Cookie is an older female in her late forties, but that doesn’t keep her from taking care of her body so that it may still service male pleasure. Note her recent breast implants. Note, further, that she is enthusiastically learning the ropes with dog training. She is already walking on the leash quite well (no small feat, considering the method Marc Esadrian teaches), and demonstrates that she is a quick learner with position commands. She’s not perfect, but she’s getting there, proving that old bitches can indeed learn new tricks. Watch Cookie wait obediently in her cage, accept the leash, drink out of a dog bowl to hydrate herself, and practice slave positions with dedication and focus. What a good girl. We hope she is an inspiration to all females, young and old, that submission and service doesn’t have to end any time soon in life. You can be healthy, pretty, sexually viable, and quick with your obedience well into the autumn of life.

It’s not especially novel at this time to observe and discuss wayward trends in cultural direction, especially in spaces like ours. It may come as no surprise to readers, for instance, that Humbled Females sees a decidedly progressive or “woke” agenda throughout Western society, the pall of which covers everything from the pariah of sexism to the specter of institutional racism. There is much ado about these subjects in politics, in higher education, online, on talk shows, podcasts, and in everyday conversation, and so naturally there would come a time when we’d want to make our position clear within the community, as we do not shy away from commenting on other socially sensitive subjects. We have spoken critically about the demonization of those recognizing differences between the sexes and the related rise of feminism’s corrupting influence quite often, as one would expect us to, given our interests. In this article we’re shifting away from directly criticizing feminism and targeting an adjacent social influence: the transgender movement in its intellectual, cultural, and political activist form. It has been a long time coming, frankly. We have avoided writing anything particular on the subject due to its sensitive nature, but given our core philosophy about the reality of sex, and further contrasting it with the growing influence of transgenderism, which seems bent on obfuscating that reality entirely, this address was inevitable. From Twitter to Scientific American to the APA itself, attacking the truth of sex for the political motivations of a very small group has risen to the forefront of the social justice lens. The way transgender men, in particular, have co-opted the definition of women is obviously of grave concern to us, for we have very particular ideas about what constitutes the adult female sex. Enabled with the antecedent of intersectional feminism and its ideas of equivalence between the sexes, transgenderism—as political animal or as personal truth—has gained a worrisome foothold in the Western psyche, one already addled with the modern rot of political correctness, its people primed at early ages to accept a host of radical ideas that defy common sense, even reality itself. The idea that women are just as capable as men at all things, that there are really no fundamental differences between the sexes, and any extent to which this seems the case can be laid at the feet of cultural influence is just one such example of said lunacy. Transgenderism seems to be following in the practiced footsteps of feminism’s playbook, taking the discussion of the sexes to a new frontier: one of complete blurring…

Penny is trained to assimilate some core operating premises with the aid of two useful technologies. The goal is simple: to make her a better submissive female under a strict doctrine. The medium of pleasure: a remote controlled vibrator. The medium of correction: a canine shock collar. Using these devices in tandem during rote programming incentivizes the process of learning. When the female states a programmed value correctly, she receives a pleasurable reward nestled deep inside her sex, forming a sensual pleasure bond; when she fails to state a programmed value correctly, she receives a mild shock from the dog collar, encouraging her away from lack of focus during programming. The only path available for her mind is the one illumined for her. The incentive and punishment combination has its peaks and valleys, as Penny experiences in this video.

Sometimes polishing up the kitchen or running a vacuum through the living room can give a female a sense of satisfaction and a little extra pep in her step, but there are days when these tasks take on a different feeling: mounds of laundry and hundreds of square feet to dust can suddenly be overwhelming, even depressing. At Humbled Females, we believe females should be encouraged to embrace their domestic responsibilities with positivity, obedience, and mindful enthusiasm. Housework should be a pleasure, and there is a training method we recommend that takes this literally. To reinforce a healthy psychology around housework, we recommend creating a connection between domestic labor and sexual stimulation, making the experience erotic. With enough conditioning through repeated sessions, the female will associate housework with sexual arousal, triggering a conditioned sexual response (CSR). The resulting pleasure reward of this method has an obvious utility: to reify the female’s domestic responsibilities as positive, insuring she finds stimulation in housework, which in turn makes her more productive and a better slave. Marc Esadrian trains Ginger in this method using a Bluetooth-controlled remote vibrator that is easily managed from a smart phone. Ginger’s routine culminates with an intense focus on her work and a resulting orgasm at day’s end.

Bitch Bailey is collared and chained to a thick wooden pole in a modernized refurbished mill building apartment. Placed in the hall leading to an open and spacious living room, the pole’s location was a perfect coincidence, providing no privacy. The polished concrete floor makes her time spent there uncomfortable as she awaits her appointment with the whip. The thick metal collar and heavy chain compliments her coiling musculature: the perfect image of the “strong, empowered” female suitably kept humbled and obedient. The time leading up to and after being stretched upon the whipping post provides an excellent frame of time to reflect upon her mistakes in exposed discomfort. Only when her master is content with her penance is she released from the post and allowed the dignity of sleeping in her cage again.

