority far more prolific and unforgiving than egalitarian based D/s can muster, and far more aligned with the patriarchal control of females we associate with times past and even non-western cultures. As a slave, my life is isolated and cloistered. Day-to-day, I exist in a state of deliberate shackling to my Master. The isolation goes well beyond the feeble “I need permission to…” mentality of BDSM. My mannerisms, both private and public, are manifestations of deference. In His home, I serve Him in the domestic ways females traditionally support their men. If I fail in any of these things, such as acting out of line, creating food He doesn’t like, forgetting to clean something…He’ll beat me. And the list goes on, full of austere practices and self-effacing, often timorous behaviors probably not seen on a larger scale in western culture for more than 100 years. Sexually I am not indulged or latently serviced by Him as is so common in BDSM relationships. I may long for Him, ache to spread my legs for Him. But it is only when He wants and how He wants…..if He even wants to use me instead of another. All sexual power resides with Him, rendering me enslaved in ways that openly conflict with the mainstream fixation on female gratification. Emotionally and psychologically, I am more than metaphorically wrapped around His finger. I have been re-conditioned and re-mapped with Him as the source of all things. Those with more compartmentalized D/s have labeled me “brainwashed” and “doormat” many times. To outsiders, I suppose the lack of self-protection is off-putting, and worshipping a man is idolatrous. Still, there is no safety net for me and no hidden, internal barrier of final refuge. If Master were gone, if He no longer wanted me, I would simply fall apart on levels others would deem clinical.

On Privacy: Sometimes Revealing Less is More

Over the course of time in D/s culture, I have come to appreciate that restraint in sharing intimate details tends to be a clue about personal authenticity. In other social media corners, there is a level of over-sharing and ostentation, especially about sexual details, that reveals a misunderstanding of authentic D/s and parades itself as over-compensation for what is missing. The levels of control and domination that I experience in my everyday life are beyond the scope that can be accepted easily by outsiders. Some things are so intimate and personal that they can only be between my Master and myself. Contrary to the share-all culture of social media today, I’m kept from describing my life in too much detail, and there are good reasons for this. While the way I live under Him is quite consensual, the reality of it can make others uncomfortable, including many within the broader D/s mainstream, which often vilifies practices that might seem too extreme or abusive. And from prior personal experiences about sharing “too much,” I suspect people might take it upon themselves to question my decision-making capacities, and by extension, Master’s character, if they were privy to more intimate details about the relationship.

There are, of course, discussions to which I contribute on Humbled Females that provide necessary personal details in their appropriate contexts. It’s my experience that the people within the Humbled Females community understand and respect the need for privacy where is comes to certain details. There isn’t the feeling of an alt lifestyle monolith watching over those who live this way of life, maligning any real male power through its thought policing and political correctness, turning what we do more into a kinky game while at the same time encouraging insolence and egocentrism in females. At Humbled Females, men are not browbeaten for their total dominion over their women. Females and also other men do not question the authority a man has over his girl. And here I am not cozily maligned as a “doormat” for my compliance or adoration of my Master…not that there really is anything wrong with being His doormat.

Men are More, Women are Less: The Relief of Just Being

As a young girl, I remember instinctively knowing that men were generally more powerful than me. And what’s more, I wanted them to exercise that power over me. I wanted to vividly feel my own weakness and subjugation, if not insignificance. But I grew up in the shadows of feminism and was schooled to believe that I should not think such things. Because these ideas were not socially palatable, I spent a great many years feeling shame and hiding these views later even within the BDSM world. It wasn’t until I encountered the idea of male supremacy as a way of life that I was able to find peace with what I am (and am not). So it was with relief that I found Humbled Females, where inequality between the sexes is understood openly and rationally on a collective level. Some would be uneasy knowing the real-life details of how Master interacts with me as a lesser being. It is unique, based on what I have encountered elsewhere, to find a shared outlook where these practices are accepted as a relationship foundation and are not criticized in order to parrot modern ideals of equality between the sexes. As a female, I know I am less than Master as a man. I deserve less. And I receive less. I do not struggle against the reality. In truth, it is a relief to live in such a fashion as it brings the peace of knowing I live in my full capacity. And in the Humbled Females environment, I can say such things and discuss them as unquestioned cornerstones of my enslavement rather than putting out fruitless efforts to defend myself and my relationship.

Androcentric Worldview

Once upon a time, in a pre-feminist time, focusing on men, their qualities, and achievements, was the way of the world. Now, it requires a specific platform to encounter a pro-male perspective. As an enslaved female, my mindset is concentrated on my Master. I admire His personal attributes and character so much that I deeply wanted to serve Him and need to continue serving Him for my own happiness. And I mince no words when I speak of venerating Him. This pronounced focus on one’s man and the outright adoration of masculine qualities expresses itself on Humbled Females without undue criticism or naysaying from others. This stands in stark contrast to mainstream D/s culture which is typically submissive-centric, focused on the female’s personal journey of fulfillment, and often dismissive of the importance of the man. This is not to say that the Humbled Females path does not aid females on our journey to happiness. But it is openly understood here that, by the very nature of these relationships, men are the path to happiness. And, as females, we are cultivated into devoted servants and auxiliary extensions of their will.

