July 2, 2020

Humbled Females: new forum reply to Complacency

New reply from Nina E.

<p>I agree with others, this is an excellent question and there are a lot of different answers to it.<br /><br /><em>"What does it mean to you not to be complacent either in your submission or in waiting to earn a dominant man's attention?"</em></p>
<p>For the second half of the question it means you are proactive, no matter how scary it feels to be the one to make the first move. When I found a man who really interested me, I approached Him, very humbly and obsequiously.  While I was something of a "name" on a message board we both frequented, I didn't ever expect him to approach me first or even notice me. I knew I'd have to make the first move, and not sit back lazily and complacently writing cool posts and waiting for Him to wake up and pay attention to me. To me, waiting for the male to approach you first is complacency, no matter how much you tell yourself The Big Female Lie (oh, it's because I'm so very, very shy and timid!). No sale–at least to another female (and to certain men, the kind who tend to be masters) who knows this head game, and many others like it, inside and out.  The waiting  part should come much later: when you are finally talking with the object of your deepest desires and cravings, then you wait for him to respond to you, sometimes for long periods, but without ever trying to play that sick little game of least interest. If he contacts you, you get back in touch–immediately, as soon as you're aware of it. You automatically assume (and correctly, if he's genuinely dominant) that he has the least interest, always and always will in any future you might share with him, and that it is you that must win his attention. <br /><br />Not being complacent in submission to me also means being proactive, but in different ways: while not overstepping one's bounds or breaking any rules, you go over and beyond the call of duty to please him in various things because you love the fact that you're making his life quality or personal enjoyment a little better by doing so. Including those times when this man wants you to be invisible. Then you feel good about being invisible because it gives him the peace and quiet he wants.  In order to be able to do this successfully and not just impose your own  personal obsessions, interests, and desires on him, even if they're masochistic,  you have to listen very closely to what he says, especially about what he likes and dislikes, and you remember these things, whatever they are about, and keep your eyes open for submissive (non-pushy and also not-quietly-manipulative) ways to fulfill these things when it seems appropriate rather than forcing them upon him on your own timetable. Sometimes you will guess right, sometimes you won't. A complacent self-satisfied female will be shocked if her man doesn't appreciate something The Great and Wonderful Her has done, but a smarter submissive female takes this in stride: just because he likes something doesn't mean he likes it every time it happens or if it happens too much…or if it happens at the wrong time. Even the best of jokes wear off, alas….although it is kind of funny how you can keep certain ones going for years and years, lol. <br /><br />Not being complacent also means being alert, aware of your surroundings, aware of Him especially, aware of when things change, not just blindly and habitually barging through life doing the same old things no matter what is going on around you, rudely imposing your personal will and sense of rightness on everything in your environment, including him. Complacency is a quality that is very close to sleep. Its opposite is alert, calm awakeness, watchfulness but not nervousness, constant awareness of one's surroundings and other people, attention to details and to one's environment…often because you find it all so very interesting. Being here now is what we used to call it in the hippie days. Those who are deeply complacent often seem to be sleepwalking through life, and it shows in the chaos, mess, or disappointment these unconscious ones tend to leave in their wakes.<br /><br /><em>"I have a feeling that complacency is different from laziness"</em><br /><br />Good point. There's  definitely a fine line between the two, but it can be hard to tell the difference because often a person with one of these traits also has the other, so it's easy to conflate or confuse them. Complacency, for me, has more of a sense of self-satisfaction or self-love to it. It's definitely a worse poison because it protects and justifies itself with its neverending self-absorption and self-referencing. Laziness is more pure of a vice, lol. You aren't thinking about yourself overmuch, you just don't want to do something you regard as work. You find such things unfun. In my experience (don't ask how I know :-/) you can trick your mind into thinking not fun things are fun…and if you do this enough, pretty soon you are not lazy. In fact, you find yourself volunteering for activities that you would have earlier thought of as tedious or difficult or boring beyond belief. Laziness is also more of a temporary state (like the proverbial laziness of teenagers who later become very industrious adults), something you experience from time to time, or something you outgrow. It might have some sort of use to us during development, seeing as most people go through at least one stage in which it is quite prominent.  Complacency, however, reminds me of a strangling vine: once it gets its many self-referential tendrils in your brain, it can suck the energy and interest you once took in life, in others, and in the outside world, in anything different than what's already in one's head, completely out of you. Complacency can choke and stifle whatever parts of you were once alive, awake, and living fully, and, more importantly, makes you oblivious to the dangers that surround us all, whether we deign to acknowledge them or not. A little fear may be good for the soul and even offer protection to the body, I think.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></p>


Original Post by _daisy_


<p>In response to another iteration of the bromide "Submission is earned" on twitter, I saw that Humbled females answered thus: Dominance is also earned and not by complacently waiting for the perfect man to fix you.</p>
<p>What does it mean to you not to be complacent either in your submission or in waiting to earn a dominant man's attention? What does it mean for the men? What work is best done by herself on herself?</p>

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