“The crop is a very convenient tool of punishment. Easy to wield and implement, it is my primary method of physical correction. The small and easy to control signal whip comes in at a close second, but what I like about the crop is its rigidity, allowing very little effort to use in close quarters, and without the problems of wrap-around that the whip presents. For more formal (and severe) punishments, the whip is much preferred, but the crop is an ideal go-to implement for use on the fly. It can be plied lightly and accurately for gentle reminders, such as the one pictured here, or with tremendous severity, rendering angry red welts upon the skin. In either case, it will get your girl’s attention.”

—Marc Esadrian

Niki serves Marc Esadrian a quick afternoon lunch. But quick isn’t always simple. The tasks of a humbled female involve domestic talent, mindfulness, attention to detail, and sufficient passion to provide a seamless and pleasurable experience for the man of the home. This does not always lead to a smooth experience for the female, especially one who may be new and lacks a necessary level of discipline and learned attentiveness. Master might like his pasta a certain way: get distracted for only a few moments with other preparations, like setting the table perfectly, lighting the candles, and preparing the wine, and you might miss the al dente window. Having to start the preparations of the food all over again will result in him waiting longer, which is never a good thing! This example is one of many, but easily illustrates that being a good humbled female is about living in a state of intensely submissive mindfulness. It’s fulfilling and even fun at times embracing this state, but it brings its deceptively subtle challenges, nonetheless, keeping her nimble and light-footed as she remembers all the fragments of good service, putting them together in precisely the right ways at the right times, learning to move with grace and quietness with a collar of steel around her delicate neck and the possibility of the whip, should she err.

“Another gallery brought back by popular demand. Household cleaning isn’t just a chore to get through: it’s something I expect my slaves to immerse themselves in. Plying the mind and body to this thankless domestic drudgery is a time-honored tradition among females in every major civilization, and in my home, this sexist tradition continues: helping to make my world beautiful is an act of service and devotion. Kept nude and barefoot, she is reduced, humbled, and efficient in her labor, her senses enlivened. Her feet feel the floor for crumbs and debris as she walks, her hands are trained to feel, wipe, polish, and scrub, her body in intimate union with the atmosphere of the house. Her exposed flesh is made available for immediate correction, should she so deserve it, and her holes are open for use without notice.”

—Marc Esadrian

Submissive bitch Niki learns the collar, leash, and bind in these classic Humbled Females images, re-posted upon request by the community. Some thoughts relevant to this gallery came to mind when posting it again. You can see in the photos that Niki is kept completely barefoot and nude during her leashing and collaring. This is quite intentional. It is the only way I train my females, especially the ones fit for sexual use. To be forcefully exposed, stripped down to their bare forms, given no material possessions, and restrained like animals inevitably makes them feel vulnerable and more amenable to humbling. It’s also quite pleasing to the male eye when this is practiced with a young and beautiful bitch, arousing his lusts and thus quickening his dominance. As the male of the household, remaining clothed around your female establishes an obvious visual (and psychological) difference in status. Remain so until you decide to penetrate.

A small but sweet video clip displaying general bath service. Penny draws a bath and attends to her master diligently—a devoted servant to his body. We strongly encourage dominant males to spend some intimate alone time like this with their slaves, girls, or submissive wives. It’s a simple, yet effectively bonding moment, allowing the female to express another facet of her love and submission to the man she worships and adores.

Photo by Sally Mann

ex. It is, at once, our greatest pleasure and primordial curse, an animal contract we explore, suppress, exploit, and attempt escaping from one century to the next. The predominant source of this struggle rests in the fantasy of transcendence from the material—a wedge fashioned between flesh and spirit. Medieval canonical codes defining immoral and perverse sexual acts and thoughts resulted, naturally, in a heightened preoccupation with sex and sexuality in civilization down through the centuries—proliferating a distorted obsession with it in politics, psychiatry, medicine, and jurisprudence in Western society to this day.

Sex didn’t begin in 1963, as Philip Larkin’s poem Annus Mirabilis insinuates. We humans and our early ancestors have been having sex for millions of years without the need of religious or societal injunctions, but somewhere along that timeline we began to complicate it with exactly these things: superstitions, unrealistic religious dogma, and an obsession with medicalizing anything beyond the strict boundaries of enforced convention. This culminated in what might be called the darkest age of sexual dysfunction: the stifling conventions, ordinances, reticence, and crude science of the Victorian order. Once slipping out of its complete grip, we arrived upon the first relevant point of the sexual revolution’s modern timeline: the reform of the 1920’s, in which a focus on glamour, leisure, women’s suffrage, and the liberal mingling of the sexes were a part.

