August 18, 2020

Humbled Females: new forum reply to Silence

New reply from OdinsFlower

<p><em>This has always been an issue for me… a disconnection between my heart and my mouth when anger arises. </em></p>
<p>This is seen as being reactive.</p>
<p>I think w with safe people, meaning trustworthy on all accounts, the suggestions you'd proposed for yourself can work rather well(even if it is an active choice each time/process).</p>
<p>The problem I have found as someone who's moldable, submissive, and quiet(meek), is that there can be people who "seem nice" while they behave in covertly controling,manipulative ways(that arent an owner).</p>
<p>It is something I caution.</p>
<p>As yes ,*how one reacts in those situations should be a careful process*, but if someone isn't my owner, something you precieve as anger from self, is a natural defense to being manipulated or boundary stomped or controlled by *people outside of owner*.</p>
<p>So that first "angry feeling*, may not be your being reactive as you lead yourself to believe when being self blaming .</p>
<p>But rather being self protective in an appropriate time.</p>
<p>The question becomes about recognizing that, so it can't be deflected unto you, for having a reasonable reaction considering you didn't consent to that with that person.</p>
<p>What you can control then, is channeling that, to a firm yet calm conversation where you practice appropriate boundaries with said person.</p>
<p>I bring this up,as many submissive people aren't just submissive in the context of their owners.</p>
<p>The more they come to terms with their nature, the more apt they can be to squashing themselves down to submit to people who they didn't choose to submit to.</p>
<p>Sometimes this has already been happening but subconciously and the submissive party realizes "hey I didn't consent to this from you, only from owner".</p>
<p>It is likely and often people outside of this owner already have interactions and history where they control,manipulate, condition, even if it isn't obvious to the submissive person because of the long standing history of reactions being a set way between the controling individual(s) and the submissive women.</p>
<p>It bears mentioning since, families or folks can do this in a way that feels non obvious, confusing, and uncomfortable but unclear.</p>
<p>So much so that the submissive women's reactions may be treated as "you're having a temper", to distract from the fact that she's uncomfortable for *good reason*.</p>
<p>I say this,just in case your owner needs to evaluate the nature and intent of those around you, over time.</p>
<p>To be sure, it is really "your temper"and not "others around you outside of owner trying to continue their control over you in small or big ways".</p>
<p>As those and that control belong to him now.</p>
<p>The tools you're practicing are great and important to be sure and needed even when someone outside of owner is boundary stomping.</p>
<p>I just think it's important to bring up, since the sort of drama and distress that can come of being pulled in multiple directions by indirectly controling family wouldn't lead to a healthy perception of relations, people,situations or self.</p>
<p>I doubt an owner would want that for you.</p>
<p>Just a thought.</p>
<p> </p>

Original Post by emergingessence


<p>Have any of you practiced extended silence, either because you’ve been told to, or for yourself?</p>
<p>After a particularly horrible verbal argument with my sister recently, I realised I could do with learning to respect my choice of words much better. This has always been an issue for me… a disconnection between my heart and my mouth when anger arises. <br />It occurred to me that perhaps a period of practiced silence could be a good thing. Having to learn to listen better, without the process of thinking about how to respond. Learning to make conversation not about what I have to say. Learning to make arguments not about who “wins.” Hopefully even leading to learning to let go of even believing there’s a need to argue. Learning to deal with my anger at not feeling heard. I think in general, mostly just removing myself from the equation for a while, to learn better how to understand.<br /><br /></p>
<p>I can convince myself that any weird plan is a good plan, so I have come to realise that it’s a good idea to run it by people more level headed than I am. That is everyone here :D<br /><br /></p>
<p>Even if you haven’t any experience with this, do you have any thoughts or suggestions? Does it seem like too much of a simple connection? (words are the problem so take them away). </p>

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