The Self-Made Man

In my Master, I have encountered the epitome of a man who has forged His own path in life and ordered His world to bend to His wishes. His deliberateness and personal clarity were some of the qualities that left me aching for more very early on. I had encountered enough milquetoasts to understand the difference between them and the authentic, self-knowing dominance exuded by my Master. This same masculine course of personal discernment permeates and is openly cultivated in the Humbled Females milieu among other genuine men. I see those who are self-actualized in their dominance rather than following the template of others. This is a departure from mainstream BDSM which tends to fall in line with fantasy models and collective social mentalities. Self-actualized men have unapologetically followed their own personal paths and developed their own personal styles of dominance. They do not rely upon the prescriptions or fantasies of others. While they might express some similarities and reflections of their own vision, for instance, in fictional works, their worldview is still their own. Equally, they have not succumbed to the political correctness that has infested mainstream D/s. The self-made man walks his own path and exudes his own charisma, the very things that make females swoon.

Female Mindfulness

Being mindful of myself as a female, my tendencies and shortcomings, is the corresponding aspect of my life I must do my best to manage while serving a charismatic, superior man. Ego suppression and, ideally, ego erasure are ongoing efforts that play out in the everyday details of my life and interactions with my Master. Subtly and overtly, He reinforces each day that I am less than Him, lower than Him, weaker than Him. I do not willingly rally against this. Instead, I try to root out those places of resistance where my ego pushes against Him. Here in the safety of Humbled Females, the eye towards male authority allows these efforts to be more deeply understood and encouraged. And this point, I feel, cannot even be seen as divergent from BDSM as the latter is completely vacuous on the subject. Mainstream D/s tends so strongly toward submissive female indulgence and self-gratification that the concepts of putting the man first and striving for personal ego loss are simply absent.

What Dare not Speak its Name: Female Inferiority

The model of the self-actualized man and mindful humbled female segues so easily into the concepts of male ascendancy and female inferiority that the very discussion may seem redundant. But the ideas are so basic that they must be explored in their own right for how they contribute to individual relationships and community interactions. While these concepts define my personal understanding of life and fulfilling heterosexual relationships, they are essentially taboo in BDSM culture. Most expressions of them exist in quiet, fringe corners of mainstream venues. Any attempted forays into larger environments are shut down by those regurgitating politically correct dogma. And as a believer in male supremacy, I have been shown the proverbial door on more than one occasion when attempting to speak my mind in these forums, but on Humbled Females, these ideas exist, and are open to discussion. Not all who contribute are dyed-in-the-wool male supremacists, of course, but the idea isn’t a pariah, either. In addition to being part of many of the relationships here, the very concept of female inferiority, is, on some level, inevitable in community discussions, bringing with it a civility and ability to move forward intellectually that is altogether absent in mainstream D/s discussion. The even-keel nature of male leadership permeates the environment. Females are socially deferential and encouraged to actively engage in the leadership and teachings of our men. And both sexes root out the cultural poisonings that keep so many from fulfilling lives.

Like others here with very traditional views on the sexes, my private life has many of the hallmarks of what outsiders would consider antiquated practices. Where the BDSM world is obsessed with appearing contemporary and bending its very nature to contort to modern gender politics, I am unrepentant in being the opposite. My view of females as empty vessels awaiting a man to fulfill us is outright heresy in mainstream D/s. As a female, a creature of lesser stance, I serve the man who has taken me under His wing. Without Him, I can admit that I have very little sense of self or purpose. So, I labor to make His life better, as females have traditionally done for their men, to stay in His good graces. I clean His home. I cook His meals. My financial gains go to Him. My body is used as He likes. I attempt to be pleasing and conversational when He wishes. And I do my best to be invisible when He has no use or desire for me. I absorb His kindness and His malice. On my best days, I embrace all of this. And on my worst days, I simply endure. But there is never a question of it not happening. And I cling to being able and allowed to do these things because, just as other females have experienced through the long arc of human history, I know my life has meaning and is improved in being tethered to a man.

So if you’ve happened into the Humbled Females sphere, there’s a good chance that you, too, also found this world through the toehold of BDSM. You likely came here looking for more, understanding that your deeper drives aren’t represented in the mainstream D/s mentality and its venues. Maybe you are among those who see an instant reflection of their values here. But even if the conversations and ethos seem slightly foreign at first, even contrary to what you have encountered elsewhere, remember what brought you here in the first place. While I often think of the essence of Humbled Females as an evolution past BDSM, much more so it is a return to form for the sexes. BDSM is a blip on the cultural map awaiting one large society-changing event to fall completely by the wayside. But here, we have re-discovered the ancient traditions and alignments between men and women that span the trajectory of history—timeless, and resilient to the whims of human meddling.