The post-World War II era of the 1950s ushered in the rise of suburban culture in America. Consumer production flourished, with Bernaysian advertisers selling an idealized way of life to men and women. If we look back to this often romanticized time captured in surviving film and print media, we see a very different world from our own. Its close ties between naive consumerism, conformity, and antiquated mores is, at once, quaintly charming and eye opening, and we see we see how far we’ve come. When people think about returning to traditional life, in fact, they often time travel back to this particular era in their minds, but in truth the beginnings of these values date back to…

Presenting doll: A fixed position and rigid psychological space where the female serves as a passive sex toy. Marc Esadrian demonstrates the practice and discipline of this modality with Penny, his sublime Asian female. Study the subtleties of this particular mode, where she is reduced to the state of a passive and surrendered object, intimating no will or autonomous agency of her own. In doll, her legs are spread in a wide “v,” painted toes pointed and suspended in the air for maximal aesthetic. Her mouth, popping with red lip gloss, remains open, inviting sexual use at the male’s time and bidding. This form of submission is perfect for times when the male doesn’t want to fuss with giving pleasure—only receiving it, and on his terms. Beneath him, she remains motionless and depersonalized, a living sex toy in the highest state of objectification.

Witness a custom-built cage, made specifically for humans (and preferably of the female variety). Marc Esadrian walks Penny by collar and leash to the cage embedded inside his closet rooms, where she is kept over periods of time to rest, reflect, or await use. Note the simple steel mesh walls of the cage and its rigid construction, as well as its empty furnishings, so as to strip the slave of her human comforts. There are no pillows or blankets here. Clothing is, of course, not allowed. There is absolutely no privacy. She is exposed and vulnerable, with every inch of her flesh on display. Even relieving herself is afforded no refuge, the act becoming a humiliating and degrading experience. We hope this video helps inspire dominant males to conceive of their own cages, as it’s an extremely effective psychological tool in creating a contrast between the master’s agency and the slave’s objectified status.

Penny is introduced to submissive acts, including kissing feet and paying oral homage to her master’s balls. This video is shot in typical Humbled Females style, with the male clothed and the female completely naked and unadorned, keeping her in an animal state. The acts of worship themselves deny any focus upon her own pleasure. Stripped and collared, she is made to show signs of love and worship, sans focus upon her own ego. This video also demonstrates that direct fellatio isn’t always the necessary consummating act: a man can enjoy other areas of stimulation while partaking in dominance over his female. At the end of her training session, Penny must swallow her master’s ejaculate, and is shown back to her dog bed shortly thereafter.

Following her retribution with the cane, Penny is assigned toilet service, where she will remain chained in the bathroom and used for attentive cleaning. Watch as she obediently licks up her master’s urine from the rim, initially gagging from the taste. Over the course of her experience, she begins to adjust to her indefinite fate, servicing the toilet orally until its shiny before returning to the floor, waiting to serve again.

“Love is not a feeling of happiness. Love is a willingness to sacrifice.”
 —Michael Novak

And yet sacrifice, all by itself, can bring such joy….

But let’s be frank. Most women approach and begin slavery with sex, romance, and pleasure on the mind. They’ve had erotic fantasies of a rather unusual sort for many years, they’ve read specialty novels or seen certain movies that strongly affected them. Or maybe they knew someone who whipped his girlfriend for fun and thought that was the hottest thing they’d ever heard of. Maybe they experienced intense longing to be tied up and used or felt something deep within them twinge when they saw online personal ads from masters seeking slaves. It’s very common to find references to dominance and submission in social media these days, and, even if it is only a joke or a meme, it can still be deeply arousing if it strikes a deep chord in a female or awakens a longing. The horse that brings a woman to the doorway of slavery is mostly composed of an intense desire for taboo sex and dark, exhilarating romance. Before she crosses that portal into slavery, however, the slave must dismount and stable that powerful, driven creature, the drives and longings that brought her to this point. While intense sex has its place in these sorts of relationships, a new slave can’t always bring every raging personal desire and favorite private fantasy across the threshold and into her master’s abode with her. The fact is, these desires often will not fit: they are too big, too aggressive, too rough to be led into a place of calm, quiet, controlled beauty. Instead, a new slave quickly discovers that everything, including the sex, will, from now on, be done His Way. That’s not to say that there isn’t a lot of intense, erotic, dark sex in a female slave’s future, but that included with it will be…

Penny has been forgetting basic verbal protocol while attempting to serve. Though humble and sweet, she’s also rather forgetful and seems to lose focus when away and communicating on her phone in text. Even in the flesh, she sometimes forgets her manners, of not remembering to say, “yes, Sir,” “no Sir,” or “thank you, Sir,” when the time is appropriate. These transgressions of respect are dealt with by Marc Esadrian, wielding the cane in tandem with enforcing rote speech drills. All intent in the female to serve being pure and properly driven, the disciplinary forces of repetition and pain are the keys to success in teaching consistent obedience. Open and pliant, she becomes like clay, shaping herself under the weight of her Sir’s teachings.

