June 25, 2012

The 4th Element

By Nina E.

Kays to female submission

I have found that consensual slavery, like many other institutions and undertakings in life, runs decently on three basic fuels: hope (or desire), fear (or avoidance of pain/negative consequences), and repetition (or habituation). Each of these elements plays a role in keeping a slave enslaved. This isn’t theoretical mumbo jumbo I’m just tossing out of my brain, however. My life in serving and pleasing men has given me ample opportunity to reflect upon the core things I feel are necessary to make no-nonsense servitude work and function reliably without imploding in upon itself. I purposefully left love for one’s master out of the equation because, while it is a powerful mover, it’s not always necessary within all possible situations and scenarios. I also think it’s beneficial sometimes to put the haze of love aside and focus upon other elements that aren’t spoken of as much, but are just as important. I believe these elements are as follows:

Hope / Desire / Needs / Wants / Wishing / The “Carrot”

All of these words are synonyms for the same thing: the urge to experience or possess happy, beneficial things in one’s life. Hope, or looking forward to something good, is a very strong motivator. It increases a slave’s effort and energy output, and, if she is being managed right, this means the master will benefit as well from those efforts made in the name of hope or desire for better things, including her own self-improvement.

If over-emphasized, however, (and in most “master and slave” relationships that I see there is an inordinate amount of emphasis placed on the “slave’s” desires and their satisfaction), it can warp slavery beyond recognition into a selfish, mercenary rewards/barter/exchange institution: “I’ll perform oral service beautifully, Master, and not be all glum and depressed and do a half-assed job at it if you let me buy that lovely dress from Caché I crave. After all, I don’t crave it for myself—I just want to look nice for you out in public.” The words I just quoted are never said aloud, obviously. They may not even be conscious thoughts. Nevertheless, they describe a very real attitude and an unspoken agreement between many a “master” and his “slave.”

Fear / Repercussions / Discipline / Pain Avoidance / Punishment / The “Stick”

Fear, in humans, is an extremely powerful motivator. Pain, whether emotional or physical, hurts, and no matter how masochistic we are, someone clever can always find a type of pain or even just a type of non-painful but extremely boring or annoying experience that we will never wish to experience again.

If punishment is overdone, it can result in a below-par slave who performs to meet basic requirements only out of fear.

Pain, or other negative consequences, when associated with knowledge of the thing that we did to bring on the pain, is an extremely powerful motivator. Human minds work by association, by making connections between this thing and that thing, between one time and another time. Associating pain with a consequence of an activity or attitude that one should not engage in makes a powerful and lasting connection in a slave’s mind between something adverse she does not wish to experience to a behavior or attitude that her master wants changed. If reinforced and applied regularly, “the stick” permanently changes the slave’s behavior to a more desirable form.

If punishment is overdone, it can result in a below-par slave who performs to meet basic requirements only out of fear. Such performance is very limited and curtailed, often quite insufficient for the complex tasks that humans must do, because the slave becomes afraid to go beyond the safe boundaries of behavior or thinking that do not elicit pain, to make on-the-spot decisions that are required in complex undertakings, to act spontaneously, or take risks of any kind. A constantly fearful slave can be boring to be around and even disappointing if other elements–such as human companionship, advice, ideas, humor, even love–are also desired from her. Unless reveling in brutality is the only objective, fear needs to be balanced with other means of control.

Repetition / Getting Used to It / Conditioning / Brainwashing / Addiction / Ritual / The “Habit”

The third common element in most working human institutions, including slavery, is habituation. Do something enough times, say something enough times, think something enough times and it becomes a thing that you will do more, think about more, accept more and more as normal. The life of a slave who is really treated as a slave can be quite hard at times, but people can get used to pretty much anything that does not kill them. Habituating her to this life and influencing her to accept it as the only way of living is not done through brute force, unless you don’t mind losing everything else that you lose when you completely break down a human being. The quiet, smooth way to insure there is acceptance in the slave of her lot in life is the way of repetition, propaganda, conditioning the slave’s mind to accept your reality for her as not only normal, but as the only way to live, the desired way to live. This process is built alongside the other, less desirable aspects of her personality that she brings to the table, and eventually, when the work is done, supplants them. Doing this sort of long-term complex reconstruction successfully and without unwanted side effects emerging requires skill, considerably more skill than simple manipulations of the straightforward animal urges of desire and avoidance.

Often conditioning or habituation fails because the master simply lacks the knowledge or techniques to carry through with it correctly. All the information that is needed to do this is out there, but finding the right information and then applying it correctly (that is, not as a rigid “one size fits all” formula but as an individual prescription based upon the idiosyncrasies of the “patient”) can take considerable time and study. Blunderers in this area tend to lose their slaves or, often without realizing it, to corrupt them to a lower level of service such as the gimme-gimme-gimme desire-based “you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours” service described above.

