August 18, 2020

Humbled Females: new forum reply to Silence

New reply from Kahuna

<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote">A disconnection between my heart and my mouth when anger arises.</div>
<p>This tendency is universally true for all of us. Arguments fueled by anger are not the same as ordinary disagreements, sparked by differing opinion. Am not sure silence is the best approach. Perhaps females process things too differently from Men for this to be effective, but to control anger I would advise that you practice of mindfulness, identify the triggers for your anger, and then adjust your conversation and behavior accordingly, so as not to create regretful actions or words. For me, the best way to control my words and actions as I become aware of my anger, is to begin to moving and responding much more slowly, giving myself time to properly consider my response in the fog of my anger. I try to give my actions and words the "Positivity Test". Simply consider if my words or actions are likely to have a positive or negative affect toward attaining the goal of peaceful resolution. There is no winning arguments  fueled by anger. Everybody loses. </p>
<p>Hope this perspective helps. </p>

Original Post by emergingessence


<p>Have any of you practiced extended silence, either because you’ve been told to, or for yourself?</p>
<p>After a particularly horrible verbal argument with my sister recently, I realised I could do with learning to respect my choice of words much better. This has always been an issue for me… a disconnection between my heart and my mouth when anger arises. <br />It occurred to me that perhaps a period of practiced silence could be a good thing. Having to learn to listen better, without the process of thinking about how to respond. Learning to make conversation not about what I have to say. Learning to make arguments not about who “wins.” Hopefully even leading to learning to let go of even believing there’s a need to argue. Learning to deal with my anger at not feeling heard. I think in general, mostly just removing myself from the equation for a while, to learn better how to understand.<br /><br /></p>
<p>I can convince myself that any weird plan is a good plan, so I have come to realise that it’s a good idea to run it by people more level headed than I am. That is everyone here :D<br /><br /></p>
<p>Even if you haven’t any experience with this, do you have any thoughts or suggestions? Does it seem like too much of a simple connection? (words are the problem so take them away). </p>

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