Like many I have encountered here on Humbled Females, my first foray with D/s was through what we call the BDSM community. I had harbored submissive inclinations from an early age, but kept them to myself due, mostly, to confusion and shame. As a young adult in the earlier years of the Internet, I inevitably found online versions of the BDSM world: I was thrilled and relieved that there were others I thought to be like myself! I finally had words like “submissive” and “masochistic” to label personal qualities that had been so confusing to me as I navigated my early days. I had the word “dominant” to describe the type of man to whom I was attracted. I was at last encountering men who wanted to treat me in the very ways I had desired and fantasized about for years.

The online world quickly led to in-person connections. I became part of the local BDSM community group, which was still unique and relatively rare at that time in the 1990’s. I experienced my first enslavement at the age of 26 to a master much older than myself. Though my first master was also part of the local BDSM culture, we were never part of its “scene.” He was a traditional man who didn’t seek out the limelight or the social spotlight, save for an occasional outing on a weekend to change things up. Mostly, he kept me in his apartment for sex, beatings, and domestic service, and I was quite happy to serve him this way.

The relationship ended when he decided to resume a relationship with a former slave, closer to his own age and background, which resulted in their marriage. I was cast aside. And, I was lost on my own. Going from slave to not-slave is an experience I wouldn’t wish on any girl, ever. To fill the void left by my former master, I clung to what I had left…

There is giving a blowjob and then there is servicing a man, by sucking, licking, and deep-throating exactly the way he commands. Sadie provides Marc Esadrian with enthusiastic and obedient oral pleasure—selfless and single-minded. We hope this video helps to inspire other masters and dominant men to use their females with no pretense, to enjoy them unapologetically and without reservation, for there is nothing more beautiful than a submissive female paying homage to the male phallus in the pure spirit of servitude.

“One went to the door of the Beloved and knocked.
A voice asked: ‘Who is there?’ He answered: ‘It is I.’
The voice said: ‘There is no room here for me and thee.’
The door was shut.

After a year of solitude and deprivation
this man returned to the door of the Beloved.
He knocked.
A voice from within asked: ‘Who is there?’
The man said: ‘It is Thou.’
The door was opened for him.”
—Rumi

The Situation

Imagine you’re walking in a torrential rainstorm on a dark forested hill. You’ve been hiking for hours and your legs ache. It’s approaching winter and the weather is cold and bleak. Due to the low, heavy clouds and thickening mist, you’re not really sure where you are. Heavy raindrops are striking the leaves, making a pleasant hissing sound. While you appreciate the beautiful vista of windswept trees and low patches of fog lingering on the hills below the forbidding purple sky, it is getting dark, starting to storm, and you are wet, cold, hungry, and exhausted. Every few minutes you think you hear rolling thunder and sometimes a lightning strike displays the darkening landscape. You really wish you were sitting by a crackling fire at this moment, with a hot meal in front of you and perhaps a good book or pleasant companion to accompany it, comfortably listening to the rain hit the roof and windows outside this warm, safe shelter…

Sadie scrubs her master’s bathroom floors clean with love and devotion. This video is more inspirational than informative, an attempt at capturing the domestic essence of the ideal humbled female: nude, collared, and carrying the marks of recent discipline upon her flesh. For there are no coddled princesses in this world: the female not only fulfills the image of submission, but its utilitarian function for the master.

“The rights that others have over you—remember them.
The rights that you have over others—forget them.”
—Sayedna Ali

Having lived as a slave for many years with two unusually charismatic and dominant men, I have had opportunity to see a wide range of bad behavior from many of the women attracted to them. Some had convinced themselves that they were slaves, after never entertaining the idea before, largely due to their attraction toward or obsession with a strong, dominant male. They wanted a particular man, but their hearts weren’t in the right place. Instead, they wanted to be slaves in order to feed some need for specialness, attention, and glory, not because they loved to serve a man they adored. One, a female who tried to copy one master’s poetic writing style with disastrous results (her formerly clear online posts no longer made any sense and became all show, with no substance or meaning) even pretentiously tried to sell herself as the “intellectual partner you’ve never had” ignoring the facts that he didn’t usually choose slaves for their intellect but on the few occasions he did, he chose genuinely subservient females with sharper intellects than hers. I’ve also seen similar behavior online, in social media, and even in myself, with my first master. I’d like to distill from these experiences some of the behaviors, attitudes, and thoughts that characterize bad slaves, in the hopes this will be of use to potential masters trying to ascertain how compatible a female is with actual service and submission.