These three fuels–hope, fear, and repetition–are enough to keep a slave running at a lower-than-it-could-be but steady and decent level of performance, particularly if they are balanced with one another and one element not over-stressed. However, in consensual slavery, which is the type that is most experienced today and the type of which I speak, another, rarer element can come into play that adds an extra dimension and transforms the merely adequate into the sublime. It’s an element that has to arise entirely out of the slave’s own mind and motivations. Unlike the three elements discussed earlier, this isn’t something that a master can do to her or directly influence or help her with. All he can do, if he is capable of this, is to be the sort of person who inspires her to develop this trait.

The Other Element

Picture hope, fear, and repetition as three lines that comprise an equilateral triangle. The three, when thus connected, provide an extremely stable, two-dimensional base. It is a base from which much can be built. The fourth element, however, is not another point on that base plane, it’s a point in an entirely different direction: depth. If you think of it as above the three and in the dead center of the triangle they form, you have the apex of a pyramid.

Above all else, the desire to give is an impulse or personality characteristic that someone may start feeling at a very early age and, when this is so, they will not feel right or fulfilled in life until they can express it fully. Ordinary life and ordinary relationships (including most that call themselves master/slave) provide very little outlet for expressing this urge and a person who has it often finds life pretty meaningless and pointless as a result.

This fuel is hard to describe because as soon as you start to talk about it, readers automatically associate it with commoner and coarser experiences (such as romantic love) that have very little to do with it and are not the same thing at all but are quite dramatic and fun to experience. That’s probably what’s going to happen here, as well, but we will have to try to describe it, nonetheless.  It involves a calm and almost–but not quite–unemotional desire to give to others, to see others benefit and an equal disregard for whether you benefit or not at the same time (basically, you already know that you will benefit because this attitude fulfills you). It involves taking a quiet joy in seeing someone else gain something of value, feel pleasure or happiness, enjoy some aspect of their lives. You “love” or “care” (I use these buzz words hesitantly as they immediately give the overly-romantic the wrong impression) far more about another’s pleasure, benefit, and safety than you do for your own.

Above all else, the desire to give is an impulse or personality characteristic that someone may start feeling at a very early age and, when this is so, they will not feel right or fulfilled in life until they can express it fully. Ordinary life and ordinary relationships (including most that call themselves master/slave) provide very little outlet for expressing this urge and a person who has it often finds life pretty meaningless and pointless as a result. It’s just jumping from one transitory and perhaps pleasant but utterly meaningless pleasure to the next. But as soon as such a person finds herself in a context in which she can unselfishly, unstintingly, and constantly give to someone or provide benefit to something significant to her, she feels at home, she feels as though she has arrived, she senses that she is finally doing what she has needed to do all of her life. Life becomes vivid again, adventurous, deeply gratifying, and worth living.

The fourth element is an urge that some calling themselves slaves have never experienced before (or even desired to experience) but as soon as they hear about it associated with slavery (a state they have managed to poisonously entwine with the tendrils of their metastasizing egos), they will arrogantly and automatically assume in their own minds that they, since they are such superb slaves, are already full to the brim with this meritorious trait. Those who genuinely experience this impulse do not normally associate it with merit or other self-aggrandizing concepts. If anything, they see it as something being given to them, a great boon, bestowed upon them by their masters–for indeed, given the dearth of contexts in ordinary life to experience the impulse to give selflessly, that is what it is. Some people spend decades looking for such a context.

In the right context, the urge to give selflessly without hope or thought of personal reward will grow, slowly and quietly, until it fills an obedient servant’s world. At the same time, the other person, the one whom she so desires to please and give to, slowly becomes all she sees, all that exists. She doesn’t feel much emotion associated with this, no maudlin sense of “deep self-sacrifice,” certainly no sense of loss at all (if anything, she feels great gain), no dramatic awareness of herself as a great martyr or a most wonderful, saintly person. It embarrasses and disturbs her, in fact, when the poisonous flattery and confused misinterpretations of sycophants describe her in this way. She simply feels a deep satisfaction: she feels as though she is doing what she was always meant to do, like a part in a car that works well because it fits perfectly in that particular car and is no longer being stuck into cars it was not designed for!

In a sense, her self starts to cease to exist, she starts to not experience herself, to not be aware of herself as a separate entity with separate needs from those of her master’s, to even lose consciousness of herself. But this isn’t the nothingness of some imagined hazy Zen satori. Instead, as she is emptying herself of her “self,” her now less-full awareness is being filled–to the very brim–with him: his needs, what makes him satisfied, what brings him the best benefit, his attitudes (which she adopts as her own), his goals. She identifies so closely with her master that she forgets herself. It is not particularly painful; it is not (except at brief moments) enlightened bliss, either, it simply is a practical fact of her experience– kind of like the sensation of wearing shoes and socks. It’s just there.

