August 17, 2020

Humbled Females: new forum reply to Hello World

New reply from teejayel

<p>Re: your comments to me:</p>
<p>I'd suggest that you have less any "negative parts" to correct than a healthy sense of caution that you can progressively relax. It may be true that some are able to obtain instant response, but for example, there is one woman I have known (Biblically) who was submissive faster than I could be assertive (at that time and with insufficient knowledge of her) despite it being in certain respects by far the hottest date of my life. We remain pen friends and with the knowledge I have (of her) now (and with my personal circumstances having changed – no longer bereaved) there would be small(er) problem, but at the time she said that she didn't feel submissive to me. (Which given the circumstances of our date was mildly amazing). And yet, the same ab initio treatment would probably have been unacceptable to <em>all</em> others I have known. And if unacceptable means without consent, you have problems. </p>
<p>My main relationship developed slowly (especially in the absence of internet resource) such that I was reasonably sure of her before moving at each stage. At the end, what was permitted in her regard (one to one, no externals) and how she saw herself was a<em> complete contrast</em> to when I first met her, and if tried from the start would have ended the relationship. In her case her love, trust and submission developed hand-in-hand. A desire is one thing, but it's a big thing for a girl to indulge it, since she cedes control over how things develop and must trust both you <em>and herself. </em>It's a somewhat bigger new territory for her; in effect it invests her use as a sex object and<em> servant</em> with more importance than her independence as a person or rights of choice. It is in parallel from the move from virginity to the knowing sexuality of a mature sexually active girl. It is quite a mature choice for a female to agree that her sexuality should no longer be subject to her control and develop according to another's whim. </p>
<p>Our relationship and marriage lasted 24 years (and would last still) but it developed over the 30 months prior to consent, the 8 further months before wedlock and at least 5 years after that. in the early days, a few risks were taken that might have ended things (I gauged my actions from the response in her eyes), but proved instead to intensify them. Nothing is risk free. I recommend a bit of "tidal" dominance: always be prepared to retreat to a lower level until she is ready. I repeat, where we ended was not where we started. She did not recognize the girl she was before and, <em>even so</em>, would never have sought out a site like this (because it was to her "us" and private).</p>
<p>Re your comments 1) <em>"She is very keen, but is finding it hard to let her guard down."</em> 2) <em>"I have not been consistent and this has developed into a sense of insecurity that things will never change."</em></p>
<p>By contrast, my latest was self-aware enough to find sites like this. Our relationship is so far restricted by being over a dozen short holidays as we live 400 miles apart. Your comment No.1 becomes pertinent. I moved her very quickly through and beyond my previous experience. When she enjoys it, she's very keen, but if s<em>he is not given attention</em> she kicks back or when I impose what she has loved when she is not in the mood, her submission is in poor grace. Partially, this is because we do not live together and partially it is because inner-control is her last bastion. A woman not in a live-in relationship needs great self-control to indulge her instinct to submit. And also, she needs to know that you care about and for her after all she has done for you. A case in point: after an extremely submissive session, she was perhaps looking forward to some companionable care (which was indeed coming). But before that, I put her on her knees in the bathroom, well within her consent, but which she hated because she had just come out of the mood (which was specifically why I'd done it). 20 minutes later, she was on her knees again in the dining room and loving it. In her case, she needs to be taken to the point where not only is her need for residual control removed but where any assertion of it feels unnatural. This would be a product mixture of the more "caring" subtext of a continuous relationship (were she to move in, for example) and her gentle further education. I've already noted that where she's kicked back and I have taken notice there has been the occasional issue. At the end of a long talk, I said that the answer was that I would promise never to treat her as an equal again. </p>
<p>Your comment No.2 suggests that if she is finding it hard to let her guard down you have been responding at face value. Our first reactions and sense of justice or injustice is to treat others as we wish to be treated. No problem with that. But now factor in the next stage. You are a couple, but you are also an individual and the measure of your individual status is the freedom with which you can use her and her worth the freedom with which she can be used. It is what she is for. To the extent that she is not ready, but responds occasionally (where in the absence of repetition the habit fades) I suggest that you start at a common agreed level, but always with the aim that there are only two identities in the relationship: you as an individual man and the two of you as a couple. It's not for me to specify what that is (at least without better knowledge) but you can probably agree some behaviours in the context that the aim is for her to have no independent personality. Things will change. Small steps, repeated, <em>work</em>. Daft, trivial case in point: make sure that when you kiss her you <em>without fail</em> touch her intimately, ideally under her clothing. Brook no excuse (and don't encourage her to respond unless she is instructed). The smallest extension to normal sexuality (with precious little effort) can set a trend and expectation. The associated consent is of course that she has no right not to be touched. Quite trivial, but gets under her guard perhaps? And there comes the point then when the kiss is irrelevant and your right to access unquestioned. And so on. I suspect that starting small with things that are easy to repeat leads to building up a growth of habit like a great river depositing a delta.</p>

Original Post by Dom2099

Hello World

<p>Hello all.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I am struggling and in need of guidance. I want to be a dominant man, but I'm afraid that I possess too many submissive traits. My father was an every-other-weekend dad. He is very nice guy, but defiantly not dominant over anything. I was always the shy kid who never said much and when I did, I tried to make it funny so people would laugh. I never had a girlfriend because I could not get up the nerve to talk to any girls outside of school-related situations. Looking back, I'm fairly sure that some girls were interested in me, but I was so self-loathing that I could never see the signs or refused to believe that any girl could want me. I was raised by my mother until about 5 when she married a new man. He was basically a bully. He would push me to 'not be a pussy', but he would never really attempt to help me be anything different. When I hit puberty, I gained a lot of weight and it stayed. I was ashamed of my body and never got any encouragement from any males in my life. I think that a bit of the issue is that I have never really had any strong male figures in my life to look up to or to go to with problems. Both sides of my family are matriarchies.</p>
<p>When I was around 25 and still living at home, I decided I wanted to make a change so I agreed to meet a girl my cousin knew. She was very attractive, funny, seemed to know what she wanted and actually seemed interested in me. Fast forward to now and we have been together 10 years and married for 5.</p>
<p>We are to the point that we need to change our dynamic. I am working from home and she is currently going back to school. I have become too complacent in letting her 'steer the ship' and make the decisions. It feels like I moved out of my mom's house and into hers and I fell right back into being OK with a woman in-charge. I want to step up and be a dominant husband and she wants so desperately to be submissive and taken in-hand. I have the desire, but I am not sure about the confidence and skills. I lack confidence and too easily falter when questioned. I have trouble expressing exactly what I want out of a Domestic Discipline life-style. We have tried and failed several times over the years and it always came down to me not following through. I have been reading though many of the posts and articles on this site and I am really liking the spot somewhere between a submissive slave and a 50's style marriage where 'Daddy-knows-best'. I want to lead, but I seem to not be able to convince myself I am a leader.</p>
<p>Any advice or pseudo mentoring would be very appreciated.</p>

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