Many articles on Humbled Females deal with the smaller mistakes that women who want to be slaves sometimes commit and describe how to recover from them. This article is different. It depicts a type of female who has no business even considering slavery. No suggestions for improvement are going to be provided because she’s not the type who would listen to them or apply them to herself. Instead, this article is primarily intended for men, particularly potential masters. It provides extensive descriptions of attitudes and behaviors that, if observed in a woman, should tell one in no uncertain terms that this individual is not slave material. She is either confused or, even more likely in this female-worshiping age, just looking for another way to feed her enormous ego, add another feather to her vanity cap, and prove to herself just how very marvelous she is.

I’ve written the first part of this article from a somewhat tongue-in-cheek perspective. It amuses me to imagine that there would be females out there who desperately want to become the worst slaves ever to their masters, and would be looking for a handbook to help them achieve that goal. Unfortunately, most genuinely bad slaves will never, as long as they live, admit to themselves or to anyone else that they are bad. One consistent personality flaw that all really bad slaves seem to share is an enormous capacity for…

Marc Esadrian trains a female on some rudimentary positions and how to ambulate properly on all fours while leashed. There are many variations to positions, commands, and routines: each man will train his female according to his taste. The focus in this documentation is the female’s complete nudity, obedience, and coerced animal state, where human dignity is removed. This sets the stage for reducing countervailing influences of the ego, allowing the rote lessons to find deeper impact. In this method of training, there is only the whip, the leash, and the master’s command. The female is quite responsive to this training, as documented in this video: she exudes positivity and attention to commands. Stripped naked and removed from the distraction of everyday trappings, she obeys reliably and with a light attitude.

Maya, a childless woman in her late 20s, hopes to become Richard’s slave one day. She and Richard met online and have had a couple of wonderful visits, but they live miles apart and for now the relationship is mostly conducted remotely. This is her first experience with enslavement. It’s frustrating and hard to live apart from one’s master, but Maya feels it is worth it, and understands that merging their lives together will take time.

Richard, 34, is very strict with her, despite the fact that they do not yet live together, and, under his rule, Maya performs a great many duties and tasks she never had to do before. Instead of letting her apartment go for days or weeks until she feels in the mood for cleaning, she must keep it spotless: clean up the kitchen after every meal and wash the dishes; vacuum, dust, and clean the bathroom once a week; throw out trash on a daily basis; and so on. She is also required to watch her weight, exercise five times a week, not drink nearly as much as she used to, and perform numerous odd jobs for him that sometimes cause her to miss her former free time and recreations. Everything in her life has changed and, most recently, she has been required to reduce her spending and send a part of her income to Richard every month. She is no longer allowed to spend money on clothes, makeup, wine or cocktails, entertainment, or other non-essentials without permission—she must run these all by Richard first. Even though she knows this discipline and cutting back is for her own good and preparing her for the rigors of slavery, a small secret part of her has begun to feel…

Download the Humbled Females Primer and enjoy an in-depth overview of the ethos that is this community’s foundation. A dissertation on the sexes follows a brief overview of the Humbled Females effort since its inception in 2005, after which attention will be given to describing, more than in previous efforts, what constitutes the dominant male and submissive female archetype, as idealized in our particular forum. This document is vital to members of our community who wish to truly understand and embrace the philosophical underpinnings of the humbled female way of life. It’s available to review at any time on this site for free with a paying membership.

Artwork © Samantha Keely Smith

Over the past years, I’ve had the unique if not undesirable opportunity to put my finger directly upon the pulse of the American judicial system where it relates to family law—one of the most contentious hells of legal Jeopardy there is. It’s a busy intersection where deeply personal, near endless quarrel between blackened hearts meets the capitalistic exploitation of lawyering in the firmament that is law. It’s a realm where bizarre, unpredictable things tend to happen, where logic isn’t necessarily relevant, and facts can be less important than fiction—a realm made even more bizarre and unpredictable when you dare throw D/s lifestyle practices into the mix. My story and expressed opinions in this article, which involve exactly those things, begins in a little town in the United States, where a particularly unhappy woman—let’s call her Lisa—found herself having quite enough of the mental and physical abuse she claimed to have suffered at the hands of what we might objectively call a narcissistic sociopath. In her headstrong and subsequently wayward youth, Lisa insisted on doggedly pursuing a relationship with this man, ignoring the many recurring warnings from others to do otherwise, out of the mistaken belief that his manipulativeness and cruel treatment amounted to good dominance in a male. Many years and three kids later, she finally realized that her husband (who, among many awful and despicable acts, allegedly kicked her in the stomach when pregnant with his own daughter and even threatened to kill her) was unfit to stay with any longer. I’m not certain when the line was finally crossed for her, but when it was, she plotted to move out when he was off at work one day. And so she quietly slipped away, taking very little of her own possessions, to start a new life away from her husband, at any cost.