A wise master manages the desire to selflessly give and serve by steering it toward the goals he wants to achieve and the attitudes he wishes to see in the slave; by educating her about what pleases him and what doesn’t; and by encouraging those acts of selflessness that he approves of and discouraging those that, while equally giving, are not what he desires—whether at that specific time—or ever.

The fourth fuel, if it burns at all (it is rare, and, despite the lip-service of the egotists, seldom experienced by most calling themselves slaves, as it gets confused with the baser emotions of romantic, transaction-based love), is generated almost entirely by the slave and, as mentioned earlier, all the master can do to encourage its growth is be the sort of man who inspires this level of selflessness. This is not at all insignificant: it just represents a more passive form of involvement than the other three elements require. The trait, does, however, still need to be managed by a master who notices it arising. The giving urge is often indiscriminate (it can even be foolish) and thus requires direction into the desired channels and instructions about its use. A master who has experienced similar urges is in an ideal position to provide such instruction, whereas a man who has only been a master is blind in a sense: he is often not even aware that his slave might have these urges let alone need his help with their cultivation and direction. This can leave a slave with this nature in a very lonely spot.

A wise master manages the desire to selflessly give and serve by steering it toward the goals he wants to achieve and the attitudes he wishes to see in the slave; by educating her about what pleases him and what doesn’t; and by encouraging those acts of selflessness that he approves of and discouraging those that, while equally giving, are not what he desires—whether at that specific time—or ever. The slave does her part by graciously, quietly, and pragmatically (that is, without umbrage, denial or other defensive egotistic responses to correction or “oh my god, I suck big time” drama) accepting this direction and incorporating it into her actions and thoughts.

Where does such a process lead, ultimately? I don’t think this is a process that ever really ends—egotistic urges and the false personality that springs from them are far too clever and entrenched in most individuals to be completely rooted out—but by slow degrees the slave’s service improves and she becomes a more valuable and pleasant possession for her master. By setting her sights on the far horizon, by aiming her for perfection, she easily reaches the actual goal he desires for her, be it 5, 50, or 500 miles down the road of life.

  1. slave_rachel says:

    That was very nicely written.

    When you mentioned being embarrassed at being held as a saintly person for doing what comes naturally, it explained something i have always experienced. Like too much praise or elevated. Up until now, i thought i had a problem accepting the praise or “title” of “saint”, that is was lacking in esteem though i seems i don’t, that i should have been more than willing acknowledge it as deserved. In fact it has been suggested by others that i learn to. It has always embarrassed me and i did feel that i was only doing what i do so why that attention? i understand now that it is a natural part of being a slave to feel that because it goes with the territory and i need not expand my ego to slavey sainthood.

    i agree too-love is not a requirement. It is nice and i think it really seals the IE, but a good Master and slave who work well together, there is no reason to break it up over a concern about love or not love.

    i also agree about the bartering over things and have seen many many slaves and Masters seem to get into a circle of slave indulgences and that dynamic of “i’ll do a good job IF i get….” and i have seen Masters also mention that if they did something like go poly, or want to send the slave to a training program of some sort that it would mean to His slave that He wasn’t going to be the Master anymore. i read that as the slave is not okay with it and the Master knows better than to piss her off. Who is the Master?
    i, as much as the next person admit i like to get what i want, and be indulged. BUT- i don’t ever barter and i not only don’t expect rounds of indulgences but i would be concerned over becoming the Mistress instead of the slave if He were so inclined to do what amounts to backdoor obedience to my druthers.
    i need His firmness and to serve, obey and in it i am fulfilled. i can’t see fulfillment in bartering services for presents. It does seem to get mercenary at times in some threads or groups.

  2. Anina says:

    Karen D., slave_rachel, captive.mind and others: Maybe this is a good place to apologize for compulsively praising saintly slaves on this site. I thought about it carefully and can understand at least a little, having done a project once for our Buddhist temple that took several years of my weekends and received a lot of praise that made me uneasy. I found myself explaining to members, “Well you know, it’s because I really like Sensei”. It was an important project to him and he had asked me to do it. I was happy for the chance, and got to be near him too.

  3. Anina says:

    (To clarify, it wasn’t a project that took a lot of talent, just a lot of time and filling out lots of file cards in tiny penciled writing.)

  4. Tempolton says:

    If a man understands this he will hold her to the highest stsndards….. not for his own satisfaction , but for her betterment.

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