Soon we’ll be publishing an article about a lost cause: an egotistical schemer of a woman who is blind to her own faults and imagines herself to be the most exemplary servant of love who ever lived, when she is actually a pestilence to any man who decides to try showing her what grace in submission is. That article, “How to be a Bad Slave,” should not be confused with this one which, although its descriptions of female behavior may sound bad, is not one-tenth as horrific as the depictions of that paragon of deception described in the title above. If the female in that other article could be described as committing felony after felony, we’d have to say that, in comparison, what follows here are misdemeanors. That is not to say that there are no overlaps between the two articles. Often bad slaves start in bad ways. Sometimes there is an assumption, a miscalculation, an oversight, or a hidden personality flaw described in what follows that becomes the point of origin for something much worse in the relationship later on down the road.

Below are ten of the most common pathways to deceit and self-sabotage women walk when attempting to show submission to men, particularly with the intent to serve as slaves. This list comes from years of empirical experience in dealing with such women from the perspectives of a…

Acceptance in submission (and of one’s submission) can be viewed as a work of art that is never finished and whose canvas is the human heart. When thinking of subservient women, this word brings to mind a shimmering oil painting composed of intense, positive attitudes onto which each humbled female’s consciousness casts her own particular hues. Within that shifting, beautiful canvas there is, for instance, the warm glowing shade of simple accomplishment. This is what a devoted female feels when she attempts something hard that she’s been ordered to do and does it fully, without complaint or reservation. There is often the solid and secure awareness that she is exactly where she should be in life, exactly where she belongs. There may be a deep sense of gratitude that, due to lucky coincidence, she met the man that she now serves, this man who so perfectly meets her strongest emotional needs. Then there’s the incredibly powerful sense of emotional security that a woman who needs ownership and control feels when she is truly owned and controlled. There’s also the near-blissful experience of giving generously and unstintingly of herself, no matter how hard it is, knowing that her energy, efforts, and sacrifices help to make her man’s life better. Some women feel a cleansing release from the pressure of having to make all of the decisions in life. It feels so good not to have to steer one’s own course through the world’s dangerous and troubled waters. A woman’s acceptance of…

“—No! this face is only a mask,
A wicked ornament,
Illuminated by an exquisite grimace.
Look and see, atrociously contorted,
The real head, and the sincere face
Turned back under the shadow
Of the face which lies.”

—Charles Baudelaire

When the Internet started gaining critical mass in 1998, a new era had dawned upon human beings: for the first time in history, scores of people could link anonymously to each other through shared interests online and it was not long before the notion of finding mates through this portal was explored by the most daring of pioneers. At first, the idea of finding a significant other through a computer network was dismissed as the province of techies and cloistered social dysfunctionals. Fast-forwarding another decade would prove that stigma to be entirely removed. Within the span of a handful of years, Internet dating had not only shuffled off its disreputable image, but became the norm.

Today, people have access to a vast pool of potential suitors they would never have been able to reach with slow and short-ranged traditional methods. In the digital sphere, powerful search tools augment the predictive match of strangers online across a wide collection of matchmaking sites. The “science” of this matchmaking may not be all that provable, and, currently, the success rate is under pretty strong contention. One study claims that marriages resulting from online first-encounters are more successful than marriages that began in traditional offline venues.¹ Yet another goes on to completely contradict that finding and determines that break-ups happen more frequently with online dating.² Whatever the true success story of online courting turns out to be, the fact that that the Internet is widely used to find significant others is irrefutable in that it is so deeply embedded in our tech-laden culture. This is not to say that finding romantic interests online is easy, by any stretch of the imagination. The effort usually takes a tremendous amount of time and patience (if not money) while sifting through inactive member profiles and incompatible matches. Worst of all are the shady hoaxes and online romance scams one may encounter on slick matchmaking sites. To put that problem in a little more perspective, a British Study in 2012 estimated that 230,000 people were successfully duped by Internet predators feigning love interest, and the crimes, involving money in some shape or form, cost England nearly $60 billion a year.³ In America, digital romance scams have become so widespread that the FBI released a cautionary press report on the matter.⁴

Who This Is For

You sincerely wanted to be possessed by a man, not just by any man but by a strong, dominant man you could admire, respect, and even worship. So you ratcheted up your courage and approached such a man when he became visible to you, understanding that if you didn’t, you might never meet him—or anyone as good as him—as he’s likely not the type who chases women down. And, to your joy and gratification, he responded to you, he took your desire to get to know him and possibly serve him seriously. Now, while not “his” yet, you are beginning an exploration with him, or, as he puts it, you are “under his observation.”

So what happens next? You’ve won the prize, right? You’ve been accepted by the man of your dreams, you’ve done one of the hardest things in your life by approaching him first, and now all should be smooth sailing from here on end, particularly as he begins to realize, in turn, how much of a prize you are and how he wants and needs you. Well, maybe. In the heady rush of the start of a new relationship, many a submissive woman forgets that the hardest part is not over. She makes the fatal mistake of seeing this new relationship, perhaps with the first strong, dominant man she has ever encountered, as just like any other relationship: he’ll shortly fall in love with her beauty and purity or, at very least, become entranced with her feminine charms, while she just sits back and enjoys the romance, letting him drive.

I recently stumbled upon an amusing Glamour.com article offering some advice to women about how to attract a man and get him to approach them. In it, women are advised to smile a lot, radiate positive energy, and avoid hanging out in groups, for, as the article goes on to explain, “men are terrified to approach a big group of girls.”

We knew this from the outset of the article, anyway, where it asserted that “men are total wusses when it comes to approaching women.” But the ultimate pearl of wisdom gleaned from the author, shocking in its progressive daring, came from the advice that women should be “easy to approach, but hard to obtain!” Not that this deviates one iota from what women have been told all along since, well, I or anyone else can remember: such attitudes regurgitated over and over reflect the common mores of culture where it comes to courting. But in a world where equality between the sexes is now rigidly upheld as right and good, such convenient gynocentrism about dating and mating only manages to come across as yet another odd double standard churned out from the cultural Bermuda Triangle that is modern female entitlement: serenely self-satisfied women indifferently wait and men do the work (and take the risks) in approaching first. It’s an idea many of us have accepted as “natural.”

“But that’s how it has always been,” one young lady caught up in this discussion with me apologetically protests. “Someone has to be the pursuer and if we waited for women all the time, well…I think there’d be a hell of a lot less people on the planet.” I can’t say she’s necessarily wrong that men are naturally driven to pursue things in different ways than women, and it’s true that many men seem to enjoy the thrill of the hunt where it comes to sexual pursuits, but is this to say women don’t have strong sex drives of their own? Is it to say they don’t necessarily care about finding relationships as much as men? Only a fool who knew nothing about women, or a blinkered young lady completely oblivious to entitlements of her sex, would assume so.

A while ago a poster in our forums started a thread about “Wise Women.” She provided a web page example posted on a religious outreach site that offered marriage counseling and advice. I was struck by the plenitude of wisdom on that web page and thought a Humbled Females version of such basic truths would be useful. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this site’s key principle, humbleness, is very much akin to what that web page was calling wisdom.

It’s very interesting how these two terms are so often synonymous, not just for women wanting to serve men but for anyone who seeks to improve themselves or who seeks something greater than themselves. Humility or humbleness goes hand-in-hand with traits such as a willingness to learn—particularly from one’s mistakes, open-mindedness, understanding, being alert to one’s surroundings and the people in them, and being self-critical in order to become self-knowing. All of these are traits traditionally associated with wisdom. The converse is also true: with egotism, narcissism, vanity, and overweening self-regard so often comes perceptual blindness, stupidity, vulnerability to flattery, and ignorance of what is actually going on around oneself or, even worse, inside oneself.

This article samples a few of the core passages from the religious website’s page that struck me as particularly relevant to those who visit Humbled Females and then expands upon them a bit. Before beginning, it may be important to reiterate that Humbled Females is secular and does not endorse any particular religion, but should we find valuable information in a religious source we won’t hesitate to use it. There are, however, some significant differences between that website’s approach and the approach taken here and I’d like to lay these out at the beginning before displaying its treasures.

At Humbled Females, we often speak a great deal about authentic submissiveness in women and how to best channel and hone it. This is necessary, as female submission is a subject of tremendous breadth and scope. Much more can and will be written of it, but in this article, I’m going to do something that deviates from the trend of our publications, thus far: I’m going to address men.

That’s right. If you’re a male and happen to think of yourself as “dominant” (or wish to be) and you’re reading this, my message in this article is directed to you. I’m also addressing males who don’t necessarily think of themselves as dominant, but find themselves wandering the digital halls of this site, regardless. My friends, it seems to me that something has to change in the way many of us relate to and interact with the female sex. Many of us men seem to be found wanting where it comes to projecting the depth, power, and confidence that marks an authentically dominant male. So very many men, in fact, seem so very weak and pliable when tested. It’s possible you might not be the type of person I’m speaking of in this body of text, and if so, I suspect you’ll still have little to no difficulty recalling any number of occasions in which you’ve seen other men make fools of themselves in their bids to acquire members of the female sex or keep them under their control.

To all the male readers, seasoned or green, I simply ask this: are you in control of your desires or do your desires have a tendency to ride roughshod over you, instead? A simple question, it seems, but below the surface, it points toward something a little more complex. On the genomic level, we are never free of desire, of course, for to be free of it would mean we’d be dead. But what I’m getting at, particularly, is the ability to still your thoughts and modify your urges, to channel them and hone them as a complimentary mirror to what we desire in the female sex. Put more plainly, for a woman to surrender to a man’s dominance, there must first be an understanding of dominance in the man. There must be an understanding and successful application of control, not only of her, but of himself. I’m bringing all this up because, frankly, I see a lot of men doing some pretty silly stuff under the assumed mantle of dominance, a mantle which is often little more than a cheaply painted veneer, a prop to give the appearance of mastery, but not much more than that, once one cuts gently below the surface to reveal the tender flesh of inadequacy.

Have you ever seen a cat on a fireplace mantle or other high place swat a nearby object over the edge just to see what happens when it falls down? People who own cats quickly learn about this tendency and stop putting anything fragile in a high place that a cat could jump to. Human female activity in the emotional realm sometimes reminds me of this feline behavior. Sometimes women will swat at the emotions of the ones they love just to see what will happen. Unfortunately, the damage a woman can cause when seeing if “something” will break when she pushes it over the edge has far more serious and extensive consequences than the breaking of a physical object. And the behavior is often far less innocent than a cat’s.

When a woman in a conventional relationship pushes someone close to her over the emotional edge, she sometimes does so with subterfuge. She creates a false story, an enactment in which she is the innocent victim feeling honest emotions and he is the evil villain, the bumbling incompetent, or both who makes everything so much worse. These false dramas remind me of puppet shows, with the woman skillfully hidden behind the stage, pulling the strings of all who walk across it. Even humbled females may attempt to enact these dramas with the men they’ve sworn to respect and obey. Such behavior, if it’s not noticed or stopped, has the effect of subverting or even destroying constructive, peaceful male-led relationships.

Why do women engage in this sort of tinkering when it inevitably leads to stress, grief, anger, and sometimes terrible consequences for themselves or the ones they supposedly love? This article attempts to answer that question by examining some of the ways in which females, even humbled females, mischievously mess with otherwise happy situations, and, in the process of doing so, do harm to their relationships.

Obedience, to me, is a living breathing thinking creature that, like any animal, interacts with its environment in complex ways. Deconstruction suggests tearing off the wings off a bird in order to learn how it flies. And that’s not a very “constructive” approach, is it? I don’t want to deconstruct living obedience in that sense but I do want to examine more closely what it is. I think that by understanding obedience better, I can better serve a man someday.

What inspired me to write this? Well, to be honest, certain discussions I read on the web really bother me. I cannot name who or where because when consulting management about writing this article, I was told to avoid “naming names,” but I can characterize them a bit. Maybe some of you have read similar threads and will know exactly what I am talking about.

In such threads, someone asks questions like these: What does it mean to serve a man? What does it feel like to you? How does it make you happy? How does it make you sad? Some women answer these questions with answers that seem superficially profound in their simplicity. But to me, such answers are more often profoundly meaningless.

“If love was a choice, who would ever choose such exquisite pain?”
—Lady Tuptim

The curtain opens on a classic scene from a movie. It might be The King and I or something similar. The scene occurs in a lush, luxurious harem where a Western woman is speaking with the Asian first wife of the king. The first wife lives in this harem with dozens of other girls, many of whom are much younger and more beautiful than she. The first wife and mother of the heir to the throne is trying to to explain to the strangely independent Western visitor what her life is like. She wraps her story in a metaphor:

Once upon a time there was a mighty oak tree and nearby grew a tiny sapling. The tiny sapling loved the large oak tree and basked in its attention. It grew taller and stronger, contemplating the mighty oak and taking comfort in its benevolent attention. But, as time passed, many more saplings sprouted between the first little tree and the mighty oak. They, too, grew tall and strong and eventually the first sapling could no longer see her beloved oak. There were too many other trees between her and him. Likewise, the oak no longer saw her, as he was focused on the newer saplings closer to him. The little tree grew increasingly sad and lonely.

Classy, feminine, and stylish ladies. Remember them? Vestiges of these women often speak to us from old vintage posters, photographs, movies, and paintings, reminding us of a once lovely classic femininity. Granted, class itself isn’t dead today, but if you think about it for even a moment, you’ll no doubt admit the feminine spirit of class has changed since the days of Audrey Hepburn and other well known icons of the past. It so often seems the energetic desire to please and pursue light-footed elegance has been supplanted by a slightly belligerent, if not stoic narcissism. Some might not find that particularly wrong, but I sometimes wonder what was so wrong with that traditional spirit once so celebrated.

Perhaps the classic aesthetic and the politics surrounding it represent a concept of restriction for women—but I have to ask if the near-palpable arrogance of the billboard femme fatale celebrated today is a freedom that’s wise to aspire toward for a woman hoping to truly please a man. Beauty is, without question, celebrated in our age, but it seems conventions of good manners and virtue are all but forgotten among so many today, and not just young women. It’s true that the norms have changed over the generations and this does cause confusion. Meanings of things sometimes do change, but that change doesn’t always mean we need to embrace it.